Is it Me or is it Them? with April Boyd

What If I'm the Problem? When Growth is Isolating

April Boyd — Fri, 16 Jan 2026 15:30:20 GMT

What if the question isn’t “What’s wrong with me?” — but “What if I’ve outgrown the room I’m in?”

In this episode, April explores a quiet question many self-reflective people carry: What if I’m the problem?

You’ll hear about:

Why depth and honesty are often mislabeled as “too much”
How growth can feel isolating, even when you’re loved
Why editing yourself isn’t the same as being adaptable
What it can mean to crave deeper, more honest conversations

This conversation isn’t about leaving your relationships or replacing the people in your life.

It’s about understanding what happens when you change—and your inner world has more nuance than your current circle can easily hold.

If this episode resonates, Bold as Love is a small, thoughtful group for women who want a place to speak freely, reflect honestly, and connect without shape-shifting.

Doors are closing soon.

Thanks for listening.

Want to get better at speaking up? Sign up for the free on-demand workshop that will help you be more confident in standing your ground when you're dealing with a boundary bulldozer. Sign up here.

Get on the Newsletter List here.

Have a topic or question you'd love to hear about?

Message me and let me know.

email april@lovelossproject.com

Instagram @with.love.april

https://www.instagram.com/with.love.april/

Please note:

This show is not a replacement for therapy, assessment, treatment or diagnosis. This show is intended for educational and entertainment purposes only. See your physician, counsellor or local crisis support centre if needed

All identifying details about the people and the stories shared here are removed to protect confidentiality.

When Saying No Isn’t Respected: Control vs. Connection

April Boyd — Thu, 08 Jan 2026 11:00:55 GMT

Is there someone in your life who doesn’t take no for an answer? No matter how thoughtful, flexible, or accommodating you try to be, you still end up feeling pushed, dominated, or worn down.

In this episode, we explore what’s actually happening when someone wants control, not connection. If your boundaries consistently create escalation instead of respect, this conversation will help you name the pattern and stop blaming yourself.

You’ll learn how control often disguises itself as care, why your autonomy can feel threatening to certain people, and how power dynamics quietly replace reciprocity in these relationships.

In this episode, we cover:

The difference between connection and dominance
Why “trying harder” doesn’t fix control-based dynamics
Subtle control patterns like decision hijacking, schedule overrides, guilt, and public pressure
Why boundary violations aren’t misunderstandings
The relief that comes from correctly naming the problem
How to take care of yourself without waiting for others to change

If this episode resonates and you want support navigating difficult or draining relationships — while staying grounded in your self-respect — I share more about the Bold as Love Collective, an intimate coaching space for women who are done proving their worth.

Links & Resources:

→ Learn more about the Bold as Love Collective

→ Questions? Email me anytime april@lovelossproject.com

Thanks for listening. I’ll see you next time.

Want to get better at speaking up? Sign up for the free on-demand workshop that will help you be more confident in standing your ground when you're dealing with a boundary bulldozer. Sign up here.

Get on the Newsletter List here.

Have a topic or question you'd love to hear about?

Message me and let me know.

email april@lovelossproject.com

Instagram @with.love.april

https://www.instagram.com/with.love.april/

Please note:

All identifying details about the people and the stories shared here are removed to protect confidentiality.

Why Talking It Through Isn’t Working

April Boyd — Tue, 30 Dec 2025 10:57:35 GMT

As the holidays wind down, many women are realizing that despite having the conversations, choosing their words carefully, and doing their inner work, nothing has really changed in their relationships.

In this episode, April explores why talking things through sometimes backfires — and why trying harder to more clear can actually keep you stuck.

The missing piece isn’t better communication.

It’s understanding the competitive vs. collaborative disconnect — and learning how to interrupt gridlock before real connection is possible.

In This Episode, We Explore:

Why insight and self-awareness alone don’t create relational change
How well-intended conversations can turn into new fights
Why rehearsing conversations in your head rarely leads to breakthroughs
The idea of “relational software” — unconscious templates that drive conflict
The difference between a competitive mindset (me vs. you) and a collaborative mindset (us vs. the problem)
Why collaborative people often over-function, explain, or justify — and why that backfires
How competitive templates interpret explanation as dominance
Why naming the dynamic matters more than arguing the content
What it really takes to “open the door” so understanding is possible

Key Takeaways:

You don’t need to be more patient, calmer, or clearer
Change doesn’t come from one more perfectly worded conversation
When one person is in competition and the other is seeking collaboration, conversations will stall
You cannot explain someone out of a competitive stance
Real change starts when you stop engaging in win/lose dynamics
The work is not fixing yourself — it’s learning how to change the relational pattern

Questions to Reflect On:

When conflict comes up, do I tend to explain, justify, or prove my point?
What happens in my body when I feel dismissed or misunderstood?
Do my conversations feel like a battle — even when that’s not my intention?
What would change if my first goal was opening the door, not being understood?

About The Bold as Love Collective

This episode reflects the deeper work we practice inside The Bold as Love Collective — a small, intimate group for women who want to stop repeating the same relational patterns and learn how to navigate conflict, connection, and self-respect differently.

The group begins in January.

Details and the link to join.

Want to get better at speaking up? Sign up for the free on-demand workshop that will help you be more confident in standing your ground when you're dealing with a boundary bulldozer. Sign up here.

Get on the Newsletter List here.

Have a topic or question you'd love to hear about?

Message me and let me know.

email april@lovelossproject.com

Instagram @with.love.april

https://www.instagram.com/with.love.april/

Please note:

All identifying details about the people and the stories shared here are removed to protect confidentiality.

The Third Way: Between Doormat and “Difficult Woman”

April Boyd — Thu, 11 Dec 2025 11:05:09 GMT

Episode Description

Most women are taught there are only two ways to move through conflict and relationships:

Be nice → swallow your feelings, smooth things over, keep the peace at your own expense
Be strong → armor up, go sharp, cut people off, or handle everything yourself

Neither one feels good. Neither feels like you.

In this episode of Is It Me or Is It Them?, I share the lightning-bolt insight that helped me name the heart of what so much of my work is really about: a third way for women, a middle ground where you don’t have to choose between being a doormat or a battle axe, where you can hold soft power: clear, kind, and steady.

You’ll hear how over-tolerating and over-hitting both come from the same place (fear), what it means to live from simply zeroing in on what's actually true, and how the Bold as Love Collective helps women practice this “soft AND strong” way of being in real life.

In This Episode, We Explore:

The two default “templates” many women are handed:
be nice (self-abandonment) or be strong (hard, defended, distant)
Why both options come from the same place: fear of conflict, rejection, and being “too much” or “not enough”
How swinging between silence and explosion keeps you out of alignment with what you actually want
Why we need to get honest with ourselves faster and act and speak from here (What is really happening here? What is actually true for me? What do I want to see happen here?)
The idea of soft power:
soft without being a doormat
strong without being a battle axe
clear without being cruel
honest without burning everything down
How to set “rules of engagement” for yourself (your own internal policies for how you do relationship)
Why “win–win relationships” can become a powerful compass when you’re deciding how to respond
The difference between tidying your side of the street vs. trying to control how other people react
How practicing this third way changes not just big conflicts, but the tiny everyday interactions with partners, family, coworkers, and strangers

Key Takeaways

Feeling powerful because you snapped or withdrew is not the same as feeling grounded, confident and steady in your truth.
Numbing out and blowing up are both protection strategies, not self-respect.
Soft power sounds like: “I’m neither collapsing nor exploding. I’m steady. I’ll have my own back, no matter what.”
You can be honest and boundaried and still be loving, considerate, and kind.
The real shift happens when your words and actions line up with who you actually want to be — even in the messy moments.

Mentioned in This Episode: The Bold as Love Collective

If you’re tired of choosing between being a doormat or being “the difficult one,” you’ll love Bold as Love Collective— A 3-month coaching circle for women who want:

clearer, cleaner boundaries (without guilt or explosion)
fewer spirals before (and after) hard conversations
a steadier, more self-assured presence in their relationships
softness without disappearing; strength without the hard shell

It’s part self-paced course, part live virtual circle, and fully focused on practicing this third way in the real world, with ourselves, the people we love and the ones who push our buttons.

👉 Learn more / join the next round: here.

Want to get better at speaking up? Sign up for the free on-demand workshop that will help you be more confident in standing your ground when you're dealing with a boundary bulldozer. Sign up here.

Get on the Newsletter List here.

Have a topic or question you'd love to hear about?

Message me and let me know.

email april@lovelossproject.com

Instagram @with.love.april

https://www.instagram.com/with.love.april/

Please note:

All identifying details about the people and the stories shared here are removed to protect confidentiality.

Between Self-Abandonment & Explosion, Softness = Power

April Boyd — Tue, 09 Dec 2025 11:01:27 GMT

We’re taught to toughen up, care less, harden ourselves. But you probably already know that none of that actually works. It doesn't make us safer or more confident, it just sends us into a tug of war with ourselves. In this episode, April unpacks the powerful middle ground — where softness and self-respect can live together — and shares a story that reframes what real strength can look like.

In This Episode:

Why “toughening up” disconnects you from your instincts
The trap of believing softness equals weakness
How we confuse fear-based posturing with strength
The difference between the performance of confidence and genuine grounded power
What it looks like to be clear without being cruel
How to listen to your body’s cues instead of overriding them
The third option between collapsing and attacking
Why real safety lives in self-trust, not force.

Key Takeaways:

Softness isn’t vulnerability to harm — it’s your internal compass.
If you have to try to force someone to respect you and treat you well- you're dealing with a completely different problem.
Power isn’t making others bend to your will; it’s knowing you can have your own back in any room you walk into.
Discernment comes from staying connected to yourself and listening to your emotions, not armouring up and shutting down.

Links Mentioned:

Join the Bold as Love Collective Experience (starting January)
Learn more about the program
Connect with April on Instagram / Email

Want to get better at speaking up? Sign up for the free on-demand workshop that will help you be more confident in standing your ground when you're dealing with a boundary bulldozer. Sign up here.

Get on the Newsletter List here.

Have a topic or question you'd love to hear about?

Message me and let me know.

email april@lovelossproject.com

Instagram @with.love.april

https://www.instagram.com/with.love.april/

Please note:

All identifying details about the people and the stories shared here are removed to protect confidentiality.

How to Decide If a Hard Conversation Is Worth It

April Boyd — Sat, 06 Dec 2025 13:45:57 GMT

When something feels off in a relationship, how do you know whether to speak up… or let it go?

In this episode of Is It Me or Is It Them?, I walk you through two real-life friendship situations - one that led to a soft, productive conversation, and another that crashed and burned - to help you understand how to make this decision with more clarity and self-assurance.

This episode is especially for you if you tend to overthink conversations, carry resentment quietly, or struggle with knowing when to address something versus adapting your expectations.

In This Episode, We Explore:

When the hurt or frustration “lingers” and why that’s an important signal
Why waiting before responding (instead of reacting) can change everything
What it actually means to “clear the air” — and what you’re really asking for when you do
A real example of speaking up that led to reassurance, repair, and deeper understanding
A second example where speaking up led to defensiveness, shutdown, and another problem to be solved.
How to tell if you’re truly letting something go — or just going quiet and resentful
Why not every relationship needs the same standards
How boundaries are often about what you will do differently moving forward
Letting go of personalization when someone’s behaviour is about their own patterns
Deciding who still gets a seat at your table — and on what terms

Mentioned in This Episode: Bold as Love

If this episode resonates, you’ll love the work we’re doing inside The Bold as Love Collective— a small, intimate coaching collective for women who want to:

stop overfunctioning and overgiving
navigate hard conversations with steadiness and clarity
set boundaries without guilt or explosion
feel more self-trust, confidence, and integrity in their relationships

👉 Learn more here.

Want to get better at speaking up? Sign up for the free on-demand workshop that will help you be more confident in standing your ground when you're dealing with a boundary bulldozer. Sign up here.

Get on the Newsletter List here.

Have a topic or question you'd love to hear about?

Message me and let me know.

email april@lovelossproject.com

Instagram @with.love.april

https://www.instagram.com/with.love.april/

Please note:

All identifying details about the people and the stories shared here are removed to protect confidentiality.

The Hidden Weight of Always Holding It Together

April Boyd — Tue, 02 Dec 2025 11:03:00 GMT

Are your expectations a little unrealistic? If you’ve been feeling that pressure to be endlessly composed, endlessly capable, endlessly “fine” — this episode is for you.

We’re talking about the real reason perfectionism shows up (hint: it’s not a personality trait). It’s an old survival strategy your nervous system learned a long time ago… one that might be quietly running your life today.

Inside this episode you’ll hear:

why your self-criticism spikes when you make a mistake
how old patterns of people-pleasing and “getting it right” still shape your reactions
the one question that shows you whether a standard is actually yours — or conditioning
how perfectionism disconnects you from yourself and your relationships
what to do in the exact moment you feel the trap door of shame start to open

I also share a real-life story about a mistake I made last week — and how easy it is to fall back into old patterns unless we consciously choose something different.

Perfectionism isn’t about being better.

It’s about feeling safer.

And once you understand that, everything softens.

If this conversation hits close to home…

You’ll love the work we’re doing inside The Bold as Love Collective, my intimate coaching circle for women who want to stop overthinking, stop over-functioning, and start showing up with truth, steadiness, and self-respect — in every relationship they care about.

We start in January, and early registration is now open.

Join us here → [link]

Want to get better at speaking up? Sign up for the free on-demand workshop that will help you be more confident in standing your ground when you're dealing with a boundary bulldozer. Sign up here.

Get on the Newsletter List here.

Have a topic or question you'd love to hear about?

Message me and let me know.

email april@lovelossproject.com

Instagram @with.love.april

https://www.instagram.com/with.love.april/

Please note:

All identifying details about the people and the stories shared here are removed to protect confidentiality.

Reconnect or Keep Your Distance? Listen to this Before You Reopen Old Friendship

April Boyd — Tue, 25 Nov 2025 16:01:39 GMT

Have you been feeling the urge to reach out to that old friend you took distance from? As we move into the holidays it can be tempting to re-connect— send a quick message, extend an invite, or reopen the door with someone we’ve drifted from. But how do you know whether it’s a relationship worth revisiting… or one that’s better left gently in the past?

In this episode, we help you decide whether to re-engage with an old friend, or keep your distance. You’ll hear some important questions you need to ask yourself, real examples, and a grounded look at the difference between healthy discomfort and unhealthy self-abandonment.

In This Episode We Explore:

How duty and obligation can both connect and confine us
How to tell when a relationship brings more stress than support
Why we need to think of our time and energy as "investments"
How the people around you shape who you become
Some key questions, like: Has anything actually changed?
Getting honest about your standards and what you are willing to put up with

Reflection Questions to Consider:

What’s driving the urge to reconnect — guilt, habit, or expectation?
Do you have the capacity to carry someone who brings weight instead of warmth?
What kind of relationships do you believe in surrounding yourself with?

A Takeaway to Sit With:

You can love someone, care about them, and hold fond memories — and still choose distance. Protecting your peace can be an act of honesty, not rejection.

For Women Who Want Support With This Kind of Work & More Connections with Likeminded Folk:

I'm reopening The Bold as Love Collective — a three-month coaching circle for women who have a tendency towards overthinking, over-functioning, and over-giving, and want to feel calmer, clearer, and more grounded in their relationships and conversations.

If you want to feel more seen without performing and more heard without raising your voice, check out all the info here and DM with questions.

Want to get better at speaking up? Sign up for the free on-demand workshop that will help you be more confident in standing your ground when you're dealing with a boundary bulldozer. Sign up here.

Get on the Newsletter List here.

Have a topic or question you'd love to hear about?

Message me and let me know.

email april@lovelossproject.com

Instagram @with.love.april

https://www.instagram.com/with.love.april/

Please note:

All identifying details about the people and the stories shared here are removed to protect confidentiality.

Should You Go… or Sit This One Out? Navigating Family Gatherings Without Losing Yourself

April Boyd — Thu, 13 Nov 2025 20:11:14 GMT

If you’re wrestling with the choice to go to the family event or finally opt out of the chaos, this episode is for you.

Today we explore how to decide whether you should go, skip it, or do things differently this year.

You’ll hear questions, reflections, and practical guidance to help you get honest about what you’re walking into, what it will cost you emotionally, and what you actually want or need.

In this episode, we talk about:

• The real cost of going

What usually happens when you show up?

Why do the same dynamics keep repeating?

And why does it take days to recover afterward?

• How to see the situation clearly

Who are you showing up for really?

What are the unrealistic hopes that keep you stuck in the same toxic loops?

How to get honest about what usually happens, without minimizing or sugarcoating it.

• Understanding your own triggers

Why certain people hit your deepest buttons

How old wounds get activated

And how that plays into the dread and emotional overwhelm you feel

• How to protect your peace if you do decide to go

Setting clear intentions for yourself

Showing up in a more detached, grounded way

Not engaging with the people who drain you

Choosing arrival and exit strategies that support you

Honouring your own bottom line

• The “third option” we don’t talk about enough

It’s not only:

pretend everything’s fine and keep performing…or

cut everyone off and keep your distance.

There’s also the thoughtful middle path: deciding how to engage on your own terms.

If you’re struggling with family expectations or difficult in-law dynamics, this episode will help you:

see the situation more clearly
get honest about what’s actually happening and what you need to be okay
understand your emotional reactions
protect your peace
choose a path that honours your wellbeing and your desire for connection

Want some extra support?

If you want my help sorting out your specific situation—whether to stay, go, or set a plan for navigating it differently—you can reach out any time.

📧 Email: april@lovelossproject.com

📷 Instagram: @with.love.april

If this episode resonates, please share it with someone who might need it this holiday season.

Want to get better at speaking up? Sign up for the free on-demand workshop that will help you be more confident in standing your ground when you're dealing with a boundary bulldozer. Sign up here.

Get on the Newsletter List here.

Have a topic or question you'd love to hear about?

Message me and let me know.

email april@lovelossproject.com

Instagram @with.love.april

https://www.instagram.com/with.love.april/

Please note:

All identifying details about the people and the stories shared here are removed to protect confidentiality.

3 Questions When You Wish You’d Handled it Differently - and How to Stop Punishing Yourself

April Boyd — Fri, 07 Nov 2025 14:18:07 GMT

Have you ever replayed a conversation - picking apart what you said, how you said it, or wishing you’d handled it differently? Maybe a mistake or embarrassing moment left you spiralling for days into shame and self-loathing?

There’s a big difference between self-reflection and self-attack. One is productive. The other is just punishment.

✨ Self-reflection sounds like:

“What was happening for me in that moment?”

“What need is being brought to my attention?”

“How could I do this differently moving forward?”

🔥 Self-attack sounds like:

“I can’t believe I did that again.”

“What’s wrong with me?”

“Omg I am such an idiot.”

In today's episode I'm sharing 3 questions you can ask yourself to move out of unproductive self-attack and into healthy self-reflection- and then let it go.

If this episode resonates, share it with someone who might need a softer way to look inward — and don’t forget to subscribe to Is It Them or Is It Me? for more conversations about boundaries, relationships, and the moments that shape who we become.

Want to get better at speaking up? Sign up for the free on-demand workshop that will help you be more confident in standing your ground when you're dealing with a boundary bulldozer. Sign up here.

Get on the Newsletter List here.

Have a topic or question you'd love to hear about?

Message me and let me know.

email april@lovelossproject.com

Instagram @with.love.april

https://www.instagram.com/with.love.april/

Please note:

All identifying details about the people and the stories shared here are removed to protect confidentiality.

3 Ways to get back in Control when Life is Crazy Busy.

April Boyd — Tue, 07 Oct 2025 10:00:00 GMT

When life is moving a mile a minute, it’ might feel like you just want to get in your car and get away for a few days. But you don’t need to book a vacation or escape your life to get back in control. You can shift the energy in the moment, right where you are. And really, this is where our healing actually happens, right here, right now, in how we take control of ourselves on a moment by moment basis.

In this episode, I share three powerful ways to get grounded and in control, even when everything around you feels chaotic:

Managing your energy with Spoon Theory – a practical way to understand your limits and use your resources wisely.
Taking charge of your thoughts and self-talk – how to stop the inner spiral and slow down.
Being responsible for the energy you bring into a room – how to stop adding to the negativity and reset your energy quickly.

Think of this episode as a reminder that you don’t need to overhaul your your whole entire life—you may just need a few small, intentional shifts to feel more calm and grounded right now.

💌 Want more support like this? Sign up for my newsletter to get more tips, tools and resources.

Want to get better at speaking up? Sign up for the free on-demand workshop that will help you be more confident in standing your ground when you're dealing with a boundary bulldozer. Sign up here.

Get on the Newsletter List here.

Have a topic or question you'd love to hear about?

Message me and let me know.

email april@lovelossproject.com

Instagram @with.love.april

https://www.instagram.com/with.love.april/

Please note:

All identifying details about the people and the stories shared here are removed to protect confidentiality.

Anxiety Advice That Might be Keeping You Stuck

April Boyd — Tue, 12 Aug 2025 16:12:32 GMT

In this episode of Is It Me or Is It Them?, we unpack one of the most misunderstood ideas about anxiety: the belief that feeling safe is the ultimate goal. We're going to explore why seeking safety can sometimes keep us stuck—and why building trust in ourselves is a more sustainable path forward.

Drawing on my work as a therapist, and real-life examples from clients and my own experiences, I walk you through the subtle but important shift from trying to avoid discomfort to learning we can handle it.

What You’ll Hear:

Why “safety” might not be what you actually need
The difference between control and trust
How to build inner confidence and resilience, especially after trauma
A reframe for those of us who tend to overprepare, overthink, or retreat

If you’ve ever tried to fix your anxiety by making your world smaller—by canceling plans, avoiding conflict, or needing constant reassurance—this one’s for you.

Resources + Next Steps:

Try a self-trust journal prompt this week: What have I already survived that proves I can do hard things?
Want support applying this to your own life or relationship? Learn more at www.aprilboyd.ca

Want to get better at speaking up? Sign up for the free on-demand workshop that will help you be more confident in standing your ground when you're dealing with a boundary bulldozer. Sign up here.

Get on the Newsletter List here.

Have a topic or question you'd love to hear about?

Message me and let me know.

email april@lovelossproject.com

Instagram @with.love.april

https://www.instagram.com/with.love.april/

Please note:

All identifying details about the people and the stories shared here are removed to protect confidentiality.

What Happens When You See the Worst in the Person You Love.m4a

April Boyd — Tue, 05 Aug 2025 04:18:15 GMT

No one warns you about this part of love. One day you look across the table at the person you built a life with—and ask yourself: What if I made a huge mistake?

You have spent years getting to know them better than they may even know themselves- and some of it's ugly.

And you wonder: Is this still workable—or am I just fooling myself?

In this episode of Is It Me or Is It Them?, we’re talking about the part of long-term relationships that doesn’t get enough acknowledgment: The moment when your partner’s flaws aren’t just annoying, they are damn right repulsive, infuriating—and they make you question everything.

Here’s what we explore:

Why seeing the worst in your partner is sometimes inevitable—and what it means
The difference between difficult and deal breaker
How your nervous system interprets relationship conflict as danger
The internal process you need to go through before making major decisions
Why even good people can still be wildly incompatible sometimes
What to do when love starts to feel like work you don’t want to do

Whether you’re in the middle of a long slow burnout or just hit a bump that’s bigger than usual, this conversation is here to bring some clarity, calm, and honest reflection.

Mentioned in this episode:

→ The Reset Your Relationship audio program – now self-paced and audio-only, for busy people doing hard relationship work.

Check it out here.

If this episode resonates, share it with someone else who’s wondering what’s “normal” in long-term love—and what isn’t. And as always, thank you for being here.

Want to get better at speaking up? Sign up for the free on-demand workshop that will help you be more confident in standing your ground when you're dealing with a boundary bulldozer. Sign up here.

Get on the Newsletter List here.

Have a topic or question you'd love to hear about?

Message me and let me know.

email april@lovelossproject.com

Instagram @with.love.april

https://www.instagram.com/with.love.april/

Please note:

All identifying details about the people and the stories shared here are removed to protect confidentiality.

Silence or Truth? Two Times I Bit My Tongue—And One Time I Didn’t.m4a

April Boyd — Tue, 29 Jul 2025 03:54:14 GMT

Want to get better at speaking up? Sign up for the free on-demand workshop that will help you be more confident in standing your ground when you're dealing with a boundary bulldozer. Sign up here.

Get on the Newsletter List here.

Have a topic or question you'd love to hear about?

Message me and let me know.

email april@lovelossproject.com

Instagram @with.love.april

https://www.instagram.com/with.love.april/

Please note:

All identifying details about the people and the stories shared here are removed to protect confidentiality.

When Your Partner Won’t Stand Up to Their Family

April Boyd — Tue, 22 Jul 2025 04:03:35 GMT

What do you do when the problem isn’t just your in-laws—but your partner’s refusal to set limits with them?

In today’s episode of Is It Me or Is It Them? we’re talking about one of the most painful and confusing dynamics that shows up in relationships: when your partner won’t back you up, won’t speak up, and won’t protect the boundaries that matter to you.

You’re not imagining it. You’re not being too sensitive.

You’re not crazy—you’re just outnumbered.

Here’s what we’ll explore:

Why your partner might be avoiding hard conversations with their family (even when they agree with you privately)
How your people-pleasing, approval-seeking tendencies might be keeping you stuck
Why waiting for your partner to “handle it” often backfires
What it looks like to stop outsourcing your self-respect
The mindset shift that changes everything: Above no one. Below no one.

You’ll also hear a real (anonymous) client story about what changed when she stopped trying to get her partner to fix it—and started showing up as her own steady, grounded, grown-ass self.

This is not about going to war. This is about stepping out of the dance of dysfunction and giving yourself permission to speak truth, hold the line, and take up space—with clarity and dignity.

If this episode resonates, I’d love if you shared it with someone who needs to hear it. And if you’re ready to go deeper into the work of getting on the same page as your partner, check out the Reset & Reconnect program here.

Thanks for listening. I’m so glad you’re here.

Want to get better at speaking up? Sign up for the free on-demand workshop that will help you be more confident in standing your ground when you're dealing with a boundary bulldozer. Sign up here.

Get on the Newsletter List here.

Have a topic or question you'd love to hear about?

Message me and let me know.

email april@lovelossproject.com

Instagram @with.love.april

https://www.instagram.com/with.love.april/

Please note:

All identifying details about the people and the stories shared here are removed to protect confidentiality.

Silenced, Mocked, Dismissed: The 'Karen' Effect"

April Boyd — Tue, 15 Jul 2025 04:15:48 GMT

In today’s episode, we’re pulling back the curtain on a cultural trend that might seem harmless, but actually functions as a form of social control: the "Karen" meme.

While it may have started as a way to call out rude or entitled behaviour, it’s morphed into something much darker—something that often punishes women for speaking up, setting boundaries, or simply taking up space. Especially as they age.

Drawing on personal experience and research, April unpacks how the Karen label is weaponized to silence assertiveness in women, while men exhibiting the same behaviours are often rewarded or even celebrated.

What We Explore in This Episode:

🔹 Why calling someone a “Karen” is more than just a joke—it’s a tool of silencing
🔹 The disturbing double standards women face in leadership, public, and social spaces
🔹 The emotional cost of always having to be “extra nice” just to avoid backlash
🔹 Why male assertiveness is respected—and female assertiveness is often resented
🔹 How this meme reinforces internalized misogyny among women themselves

Stats You’ll Hear in This Episode:

🧠 33% of women in performance reviews were told they’re “too opinionated” — compared to just 4% of men source

🗣 Women’s perceived competence drops 35% when they are described as assertive source

👔 66% of women receive feedback about their personal style (tone, demeanor) vs. 1% of men source

A Personal Story:

April shares a moment during a family trip in Amsterdam when she found herself at risk of being labeled a “Karen”—just for holding her ground about a café table she’d been given.

This episode is an invitation to:

Question how we treat assertive women
Notice how we might be unconsciously policing each other
Start calling out sexism—even when it’s hiding behind a meme

If you liked this episode, you might also enjoy:

Silence or Truth? Two Times I Bit My Tongue—And One Time I Didn’t
The Ugly Truth About Long-Term Love

Thanks for listening.

If this resonated with you, share it with someone else who'd benefit from hearing it. And if you have a story or topic you'd like April to talk about on the show, feel free to reach out.

✨ This podcast is a place for nuance, honesty, and taking up space with dignity.

Want to get better at speaking up? Sign up for the free on-demand workshop that will help you be more confident in standing your ground when you're dealing with a boundary bulldozer. Sign up here.

Get on the Newsletter List here.

Have a topic or question you'd love to hear about?

Message me and let me know.

email april@lovelossproject.com

Instagram @with.love.april

https://www.instagram.com/with.love.april/

Please note:

All identifying details about the people and the stories shared here are removed to protect confidentiality.

When You’re Afraid to Speak Up—Start Here

April Boyd — Tue, 08 Jul 2025 13:04:15 GMT

Welcome back to Is It Me or Is It Them? After a short break, I’m so glad to be back with you—and today, we’re diving into something that comes up all the time in relationships: the fear of speaking up.

You might think the problem is that you don’t know how to say it. But what if the real issue is that you don’t think you’re allowed to?

In this episode, we’ll explore:

Why many people struggle to voice their needs, even when the words are right there
The cultural and relational conditioning that makes speaking up feel unsafe
How guilt, shame, and people-pleasing silence us—and what that silence costs
A mindset shift that can help you speak with more clarity, confidence, and care
What to ask yourself when you’re stuck between honesty and harmony

Whether you're dealing with in-laws, a disconnected partner, or a moment where your heart is screaming to say something but your mouth won’t move—this conversation will help you start untangling the inner blocks to speaking your truth.

Mentioned in this episode:

My break from the podcast and why honouring your own season matters
The importance of knowing your intentions before having a hard conversation
What it looks like to be direct and kind (at the same time)

If this episode resonates, I’d be so grateful if you’d leave a review or share it with a friend. And if you're navigating these kinds of stuck points in your own relationship, check out the Reset & Reconnect program here.

Thanks for listening—I’ll see you next time.

Want to get better at speaking up? Sign up for the free on-demand workshop that will help you be more confident in standing your ground when you're dealing with a boundary bulldozer. Sign up here.

Get on the Newsletter List here.

Have a topic or question you'd love to hear about?

Message me and let me know.

email april@lovelossproject.com

Instagram @with.love.april

https://www.instagram.com/with.love.april/

Please note:

All identifying details about the people and the stories shared here are removed to protect confidentiality.

Being the 'Good Wife' is Overrated + 2 Reasons Why We Over-Function.

April Boyd — Tue, 11 Mar 2025 11:00:00 GMT

Is it Me or is it Them? with April Boyd

What If I'm the Problem? When Growth is Isolating

When Saying No Isn’t Respected: Control vs. Connection

Why Talking It Through Isn’t Working

In This Episode, We Explore:

Key Takeaways:

Questions to Reflect On:

About The Bold as Love Collective

The Third Way: Between Doormat and “Difficult Woman”

Episode Description

In This Episode, We Explore:

Key Takeaways

Mentioned in This Episode: The Bold as Love Collective

Between Self-Abandonment & Explosion, Softness = Power

In This Episode:

Key Takeaways:

Links Mentioned:

How to Decide If a Hard Conversation Is Worth It

When something feels off in a relationship, how do you know whether to speak up… or let it go?

In This Episode, We Explore:

Mentioned in This Episode: Bold as Love

The Hidden Weight of Always Holding It Together

Reconnect or Keep Your Distance? Listen to this Before You Reopen Old Friendship

In This Episode We Explore:

Reflection Questions to Consider:

A Takeaway to Sit With:

For Women Who Want Support With This Kind of Work & More Connections with Likeminded Folk:

Should You Go… or Sit This One Out? Navigating Family Gatherings Without Losing Yourself

In this episode, we talk about:

• The real cost of going

• How to see the situation clearly

• Understanding your own triggers

• How to protect your peace if you do decide to go

• The “third option” we don’t talk about enough

If you’re struggling with family expectations or difficult in-law dynamics, this episode will help you:

Want some extra support?

3 Questions When You Wish You’d Handled it Differently - and How to Stop Punishing Yourself

3 Ways to get back in Control when Life is Crazy Busy.

Anxiety Advice That Might be Keeping You Stuck

What You’ll Hear:

Resources + Next Steps:

What Happens When You See the Worst in the Person You Love.m4a

Silence or Truth? Two Times I Bit My Tongue—And One Time I Didn’t.m4a

When Your Partner Won’t Stand Up to Their Family

Silenced, Mocked, Dismissed: The 'Karen' Effect"

When You’re Afraid to Speak Up—Start Here

Being the 'Good Wife' is Overrated + 2 Reasons Why We Over-Function.

You Want More Support—But Are You Blocking It?

Is Your Self-Sacrifice Hurting Your Relationship?

Turn Anxiety into Purpose

The Power of Validation & An Invitation to Create & Contribute

Is It Just a Rough Patch or a Deeper Relationship Issue?

The World Needs More Do-Gooders: A Workshop Invitation

3 Questions to Ask When You're Feeling Unappreciated.

Under-Functioning Partners + Balance + Peace + Trade-Offs that Work

Self-Validation + Finding Peace When They Won’t Meet You Halfway

ONE Question to BOOST your SELF-ESTEEM & RELATIONSHIPS

5 Boundaries when Dealing with Difficult People

You're Not Lazy or Broken. It's the End of the Year! We're all Tired.

Talk it Out or Take Quiet Action? + Conflict & Boundaries with Difficult People

Thoughts from the Bold as Love Retreat

5 Ways to Support Someone After Baby Loss

Trusting Your Gut: 3 Lessons from My Taxi Cab Mishap

Disliked & Judged? Asked Yourself This

Aging Truths + Myths + One Question You Need to Ask if You're Feeling Old

How to Deal with a Chronic Complainer.

Generosity + Boundaries + Avoiding Conflict with Corrine Boudreau

Less Frustration + More Flow + How One Tiny Upgrade Can Change Your Vibe

When They've Done You Wrong (& They're Not Sorry): Meeting Defensiveness with Clarity & Power

Body Insecurities + Self-Loathing + How to Stop Chasing Perfect and Start Living More Now.

Creating a Life Without Regret: True Desires vs. Social Expectations & Social Media Comparisons.

Less People Pleasing, More Integrity

the energy of control + when fear & anxiety are in control of your calendar

Is it Imposter Syndrome or Fear?

The Fear of Judgement + Comparison + One Truth that Changes Everything

self doubt + trusting your instincts + raising your standards

The Courage of to Be Yourself: A Conversation with Tuck Cornelius About Authenticity, Art, Laughter & Surviving Really Hard Things

Slowing Down in a World That Never Stops

Why You Fall Back into Old Habits: How To Do Change that Works

The Hat That Challenged My Friendships & When You Outgrow Your Circle