We are breaking down why the skills of critical thinking matter more than any answer in a textbook.. I’m also sharing 1 powerful habit that changes everything about how your kids learn and think:

✅The 1 daily habit that builds skills of critical thinking in any subject

✅Whether memorizing answers produces followers or leaders

✅Why asking questions is more powerful than any curriculum you can buy

✅What to do so you can see your kids start thinking

✅What it looks like when your child can finally evaluate ideas on their own

Grab the free resources mentioned in this episode and start building thinkers in your homeschool today.

Resources for You 

FREE Read Aloud Magic 

FREE Notebooking Pages 

Become a VIP when you join the Raising Leaders Not Followers VIP Wait List

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Show Notes:

Your Child Doesn't Need to Know the Answer — They Need to Know How to Think

Your child doesn't need to just know the answer. They need to know how to think and make decisions. A kid who can memorize facts but can't evaluate ideas is going to struggle in college, in work, and in life. Let's talk about a way to solve this problem today.

What Are You Actually Training Your Kids For?

I know you want the best for your kids. You want them to be prepared for the real world. You want them to have strong faith and discernment. But you're worried your kids may not be ready. You're tired of the idea that more school automatically means more success — that the more we do in school, the more successful they're going to be. These are myths.

Your goal shouldn't just be that your kid can pass a test. A test just memorizes — it analyzes facts. For me, our goal was that our kids would follow Jesus, think clearly and biblically, and make wise decisions when we weren't around. We wanted to prepare them for real life.

Schools teach answers. But leaders evaluate ideas. The problem is answers aren't enough. Schools teach to the test — it's the conveyor belt. Everyone does the same thing and gets a test to see if they've memorized all the answers. And it produces followers. Followers who just wait for direction. Followers who are waiting for approval or waiting for a worksheet to turn in.

Thinkers and leaders — that's what I wanted for my kids. Not necessarily the president of the United States, but kids who lead in their own life, in their home, in their family. If your child has only been trained to fill in the blanks, don't be surprised when they struggle to take ownership and they're just waiting for someone to tell them what to do.

So my question to you is — what are you training your children for?

Dietrich Bonhoeffer and the Courage to Think for Yourself

I want to share a story about a man named Dietrich Bonhoeffer. He was a German pastor and theologian during Nazi rule. The surrounding culture was demanding conformity, fear, and silence. But he refused to follow. He was going to stand for truth. He kept asking what was right before God — not what was safe or popular.

Bonhoeffer did not let the culture tell him what was true. He was surrounded by pressure, but he chose his own conviction. That is what discernment looks like.

I don't remember the entire story, but I think it's important that we raise our kids to not have blind compliance to what everyone's telling them to do — but the courage to stand for truth. Spiritually, yes, but also in what they're learning. The history books are being rewritten, and we need to have discernment to know what is truth and what is not.

Kids learn in school that it's just about the right answer, not the right question. They're afraid to be wrong. Discernment is both spiritual and practical. And kids need to learn how to pause, reflect, and ask what matters — and make sure their thinking is biblically based.

Susanna Wesley Raised Thinkers

Susanna Wesley was the mother of John Wesley and Charles Wesley. She home educated her children in the 1600s and was known for setting aside time to teach each of her kids individually rather than just letting them drift. She emphasized spiritual formation, discipline, and thoughtful thinking. She would ask questions.

John Wesley went on to start the Methodist church. Charles Wesley wrote somewhere between 6,500 and 9,000 hymns. I can't imagine writing a hymn — that takes a lot of thinking ability.

Susanna Wesley's home became a place where children learned to think about God, truth, and obedience with purpose. She wasn't just managing a household. She was shaping her children in character and in thinking. She didn't raise them to comply. She trained them to think, to question, and to live under God's truth.

Again — what are you training your kids for? Just to do what mom tells them to do? Or to think critically and biblically?

The One Habit That Changes Everything: Questions

Okay, how do you actually do this? It's really one habit that changes everything — questions. You can use questions in any subject area.

When I started using questions, it helped me relax and not be so worried about a checklist. I didn't even need curriculum for every subject because we could read books and ask questions. When I was a school teacher, I was supposed to follow the curriculum and couldn't really veer off of it — and that didn't encourage thinking on the part of my students. When I started homeschooling and started using questions, it changed everything. I was much more relaxed and much more intentional. My kids could take ownership by following their interests.

I remember Hunter was into sports, and we were studying Roman history — which he didn't love at the time. But he did love sports, so we let him write a paper on Derek Jeter, one of the greatest shortstops in baseball. He learned about baseball science, math, history — all of it. And you can always ask questions like — why does this matter? What am I missing? What does this tell me about God, people, or truth? Did this person act the way God would want them to act? Did they have honor? And then — now that you've done all this, what are we going to do with this information?

How to Start Using Questions This Week

Take one subject you're doing this week. Instead of a worksheet, ask one question about that topic. Keep it simple. Don't overteach. Let the conversation do the work.

And here's my trick — when you ask a question, do not answer your own question. Ask another question. You know what happens when there's quiet and you can't handle it? You give them the answer. And what are you training your kids to do? To wait until mom answers her own question, and then we can move on because I don't have to think.

Allow some time for quiet and for them to think. If they don't know the answer, ask a different question until you can begin a conversation. This is not a system or a lot of extra things to do. It is a way of life.

This is how I teach my grandkids. This is how I taught my kids — in science, literature, music, art, math, history, character building, even cleaning the house. Why do I have to do this? Well, why do you think you have to do this? Turn everything into a question and let them come up with the answers. It's not about your children having the right answer. It's about asking the right question.

What This Produces in Your Kids

Imagine your kids as confident decision makers. Kids who recognize truth. Teenagers who can question lies because they've been thinking on their own. Young adults who know how to act without panicking. Faith that lasts beyond your home.

One of my students, Tracy Smith, said it so well — I love the idea of getting off the conveyor belt. Our kids are not cookie cutters. They all have unique thoughts, ideas, and talents that God has given them. If they are not given the opportunity to explore those, their gifts and offerings to this world are stifled. We need to allow them the chance to come to their individual conclusions — and they will give the world something to think about instead of the world telling them what to think.

Another student, Rose, said after taking our leadership course — this helped me see how I could teach my kids to think logically. She was encouraged by the real life stories she could relate to, and she said the methods were transformational.

You are not alone. These are methods that work. They are real and you can achieve them.

The two free tools from last week — the Read Aloud Magic e-book and the free notebooking pages — combined with this idea of questions are three tools that can help you raise your kids to think well and think on their own. Grab those links in the show notes.

And stay close to my emails and this podcast because I've got a boot camp coming up that is going to show you how to implement all of this in a real homeschool life. I can't wait to share more details. If you want to get on the waitlist, the link is in the show notes.

These aren't random homeschool tools that add to your pile of things to do. They're the foundational homeschooling tools that shape character, build critical thinking, and make learning engaging, effective, and enjoyable for the whole family.

✅Why the explain-assign-check cycle doesn't raise thinkers (and what to do instead)

✅The 2 homeschool tools you can use today in any subject at any age level

✅How one homeschooling tool builds vocabulary, shapes worldview, and creates shared family experiences

✅Why the second tool slows learning down so kids actually understand and own it

✅How these homeschool tools give you confidence and stop the frantic forever feeling

Ready to simplify your homeschool with the right homeschooling tools? Grab the free Read Aloud Magic eBook and Notebooking Pages to start raising thinkers this week!

Resources for You:

Read Aloud Magic eBook (free) 

Notebooking Pages (free)

Raising Leaders Not Followers VIP Waitlist

Show Notes:

Two Simple Homeschool Tools That Actually Teach Your Kids to Think

Does your homeschool feel like one long cycle of explain, assign, check, repeat — wash, rinse, repeat? If that's all you're doing is explaining, assigning, and checking, you're not raising your kids to be thinkers. You're just expecting them to regurgitate a lot of information.

Most homeschoolers are drowning in all the what to teach. They're not thinking enough about how kids actually learn. Today we're going to talk about two tools you can use this week — easy tools — so your kids are actually learning.

You Don't Need More Stuff. You Need a Better Purpose.

I don't know where you are right now in this part of the year, but some of you are finishing up your school year. A lot of you are already planning what curriculum to buy next. You're overwhelmed. There are so many choices. You're trying to be faithful to your kids and to homeschooling, but you're scattered. You want your kids to love Jesus, to think well, and to live life with confidence. But how do you do that in the midst of cooking three meals a day and chauffeuring your kids everywhere?

You don't need random homeschool stuff. You don't need a bigger pile. You just need a better purpose.

Here's what we do — and I say this on a regular basis. We leave the school but then we copy the school at home. We are tied to checklists. We are in a productivity mindset. We've got to go, go, go, check that off. Memorizing facts but not thinking. And I know you want your kids to be able to think for themselves, evaluate, and make wise decisions. But they don't become wise thinkers just by consuming a lot of information.

Leaders are shaped by the right tools, habits, questions, and reflection. So let's talk about those tools.

Tool #1: Read Aloud and Questions

One of my favorites. It is so simple. You can do it today. And it is reading aloud as a family.

Reading aloud strengthens your relationships because it happens together. It's like taking a trip together just going through a book. Quality fiction helps your kids learn empathy, compassion, and how to evaluate different circumstances — to see if this is the right way to live or not. They can discern between good and evil.

It builds vocabulary. It exposes your kids to big ideas. It's going to help shape their worldview. And it creates shared reference points for conversation.

I remember when we were reading the Little Bridges series. Steve was reading it at night for our kids, and we were somewhere in the van and they started talking about that grumpy old grandpa. We're so glad we don't have a grandpa like that. And we had a great discussion just driving down the road. That meant they had entered into the story and were participating in it on an emotional level.

When you're finished reading — and I do not stop in the middle of reading aloud and analyze all the parts — just let it soak over everyone and ask, what stood out to you? What do you remember most about this part of the story? And just see what they say. You might suddenly realize they're learning things you didn't even know they had paid attention to.

You don't need a lecture. You don't need a guidebook. You don't need a perfect discussion plan. You don't even need a degree in English. You just need a heart for your kids and for God — and then ask questions. Questions are such an easy way to learn. When you ask questions, learning becomes alive.

This is how homeschooling feels less like school at home and more like formation — discipleship, life skills.

I created a Read Aloud Magic bundle that has an e-book with all sorts of things about how to read aloud and a list of our family's favorite read aloud books. It's free in the show notes at howtohomeschoolmychild.com/readaloudmagic.

Tool #2: Notebooking

A lot of you are familiar with Charlotte Mason, but you don't really think notebooking is important so you don't do it. And yet it is one of the ways you can stop the overwhelm and stop the stress. I have moms that have said — when we started using this tool, things got better in our homeschool.

So what is notebooking? It gives your kids the freedom to express their understanding and be creative. It could be a written notebook. They may draw pictures. But it allows your kids ownership and responsibility for their own education. I like to say they take leadership in their own education.

That's what I wanted. I didn't want my kids to just do whatever I told them to do. I wanted it to be what they were learning — when we read a book or when we studied a topic.

Notebooking is not busy work like worksheets and textbooks. Notebooking is thinking on paper. It helps your kids process, reflect, and connect ideas.

Thomas Edison didn't sit around memorizing facts and hoping an invention would happen. He kept notebooks full of sketches, ideas, and experiments. His notebook was not just a record — it was part of his thinking process. He didn't separate thinking from writing. And that is exactly why I think notebooking matters so much in your homeschool.

It slows the learning down. Are you rushing your kids just to finish that checklist? Notebooking slows the learning down so your child can really understand it, learn it, and own it for themselves. It becomes a part of them.

Worksheets just check recall. Notebooking builds ownership and understanding. It takes the pressure off getting the right answer and just getting through it.

When Hunter was about seven, he would tell me what he learned and I would type it out and then he could copy it into his notebook — because he may not have been ready to get all the thoughts on paper yet. But as they get older, they should be able to do this on their own.

I had one mom tell me — homeschooling wasn't working out as I envisioned. I felt like a slave to the curriculum. After six years of schooling that way, she discovered notebooking. It cut the busy work from their day and helped her take the reins of their homeschool with confidence.

Don't you want that confidence?

What to Do This Week

Pick a book and read it out loud, then ask one question — what stood out to you? That's it.

For notebooking, grab the free notebooking pages linked in the show notes. Then find one worksheet you were going to use — and get rid of it. Replace it with a notebooking page. Or better yet — let your children pick a topic from the notebooking pages. They are taking ownership and leadership of their own education. They are growing into a leader and not a follower that just does what someone tells them to do.

For younger kids, they may not be able to write sentences yet — but they can draw pictures. Put the pages together in a notebook, staple it, or get a binder. Super easy.

Read aloud encourages them to enjoy reading and learning. Notebooking allows them to follow topics they are actually interested in. Your homeschool does not need to feel frantic — not forever, and not even now. When you use the right tools, your kids become thinkers, not followers.

Grab the free Read Aloud Magic e-book and the free notebooking pages — links are in the show notes. Both of these can help you step out with confidence in your homeschool.

And if you want help building a homeschool that actually forms your kids, I've got two exciting events coming up in a few weeks. Get on the waitlist and I'll tell you exactly what's going on. In the past, this has helped moms stop the overwhelm, stop the guessing, and start homeschooling with a purpose instead of a checklist.

In this episode, we dig into why doing less in your homeschool can lead to more real learning — and how to start making that shift today. Here's what we cover:

✅Why piling on more subjects and activities produces less actual education (not more)

✅How to replace a workbook with 1 simple question that builds real thinking skills

✅The power of going deep into one topic — and why your kids will actually enjoy learning again

✅Why you need to stop asking "did we finish everything?" — and what to ask instead

✅The Charlotte Mason method that helps kids retain more with shorter, focused lessons

You don't have to do it all. Listen to this episode and walk away with a simpler, more intentional homeschool day — starting tomorrow.

👉 Grab the free Read, Write, Discuss chart in the show notes and start using it this week!

Resources for You

Free Read, Write, Discuss Chart

How to Simplify Your Homeschool (free 3-day video course)

Show Notes:

What If Doing Less Actually Gave Your Kids a Better Education?

What if the reason you feel overwhelmed as a homeschool mom is because you're trying to do too much? And what if doing less actually gave your kids a better education? Today we're going to talk about a problem that I think many homeschool moms have. They want their kids to have the best education, so they just keep adding and adding and adding. And all you're doing is strangling your kids' love for learning and setting them up to have a bad attitude.

We Left Public School But Brought It With Us

Here's what happens. We leave the public school system, but we bring it with us. We don't like what they did or are doing, but we bring it with us anyway. Traditional schools are designed to cover material. They produce followers. They produce workers.

The Industrial Revolution changed education. They wanted workers. They wanted people that would follow. They didn't want thinkers, they did not want leaders — they wanted workers to come to work and not question. And that's the model you're following when you do the same things as the public school or the traditional grade-level model. It's not designed for deep understanding.

People say, oh, that one-room schoolhouse — they didn't learn hardly anything. But they learned a lot more in the one-room schoolhouse than I think our kids do today. They had kids at different levels, and an 8-year-old might hear something that a 12-year-old was learning and pick it up right alongside them.

Charlotte Mason Had It Right — Go Deep, Not Wide

Charlotte Mason emphasized short lessons, but go deep. Her students retained more because they engaged deeply. How about today? Are you just trying to get through the checklist and get through everything? Or do you focus on one topic deeply?

Especially with older kids and teenagers — and this is something we talk about in our Raising Leaders course — they need to pick a topic and dive deep into it. Maybe for a whole month. If a kid likes motorcycles, he can do the science of motorcycles, the math of motorcycles, the history of motorcycles, he can draw some motorcycles. There's a lot you can do with one topic. And when you let them choose, they take ownership. They dive deep. And they're going to learn their math, they're going to learn science — all of it.

With younger kids, you can still do the same thing. It's called a unit study. Read some books, do some hands-on activities, watch some videos. Because here's the thing — we think if we give them a whole lot to do, they're learning. But that's not really the case. Your kids take a test on Friday and forget it by Monday. That's not real learning.

More Activities Can Actually Produce Less Education

When we have a lot of activities and a lot to cover in a day, more really produces less education. Kids are rushing to get it all done. They're not taking time to think about it. They're in information overload and they're not retaining the information. It's just a checklist. It's the conveyor belt. It's a productivity system — and I know you want something better for your kids. You want a true education.

My son Hunter didn't do math from 1st grade to 5th grade, and he caught up in a year and a half. When we put him in private school in 10th grade, he won the math award for the whole school. So go figure. It's okay to not do every subject every day.

Even when I was a public school teacher, we didn't do every subject every day. I taught social studies, the teacher next door taught science, and we would flip-flop every three weeks. My kids got social studies for three weeks, then science for three weeks.

Practical Things You Can Do Right Now

First, if you've got a bunch of workbooks — stop the workbooks. Use real books, like Charlotte Mason talks about. Read together, use it for copy work, use it for dictation, notebooking, narration back. Narrate orally. If you've got younger kids, let them write a narration in a notebook. As they get older, keep a reading journal where they write about whatever they're reading. It's very simple and you can do it in any subject that you have a book. You could even do it with a movie you watch together or a newspaper.

As your kids get older, I really encourage you to use our Read, Write, Discuss method. Every day they read. Every day they write one page in their journal. And once a week, you have a discussion about whatever book you're reading together.

Another thing you can do is cut one assignment today. No workbook page, no nothing. Instead, replace that one assignment with — tell me what you learned, and what do you think about it. Let them talk. Most kids would rather sit and talk about it than do a workbook. Those workbooks strangle them and bring bad attitudes, I think.

Stop Asking "Did We Finish Everything?"

That question puts pressure on your kids. That is a source of bad attitude. I'm a Labor Day to Memorial Day schooler, and wherever we were at Memorial Day, we took the summer off and picked right back up on Labor Day. We still learned. My kids were still being educated — they just weren't doing the formal reading and writing, but wherever we were in our subjects, we just picked it right back up.

Instead of asking, did we finish everything — ask this instead. Did my child think today? If they didn't, they're just regurgitating information.

At dinner tonight, ask — what's the one thing that stood out to you today? Or what was your high and your low? Even a 3-year-old can answer that. When you hear what stood out to them, you begin to see inside your child's mind and their heart about what they are truly learning. And you might be able to pursue it in ways you didn't even think about.

Leaders think deeply. They don't need to think widely. Focus on fewer subjects, but go deep in each one of them. Quit doing more. Do less subject areas, and go deep.

In the show notes, I have our Read, Write, Discuss chart — grab that here. I also have our How to Simplify Your Homeschool three-day video course. They're very short videos, less than five minutes each, and each one has an activity you can do. It's for you, Mom — to help you simplify and stop the overwhelm.

In this episode, we break down the 3 biggest lies homeschool moms believe and how to flip the script so you can finally homeschool with confidence. Here's what we cover:

✅Why "I'm not doing enough" is keeping you stuck in busywork that doesn't actually help your kids

✅The truth about "falling behind" — and why your timeline is the only one that matters

✅Why chasing the perfect curriculum is costing you peace (and your kids' love of learning)

✅The simple 3-step process that replaces overwhelm with intention — no perfect curriculum required

✅1 question to ask yourself this week that changes how you see your whole homeschool

Stop second-guessing yourself. Listen to this episode and walk away with a simpler, more purposeful way to homeschool.

Grab the free Read, Write, Discuss chart in the show notes and start using it this week!

Resources for You

Free Read, Write, Discuss Chart

How to Simplify Your Homeschool (free 3-day video course)

Show Notes:

The Struggle Is Real

Are you ending your school day thinking, did we even do enough today? Or even worse, you're thinking, am I messing this up completely? What if I told you the problem isn't you? It's the beliefs that you've been handed over the years and through your own schooling.

Today, we're going to be talking about the 3 biggest lies that homeschool moms believe, and how we can correct them. Because a lot of times, the stress and the overwhelm that we feel, we are putting on ourselves. And it all starts up here in our mind.

Lie #1: I'm Not Doing Enough

A lot of y'all are really worried. Am I doing enough? Am I doing the right activities? You feel behind, so then you add more, and more, and more, and you live right there, constantly second-guessing yourself.

This belief comes from the public school mindset. You left a school system, and yet you're bringing it with you, and you're comparing yourself to the school system. And that's not going to help you whatsoever.

Thomas Edison was labeled difficult in school. His mom pulled him out and taught him at home differently. She did not do the same kinds of things they were doing in school, and he actually became one of the greatest inventors in history. He didn't need more and more school. He didn't need more and more activities. He needed a different kind of education, a better kind of education.

Here's something I want you to do — today or tomorrow. Ask yourself about your activities. Is this helping my child think? Or is it just completing something? Checking off that checklist that someone else gave you.

I am not opposed to a checklist, as long as it's your checklist — not a curriculum scope and sequence where you gotta make sure you get everything done every single day. If your kids have bad attitudes, that's probably one reason. So stop checking off someone else's list.

If it's just a completion activity, that means it's optional. It may not even be helpful. Ask yourself: does this build character in my kids? Does it help them think? Does it help them learn? If it doesn't, maybe get rid of all that busy work, because they're not retaining much of it anyway.

You don't need more school. You just need a different kind of education. Start looking at ways you can develop your kids into thinkers.

Lie #2: My Kids Are Falling Behind

Behind whom? Seriously. The public school system should not be your standard. Other homeschoolers should not be your standard. Don't get on social media and start comparing yourself. Your kids are all unique. Your family is unique. You need to look at what is best for your kids.

My youngest, Hunter, did not do a formal math curriculum until sixth grade. When he started in 6th grade, he caught up in a year and a half to grade level. He did not do math for 5 years, and he turned out okay. We did send him to a private Christian school in high school — his first year in 10th grade, he won the Math Award. He wasn't falling behind. I was doing what was best for him. He needed to focus on language. He didn't like reading, and we were going to work on that.

My daughter, Gentry, we took off of math for a whole year around 7th grade. Her attitude was not good, she didn't like it at all — but no math. For a year. Did she fall behind? No. She finished in time. In fact, in college, she would help her friends do their math homework and tutor them, because she knew the tools.

Abraham Lincoln had less than one year of formal schooling. He was self-educated through reading and discussion. He wasn't behind, because they didn't really compare. He just had a different and more powerful path of education.

You care enough to homeschool your kids. They are not going to fall behind.

When I think about Abraham Lincoln, it reminds me of the process that we teach our moms — Read, Write, Discuss. It's so simple. You don't even need a curriculum. You can use any book — a book about music, history, science, even math. You read about it every day, you write in your journal or do narration, and then you discuss it once a week. Super simple.

I have a free chart in the show notes you can download to help you get started with our Read, Write, Discuss process.

Lie #3: I Need the Perfect Curriculum

I know a lot of you — this is coming out in April — you're getting ready for the next school year and you're like, I don't know what to do. I'm not opposed to all curriculum, but just have a reason. If all it is is checking off the boxes, that's not a very good reason to get it. And for many of you, you bought, you switched, and then you tried again, and you're just constantly in flux and not really sticking with anything.

Curriculum doesn't educate. Curriculum doesn't create leaders or prepare kids for life. Thinking does. What are you doing to encourage your kids to think well? One of our goals in homeschooling was to think biblically and to think critically. You don't need the perfect curriculum. You have the freedom to do whatever.

What to Do This Week

Stop searching for new. Use what you already have. But in the process, ask better questions, or let your kids narrate back what they learned. That encourages a thinking skill.

Here's another secret — don't answer your own question. Give your kids time to think.

There is a completely different and better way to homeschool that removes all three of those lies. Take a step back and start asking questions. You can do it. You don't need a curriculum, and you don't need a checklist. You just need the right tools and the right process to go along with what you're already doing.

Resources Mentioned

📥 Free Read, Write, Discuss Chart — Download it here free to get started with our simple process right away.

🎥 How to Simplify Your Homeschool — This free 3-day video course goes right along with everything we talked about today. Grab it at here and see if it gets you going!

We are breaking down why character education is the foundation your homeschool actually needs, and sharing 3 practical ways to start building it in your home this week:

✅Why curriculum delivers information but character determines everything else

✅1 question to ask at dinner tonight that builds character, ownership and leadership

✅How to focus on just one character quality for 3 to 4 months without overwhelm

✅Why a single Bible verse can do more for your child than any curriculum can

✅The tool that helps your whole family work on character together every single day

Grab the Character Training Toolkit mentioned in this episode and start building what really matters in your homeschool.

Resources for You

Character Training Toolkit (charts, e-book, videos)

Free Character Mini Chart

Show Notes:

The Real Goal of Homeschooling: Raising Kids with Godly Character

If your child graduates with straight A's but lacks wisdom, character, and courage — have you really succeeded? Grades were never meant to be the goal of education. Today I want to talk about the real goal of homeschooling.

God Uses Young Leaders — Not Just Good Test Takers

When we go back and look at Scripture, we see repeatedly that God does use young leaders. But these leaders aren't necessarily ones that just passed the test. It goes so much deeper than that.

David led Israel as a young man. He killed Goliath with some rocks. Daniel influenced kings through wisdom and character. They both had godly character and they had faith.

We have the freedom to raise thinkers, leaders, and disciples. And that is exactly what we should be doing.

Here's the thing. Curriculum delivers information. Character determines how that information is used. Let me repeat that. Curriculum delivers information. Character determines how that information is used.

The Story of William Wilberforce

I want to tell you a little story about a man named William Wilberforce. His dad died when he was 9, so his mom sent him to London to live with his aunt and uncle. They were believers, and there was a lot of Christian influence in the home.

He was exposed to a man named George Whitfield and became a believer himself at the age of 12. He also became friends with John Newton — for those of you who don't know who John Newton is, he wrote Amazing Grace. He was a slave trader who turned pastor. Wilberforce started seeking spiritual counsel from John Newton.

And he said this: God had set before me two objects — the suppression of the slave trade, the reformation of manners.

This took a lot of courage. Christian worldview drives out slavery — it is an anti-slavery mission. But this cause was very unpopular in Parliament back in the day.

Wilberforce became the target of ridicule, political attacks, and even assassination threats. People wanted to kill him because he wanted to get rid of the slave trade. Admiral Nelson was so irate that he actually pummeled Wilberforce on the street.

Twenty Years of Perseverance

He began in 1793. He introduced an abolition bill. It failed by 8 votes. Then he had a new bill banning British ships from the slave trade. It failed by 2 votes. His political allies began to abandon him, but he continued to introduce abolition bills year after year.

Twenty years of influencing public opinion. And he began to see the tide turn against the evils of slavery.

Fast forward to February 23, 1807. He's in the House of Commons. The room rose to its feet, turned to Wilberforce, and began to cheer — three rousing Hip Hip Hoorays — while Wilberforce sat with his head bowed and wept. He was so overcome. The vote passed 283 to 16.

They had abolished the British slave trade.

That's the kind of person I want my kids to be. And I'm sure you want your kids to be strong in their faith but also strong in character. That is the character of a leader — faith-driven purpose, moral courage, perseverance despite failure after failure, a long-term vision, and a leadership stand that protects millions of lives.

How to Build Godly Character in Your Kids

So how can we take this story and apply it to you? I believe we need to be raising our kids to have courage, perseverance, and endurance. And I think we take it off of our shoulders and put it on God's shoulders to train our kids in godly character. It was godly character that got Wilberforce through 20 years.

I wouldn't try to tackle every character quality at once. I would choose one character quality that your kids need to work on and spend 3 or 4 months on it. Find a verse that reinforces that godly character. Let your kids memorize it and say it every morning at breakfast. And then, when they struggle and they don't do it, you bring them back to that verse. It's always back to God's words — not my words.

One of the things we have put out is our Character Training Toolkit. There are three charts, and they all have the positive and the negative — for example, truthful and cheating. There's a space to write what happens when they're truthful and what happens when they're cheating, a verse, and you've already decided ahead of time what you're going to do. It also comes with mini charts you can put on the refrigerator, so everyone in the house is working on it together. I'll put a link to that in the show notes.

Simple Dinner Table Questions That Develop Character

Another thing you could do is at dinner tonight ask, what is one good decision you made today? This trains your kids to think about their character. It trains them to take ownership and leadership of their character.

It forces them to think about how their day went. A low could be that they sinned and they need to confess it. A high may be that they were truthful and received a blessing. These types of activities develop ownership and leadership — and that's what I want in my kids. They didn't need to be dependent on me for the rest of their life.

The Question to Ask About Every Curriculum Choice

As you look at resources for your homeschool — whether it's curriculum or whatever — use this question: Will this help my child become wiser? Or just busier?

Is it just checking off a checklist so they can get a grade? Or are you truly building wisdom in your children? Great homeschooling parents protect curiosity, character, and independent thinking — which leads to ownership and leadership.

Your homeschool is not just preparing your kids for college or a job. You are raising thinkers, leaders, influencers, and disciples.

Character was one of the most important things for me. Besides a relationship with God, that is what I wanted for my kids — to think biblically and critically, and to act according to the Bible as well.

Check the show notes for links to the Character Training Toolkit, the Leaders in Training series, the e-book on manners, and the other resources mentioned in this episode.

If you got one thing out of this episode, would you please share it with another homeschooler or Christian parent who could use it? And wherever you're listening, leave a review or a comment — that would mean the world to me.

We are breaking down 2 powerful tools that reveal whether real learning is actually happening in your homeschool, and why ditching the test might be the best decision you make this year:

✅Why tests measure short-term memory, not actual understanding

✅The 2 tools that reveal what your child is truly learning

✅How ONE simple question after any lesson builds thinking skills

✅Why https://howtohomeschoolmychild.com/177younger and older kids need different assessment approaches

✅The one daily habit that turns reading into deep, lasting learning

Grab the free resource mentioned in this episode and go even deeper into the process that makes real learning stick.

Resources for You

• Free 3-Step Thinking Process Chart
• Raising Leaders, Not Followers Course 
• Factory Model Education: Why Homeschool Moms Feel Overwhelmed
• How to Break Out of the Homeschool Trap

Show Notes:

Do Kids Really Need Tests? How to Know If Real Learning Is Happening

Hey, let's be honest — your child could pass the test on Friday and forget everything by Monday, right? So if that's true, how do we know if real learning is even happening? That's what we're going to talk about today.

Some of you really do worry: Are my kids learning anything? Are they going to turn out okay? Will they be prepared for life?

Testing Measures Memory, Not Wisdom

We tend to think tests are the way to go. We just need to give them a test and find out. But testing often measures short-term memory, not wisdom — not long-term memory.

One of my goals for our kids was to think wisely, to think critically, and to think biblically. I think wisdom is so important.

Albert Einstein struggled in traditional schooling environments that emphasize memorization. And yet, his curiosity and his questioning produced breakthroughs in physics — the general theory of relativity — because of curiosity, because of questioning. Not because of memorizing something and taking a test.

Real learning shows up as curiosity, connections, and insight. It allows your kids to go deep instead of surface learning.

The Power of Discussion

I have two powerful tools I want to share with you. The first one is discussion. Discussion activates the brain in ways worksheets can't. It encourages open questions, conversations, and thinking out loud. This is so important because it prepares our kids for life and gets them to start thinking.

And did you know writing is just thinking on paper? So you could be discussing this around the dinner table, or you could have the kids writing.

One of the things that we teach is our Read, Write, Discuss method. We go deep into this in Raising Leaders, Not Followers, but basically every day your child reads something, they write one page in their writing journal — not a narration, but about how questions and why questions — and then discuss it once a week.

That works well in any subject. You can do it in science, in history, in literature, in music. You could even do it in math sometimes.

I encourage families to use your family read aloud. Whatever book you're reading out loud, everyone hears it. Every day you're reading it out loud, and then you write in your reading journal. This is especially true for older kids, because that is when those thinking skills really kick in, around 12 and 13 and up.

They're going to write one page, and then once a week, you'll discuss it. Don't discuss your family read aloud every day — it sort of takes the fun out of reading. But once a week, have a discussion and ask open-ended questions and let them talk about it.

The Power of Narration for Younger Kids

For younger kids, I would say the power of narration. Narration is a powerful tool. Charlotte Mason has really made that popular, and for people that follow the Charlotte Mason approach, this is their primary learning assessment.

You can have a narration out loud, or you can have a narration on paper — a narration notebook where they write their narration. I would say younger kids, you could even do this with 4- and 5-year-olds, up to maybe 3rd grade, always narrating out loud.

But as they get older, they should be able to write a paragraph about whatever they remember from the story. It's just telling back what they learned in their own words. It strengthens their memory, it improves communication, and it reveals to you their understanding of what was read.

For moms that have multiple kids, it's hard to read everything that everyone's reading. So I say start with your read aloud, just to get started and get into a rhythm — discussion for older kids, and narration for younger kids.

One Simple Prompt That Reveals Everything

After reading anything, just say: Tell me the most interesting thing you learned or remember from that book. That works in any subject.

You're not adding more to your schedule. You're taking what you're already doing and instead of giving them a test — and I know a test is easier for mom, print it out and let them do it — but ask them, what's the most interesting thing that you learned? And then let them tell you.

This simple prompt reveals attention, comprehension, and curiosity. You can evaluate if they are learning. You don't need a test.

For what it's worth, I didn't keep grades until high school. I paid attention to what they were doing and what they were learning, and we would have conversations. Even when they were in elementary school, one by one they would come right to the kitchen table and sit in that chair, and we would talk about whatever they were working on and what they were learning. That is how I evaluated them.

I did not give them a grade on their writing ability. The only purpose for that reading journal is to get their thoughts out of their head and onto paper. So don't even grade complete sentences. It's a journal — they're just getting their ideas out.

Frederick Douglass and the Power of Real Learning

Frederick Douglass was born into slavery, and around the age of 12, his owner's wife started teaching him the alphabet. It was illegal to teach slaves to read. The owner found out and forbid his wife from doing it, because he didn't want to make Frederick Douglass unmanageable.

But secret learning began. He started trading bread for reading lessons with poor white boys. He learned everywhere he could — in the streets, from neighborhood children, from scraps of books. He began to read newspapers constantly and became very curious about the world and what freedom was. He started reading a journal called the Columbian Orator, and this reading awakened his opposition to slavery.

It wasn't a bunch of tests. It wasn't a bunch of workbooks. It was reading — deep into his soul. Education became leadership for him. He started sharing his knowledge with other enslaved people, and eventually started a secret Sunday literacy class where he taught slaves to read the New Testament, with dozens attending.

His literacy brought about confidence, critical thinking, and leadership. His early self-education was the foundation for what he became — an abolitionist, a writer, a national speaker.

And I think that's what we want for our kids. To give them a foundation in reading and writing and discussing is the perfect foundation to learn about any subject area.

The One Question to Ask After Every Lesson

So what is the one question that you're going to ask after any lesson? What did you think about that? Or, what did you learn about that?

When you do that, it develops thinking skills. It builds confidence. And it reveals what real learning is taking place. That's what we want. We don't need tests. We just need to read, write, and discuss.

Free Resource: I have a free chart you can grab — our three-step thinking process chart. You can find it at here. When you're there, read the blog post I've written because it dives even deeper into this Read, Write, Discuss process and moves you even further into independent learning — so that your kids begin to have the tools of learning, and they can learn anything in life.

This episode breaks down what is leadership education, why it is completely different from the traditional (public school) model most of us grew up with, and how simple shifts can change everything about how you homeschool:

✅The ONE question you can ask your kids this week that sparks real critical thinking

✅3 signs your child is actually growing that have nothing to do with a test

✅The surprising historical reason schools were never designed to raise thinkers

✅Why finishing the checklist-curriculum is actually working against your child's growth

✅Why this approach pulls the best from 5 different homeschool methods into one clear purpose

Stop letting someone else's curriculum tell you what kind of homeschool mom to be. Hit play and find out how to take back the reins.

Resources to Help YOU

Raising Leaders, Not Followers Course.

How to Simplify Your Homeschool Course (3 daily videos, 5 minutes or less)

Factory Model Education: Why Homeschool Moms Feel Overwhelmed

Show Notes:

You Left the School System — But Did You Leave Its Blueprint?

Did you know many homeschool moms believe they have escaped the school system, but unknowingly they're still following its blueprint? The trap? They are focusing on information instead of transformation.

Why do so many moms follow the traditional school model? Now, this isn't traditional over thousands of years — it's just the last 150 years. Why do we follow it? Because it's what we know. We grew up on the conveyor belt. It feels comfortable because it's what we know, and we don't know where to go to get off it.

The traditional system was built during the industrial revolution. What was its purpose? To train workers for factories. They needed people that could not think. They needed worker bees that would do what they were told. And let's be honest, that's really where our society is. Most people don't know how to think.

Where This Model Came From — And Why It Was Never About Your Child

Horace Mann was an education reformer who helped popularize the Prussian model of school back in the 1800s. This is what Charlotte Mason was so totally opposed to. That model treated a child as if they were a container that you just poured bits of information into and then let them regurgitate it. And that's a lot of what we do today in a traditional school — whether that's a public school or a private school.

Horace Mann's goal in moving this from Europe to America was uniformity, obedience, compliance, and efficiency. It was not leadership. It was not innovation. It was not freedom. They wanted to control society. Industrialists were pouring billions of dollars into the education system, and Horace Mann went right along with it.

Homeschooling, if we do it a different way, gives us the freedom to pursue a completely different goal. And Christian homeschooling does the same thing — just with a faith-based foundation.

What Is Leadership Education — And Why Does It Matter?

Instead of asking what information should my child memorize — which is teaching our kids what to think, a checklist mentality that isn't even your checklist, it's someone else's — leadership education asks a completely different question: what kind of person is my child becoming?

Do they have the tools of learning and the desire to learn anything they need? Leadership education, or freedom education, teaches our kids how to think instead of just what to think. That's what I wanted. I wanted my kids to know how to think critically, how to think in wisdom, and how to think biblically.

We homeschooled for 10 years. Halfway through, I started with Charlotte Mason, then moved to classical and interspersed some unit studies. But then I found leadership education and I was all in — because I believe it integrates all the best things from different approaches. The best of Charlotte Mason, classical, the Christian principal approach, unit studies, delight-directed learning — all put together with the purpose to raise kids to lead.

And y'all are like, "Well, my kids aren't going to be a leader." Well, they may not be CEO or mayor of the city, but they're probably going to have kids someday and they will need to lead their family.

From Information to Transformation: A Shift in Perspective

When we quit asking about information and we start looking at transformation, we make a shift — a shift to character, thinking, initiative, responsibility, and so much more.

George Washington had little formal education. What shaped him the most was mentorship. Lord Fairfax helped shape George Washington as a man — full, well-rounded mentoring. Thomas Jefferson had George Wythe mentoring him. They were all there at the same time during the colonial period.

And what were they using? Reading, being responsible at a young age, writing about it — Benjamin Franklin talks about that in his autobiography — and then discussing it. Read, write, discuss. This is how we can mentor young people to lead. These are the leadership qualities that allowed George Washington to lead a nation right in its very beginning.

What You Can Do This Week

I'm just giving you the tip of the iceberg here. But what are some things you could do this week?

Start asking your kids leadership-type questions. What do you think about that? Don't tell them what you think. Let them think. Too often, moms, we answer our own question and don't give them the opportunity to think. And they catch on — Mom's going to answer it anyway, so I don't have to think.

Try: Why do you think that happened in the story? What would you have done if you were that person? These questions get them to think and open the door for discussion. Discussions grow thinkers.

It's just one mindset shift that can bring instant clarity. Shift away from "did we finish the lesson?" — that's checklist productivity and it's not what you want — to "did my child grow today?" That is where they begin to take ownership of their own education, and you begin to take ownership of your homeschool instead of letting some curriculum tell you what to do.

Growth might look like curiosity, deeper questions, moral insight, responsibility, perseverance, or even kindness to a sibling. There are a lot of ways that growth can look. Instead of just having a test to check off, we want to look at their growth on a regular basis.

Free Resource: How to Simplify Your Homeschool

I know this may feel overwhelming, but I have created a free course called How to Simplify Your Homeschool. It's three short daily videos — five minutes or less each. It gives you ideas to simplify your homeschool and to think beyond the textbook and beyond the conveyor belt, so that you can see your child actually growing.

Grab the free course at howtoschooolmychild.com/simplify.

Most homeschool moms recreate the factory model education system they walked away from. They don’t mean to, but they do. This system teaches kids what to think, not how to think. It, also, turns them into followers, not leaders. But what if doing LESS actually produced stronger learners?

In this episode:

✅The 3-question filter to eliminate busy work and focus on what actually matters

✅ONE simple practice to start this week to stop overwhelm

✅75 reasons you’re totally overwhelmed, homeschool mom

✅How factory model education creates followers for the Industrial Revolution—not thinkers

✅Why depth beats breadth

✅How great leaders like Edison and Lincoln learned differently

Ready to break free from factory model education? 

Grab the free 3-day video course "How to Simplify Your Homeschool" with daily emails, short videos, and printables to help you put it into practice!

Resources Mentioned: 

Free Course: How to Simplify Your Homeschool

Course: Raising Leaders, Not Followers (17 tips on encouraging a love of learning) 

Show Notes:

Have you ever looked at your homeschool plan and felt like you were running a miniature public school in your living room? Many homeschool moms feel overwhelmed — not because they're doing too little, but because they are trying to do too much and follow the wrong model.

The real issue is that, unintentionally, we recreate the system we walked away from. Think about it: three kids, times five lessons a day, times five days a week — that's 75 lesson plans a week. No wonder you're overwhelmed.

Most homeschool moms were trained on the factory school model of education. They all come in to first grade, they do all the same things, and they go down the factory line all the way to 12th grade. Everything the same. Tested the same. It's like a factory.

This model teaches us that learning must include multiple-choice tests, many subjects a day, and textbooks for everything. We've only had textbooks in the last hundred years — before that, they used real books. This model teaches us that worksheets, grading, and constant assessment is what education is. And even when we leave that school system, subconsciously we recreate it because that's all we know.

All that system does is teach your kids what to think, not how to think. Don't you want your kids to know how to think and not just be a follower? That system creates followers — many worker bees. It was built because of the industrial revolution and they needed a lot of workers. So they built an education system that would produce followers.

What Thomas Edison's Mom Knew That We Forget

Thomas Edison struggled in traditional school. His teacher called him addled. His mother removed him from school and homeschooled him in the 1850s — we're talking almost 175 years ago. How did she homeschool him? Through reading, through curiosity, and through experimentation.

That set up Edison to be a leader. He developed the light bulb, but because of curiosity and experimentation and strong character, he said, "I didn't fail a thousand times. I found 10,000 ways to not make a light bulb." He kept experimenting. He kept being curious to figure out an answer.

He later credited his mother with giving him the freedom to explore ideas that led to over 1,000 patents — not just the light bulb, a thousand patents. One devoted parent focusing on curiosity can outperform an entire public school system.

Why Doing Less Actually Produces Stronger Learners

I think it's not doing less education — it's doing less traditional conveyor belt education and doing more leadership education. Freedom education that gives your kids the freedom in life to pursue whatever they are called to do.

One big factor is depth. Depth creates real learning. The brain builds strong connections when ideas are explored deeply rather than just skimmed quickly. Abraham Lincoln had less than one year of formal education. He educated himself primarily through reading a small number of great books repeatedly — what we would call classics.

Some of you hear "classics" and you go, "Oh, boring." Well, I consider Anne of Green Gables and Little House on the Prairie a classic. I consider The Hobbit a classic. Don't think just because it says classic, it's old and dusty.

I remember when my girls were going to read the Iliad. It comes in and it's that thick. I told myself I was reading it with them — if they're in high school and they can understand it, surely as an adult I can read and understand it. It was an awesome book. These books shaped Abraham Lincoln into a great leader. He didn't study a whole bunch of different subjects. He studied fewer ideas and he really dove deeply into them.

The Three Question Filter: Cut the Busy Work

Before you add anything to your homeschool, ask yourself three questions. Does this help my child love learning and think deeply? Does this strengthen their character or their wisdom? Does this move them toward becoming an independent learner with lifetime learning tools?

If you say no to one of these, it may just be busy work. And if it's busy work, get rid of it. You can see more learning taking place in 20 minutes than an hour or two of worksheets.

I am not asking you to add something to your homeschool. Whatever your kids are already doing, get rid of all the extra stuff if you're overwhelmed and let's just focus on three things this week. Make sure they're reading, make sure they're using thinking skills, and make sure they're growing in their character.

What to Do Today: Go Deep Instead of Wide

Ask yourself this question: if my child mastered three things this week, what would they be? Write them down. If you're driving, say them out loud. What three things could each child master this week? That's what you want to dive deep into.

Let your child choose one subject this week — something they are going to go deeper in instead of just passing through and checking off a checklist like public school. If you follow their interest instead of yours, this encourages a love of learning. Let them make a choice of something they're interested in and dive deep into it.

Then let them read a short passage about it. Ask them what they learned. What was their favorite part? Have the discussion. For younger kids, start with narration — just let them tell back what they learned. For older kids, ask a question that starts with how or why. How and why questions will get them to start thinking.

Reading will produce a love of learning if you can find the right books. Believe me, I had to work hard for one of my children. My son Hunter didn't like to read. I was constantly on the lookout for a good quality book, and it took time and effort on my part. But he's an avid reader now. All of my kids love to read now.

What Homeschooling Is Really About

When you simplify your homeschool and you're not trying to do it all, you create space that actually matters — space for a love of learning, for thinking and discussion, for character building, and for leadership development. This is what homeschooling is about for me. I wanted my kids to grow in all four of these areas.

Free Resource: How to Simplify Your Homeschool

If you're overwhelmed and need to simplify, I have a free 3-day video course called How to Simplify Your Homeschool. It comes each day in an email with a short 3 to 5 minute video and a printable of how you could put that into practice.

I've had moms say how much this has helped them get off that conveyor belt and start to simplify their homeschool. You can find it at howtoschooolmychild.com/simplify.

In this episode, you'll discover:

✅Why relationships are the foundation that makes all other learning possible—and what happens when they're broken

✅The secret to raising kids who actually love to read (hint: it's not assigning book reports)

✅How to teach writing so your kids can communicate clearly, graciously, and persuasively for any audience

✅Why math mastery matters more than moving through a curriculum—and what to do when kids fall behind

✅The difference between Googling answers and true research skills your kids will need for life

Ready to simplify and focus? The Seven R's will help you cut through curriculum overwhelm and build confident, capable lifelong learners.

Resources Mentioned:

Get your FREE Basic Pass to Life Skills Leadership Summit 2026 to give you confidence that your kids will be ready for adult life:

The Seven R's of Homeschooling by Meredith Curtis - Practical guide to majoring on the majors and minoring on the minors

Who Dun It? Literature & Writing by Meredith Curtis - Teach high schoolers to write their own cozy mystery

HIS Story of the 20th Century by Meredith Curtis

Meredith Curtis, pastor’s wife, mom to 5 homeschool graduates, and Grand-Merey to 8 angels, loves to read cozy mysteries, travel, hit the beach, and meet new people. She is always learning because the world is just full of mysteries and beauty! Meredith loves to encourage families in their homeschooling adventure because her own was such a blessing. She is a curriculum creator and author of Jesus, Fill My Heart & Home Bible Study and Who Dun It Murder Mystery Literature & Writing. Find Meredith at PowerlineProd.com, along with her online store and blog.

You can also follow Meredith on Facebook, Instagram, Youtube, and on the Finish Well Podcast.

Show Notes:

Kerry: Hey everyone, Kerry Beck here with Life Skills Leadership Summit where we are going to be talking about an extremely important topic that is tools of learning because I think all of you want your kids to be able to learn as an adult and not be dependent on a teacher or on you. And that's what Meredith Curtis is here to talk to us about. So, welcome Meredith. Thanks for being here.

Meredith: Oh, thank you for having me. I'm really excited about this year's conference and I love this topic we're talking about. I either call it tools of learning or the seven Rs and they're just so helpful in staying focused and making the majors the majors and the minors the minors.

Kerry: That's a great way to put it. We're going to dive into her seven Rs and how it can apply to your homeschool. But before we do that, could you just tell our listeners a little bit about you?

Meredith: Yes, I would love to. So, my name is Meredith Curtis and I am a pastor's wife. I'm the mother of five homeschool graduates and I have eight grandchildren that are perfect angels and I feed them too much sugar.

I love spending time with my grandchildren. I love to travel. I love to read. I love Jesus. That's probably the most important thing. And I'm a writer and a speaker.

Kerry, I love creating curriculum. I love teaching. I love creating curriculum. I love writing Bible studies, studying the Bible. Probably one of my favorite things is I wrote a curriculum called Who Done It? It's my most popular book, and it basically is a high school English class that teaches teens how to write their own cozy mystery.

And I actually started writing a cozy mystery series. I have three books in it so far—Tea Time Trouble, Pumpkin Patch Peril, and Old-Fashioned Christmas Murder.

Kerry: Okay, y'all. She has two interviews and we've talked about the cozy mysteries in the last one. So, y'all go listen to that. But I was just fascinated. I knew she taught the kids, but now she's written three of her own mystery books. And so, I just think that is so exciting as well. Plus, her husband, does he have four books out now?

Meredith: He does. Well, he actually has a fifth book that's not fiction. It's called Forging Godly Men, and it's about mentoring godly men.

Kerry: The other ones are novels. So he's got the four novels plus the one on raising our boys to be godly men. Today we're going to talk about writing, but let's back up. I know you either call it the tools of learning or the seven Rs. How did you discover these tools of learning?

How the 7 Rs Were Born from Crisis

Meredith: Okay. So, I was in my early 40s and I had a four-year-old, five-year-old, six-year-old. My oldest was already graduating from high school, starting college. And so I had this wide range of five children.

And my parents got really sick, Kerry. They were so sick and they live four hours away. So I was constantly taking a trip down to South Florida. I live in Central Florida and I would drive that 4 hours and stay with them a few days and then come home.

I had to leave one of the older kids in charge of one or two of the younger ones and bring another older one with me with the younger one. And it was just very challenging. And of course, I was heartbroken because my parents were very sick.

So during that time, I had to just ask the Lord, "What is the most important thing for my kids to get done?" Because they're going to be doing school apart from me. And the other one, we're going to be in the hospital or we're going to be in doctor's offices or we're going to be taking care of my parents. And I need to be able to at a glance know that they're getting it. So I really need help, Lord.

And that is, you know, this is kind of birthed from that. You think about the three Rs, reading, writing, arithmetic. So, this is kind of what I felt like I discovered as a homeschool mom, that these were the tools of learning, the majors, and that if some of the other stuff fell by the wayside, these tools that I kept focusing on were going to allow them to learn anything at all that they needed.

It was a really sad season in my life and my mom ended up passing away. My father moved close to us and then two years later he passed away. So it was a very hard season but out of that the Lord taught me not just life lessons but homeschooling lessons. God always brings good things out of very sad things.

Kerry: I'm so sorry for your loss. And yet I see it because you got to take care of the majors and let go of things. And there are seasons in homeschooling, seasons in our lives that you may not go to every activity or every art lesson or whatever. You've got to just take care of the majors.

Relationships: The Foundation of Everything

Kerry: I know that you and I, there's one thing in particular even beyond academics and that's relationships. So why would you say relationships are so foundational to everything else?

Meredith: Well, I think that life is basically number one thing relationship. God says he wants to have a relationship with us. In Revelation, he stands at the door and knocks and if anyone hears his voice, he comes in and eats with them. And you only eat with people you like. You know what I mean? Like that's relationship.

So I think we have a relational God. He created people to be relational. And learning, I think when learning is birthed out of strong relationships, it is so different because I love Jesus. So I want to learn because I want to glorify him. I want to know what did he create and how does things work.

When I became a Christian at 16, learning was a whole new thing for me. It just fascinated me. What is God doing in history? What is he doing here? And so I think when relationships are strong, that's the vertical relationship, but my relationship with my children, if my children know how much I love them, how much I respect them, how much I want their life to be blessed and fulfilled, they're going to be motivated to learn, not just for me, but with me.

I think we learn as a family. I didn't know everything when I started homeschooling. I loved learning along the way. And every time we went back through US geography, I learned more.

In contrast to that, when relationships are bad and there's yelling, there's always going to be fighting in a home, especially if you have more than one child. But how you resolve it can be resolved in a way that they can be closer afterward.

But if there is constant bickering, if your children don't feel like you're for them, if you don't have a high opinion of your children, you're frustrated with them, learning doesn't really take place well. They might be learning, but so often in those situations, I see kids memorizing facts for a test, but they don't enjoy learning.

I have just had some of my middle school classes that I teach online. These kids, they're not shy yet, you know, like some of the high schoolers are shy, but they're just—I love learning. And I think they have a family, a home that's happy, that they feel loved by their family and it always bears it out when they talk about their parents, they talk about their siblings, it's positive.

So, I think relationships set the atmosphere, but also all the studies I've ever read, the most confident people know that they're loved. And when our children know that they're loved, it gives them a confidence that they can learn anything.

Kerry: So good. And really, relationships are what's going to last forever and ever. I mean, even beyond this earth. And so we want to build those good relationships.

Plus sometimes, you know, later in life, your kids, their siblings, they may need their siblings to be there for them. And we need to build that relationship and that security so that when they take that risk to go learn something that they're not really sure if they know how to go learn it, then they still feel safe in doing that.

The Seven Rs Explained

Kerry: I know you've got these seven Rs. Can you just sort of rattle them off real quickly for us so people sort of have an understanding of what we're talking about?

Meredith: Okay. So it would be relationships, reading, rhetoric—it's really communication and thinking—and then writing, research, arithmetic, and right living.

Kerry: We're going to dive into some of these. And you mentioned rhetoric and that's a term that's sometimes thrown around. I believe that a couple hundred years ago, everyone really understood that because it was just part of education. And in the 20th century, we have really gotten away from that term. So tell us just a little bit about what that is and why that would be a tool of learning for our kids.

Rhetoric: Learning to Think and Communicate

Meredith: Okay. So rhetoric is basically communicating in a way to inform or persuade. Cicero wrote about rhetoric, Aristotle wrote about rhetoric and people still read those. They're not really difficult reading, but some high school kids would enjoy reading those two men. Aristotle was Greek, Cicero was Roman.

And it's basically being able to think through things and being able to communicate.

So it would cover everything from greeting people and having casual conversations with them, saying, "Oh, Kerry, how are you today?" things like that. And then it would go all the way to watching the news and saying, "Okay, is this logical? Does this make sense? Does this jive with this over here?"

And then being able to communicate in conversations, even as far as speaking, eventually reading aloud, all those things to communicate clearly and concisely and graciously.

We have some really dynamic speakers in our day, Kerry, that are so ungracious. And sometimes I listen, I'm like, I agree with everything you say, but I wish you would be nicer or you wouldn't use bad language. And so, all of that is involved in rhetoric—the thinking and then what we allow to come through our mouth.

Kerry: That is so good. And we need to teach our kids how to communicate instead of just regurgitate a bunch of facts which tends to be sort of our school system. And I could go off and tell y'all stories but we're not going to.

Reading: From Struggle to Success

Kerry: I sort of jumped straight to rhetoric and I overlooked reading. Because you sort of have to be able to read. I mean, you can communicate like this, but we need to be able to read to then be able to make decisions and think through and think critically to then communicate. So, can you tell us just a little bit about raising our kids to be able to read and not hate it, maybe actually enjoy it a little bit?

Meredith: Yes. Yes. And so, I mean, I could do a whole workshop on this, so I'm going to be really quick, but basically, teach your kids to read. I taught with phonics. I thought it was very simple. But teach them to read and then once they can read, give them everything possible that they can read that's easy and makes them feel successful.

In everything when you're homeschooling, you want to lead children from success to success to success, a challenge, then more success, success, success, so that they're mostly feeling confident and then sometimes challenged.

And so with reading, they read all these easy readers and then you start introducing classic literature like Charlotte's Web and Stuart Little and then you just keep going with classic literature.

The reason I say classic literature is because a lot of the writing even for adults in our culture is at about a third grade level if you went a hundred years ago. So, if we want our children to value freedom, they're going to have to read things by John Locke. They're going to have to read things by Edmund Burke, and they're going to need to be able to read at a stronger level.

So, when you keep giving children classic books, the stories are amazing. It's going to build their vocabulary. It's going to help their reading, and they're eventually going to be interested. They hear about a topic, they'll think, "Oh, I'll pick up that book and read it."

The way I really made sure that my children enjoyed reading, that was my goal for them to enjoy reading. So I never assigned books until they were in high school.

What I did is I had a bookshelf and it had about six shelves and I filled it. They could read anything they wanted from that bookshelf and they just had to tell me the book they read and I would write it down and I would say did you like it or who was your favorite character or what was your favorite thing about it.

I never had them—I taught them how to write a book report and they wrote like two or three but that wasn't my goal because I wanted them to love to read and I wanted them to meet friends in make-believe places, in real places and say I want to go back, I want to read that again. So that was my goal.

My son was my hardest and he just hated to read and he loved math but he didn't like reading. And so I remember he got saved in like middle school and he came to me. He's like, "Mom, I didn't read any of those books I told you that I read." And so this summer I'm going to read them all because now I want to live for God.

But in high school, by the time he graduated from high school, his favorite book was The Count of Monte Cristo, which is like a thousand-page book. So eventually he learned to read. I never gave up on him. But I always tried to find things that he would like, series that he would like. He loved biographies and I got him a lot of biographies. I got him like all these war books about, you know, this bomber, this plane.

My goal the whole time was I want my children to love to read and to be able to read anything they want.

And I just want to add this. If you have a child with a learning disability, don't just limit them to listening to audio books for the rest of their life. Maybe they need to listen to every other book audio because the reading assignments are too much. But if they're going to do audio, have them read along with the book and follow with the book because that is going to help them to become a stronger reader.

There's also a lot of tools for kids with learning disabilities. Don't give up on reading. I've met like 11th graders and they're like, "I don't read. I just listen to audiobooks" and I'm like, "Oh, I'm going to challenge you to read."

I had one student like that. And he said, "Okay, I'm going to read this book." And we were reading Plymouth Plantation by William Bradford. He didn't get the modern translation. He got the one from the 1600s.

And I said, "Honey, this was the worst book that you will ever read in your life. And if you got through that, you can read anything." And he loved to read after that, but his mom had told him he couldn't. He had a learning disability. And so he had a lot of drive to be able to read like the other kids in our homeschool co-op.

I think reading opens the door. You have to read emails, you have to read texts, but reading is just such an open door to adventure. So, I love reading. I'm a very big fan. My parents were both big fans of reading, too.

Kerry: Well, and I think your story plays out. I know for me, you've got to get if you have a child that doesn't like to read, continue to search for something of their interest. And you just have to be patient and give them grace. Give yourself grace.

My son did not—I mean he could read, he could read a book and he would do it but did he enjoy it? No. And now he's 31 years old and once he got out of college, he loves to read. We exchange titles but like that was 15 years of time just waiting and you're thinking oh next month they're going to love to read.

Look, God takes time to work with me so be patient and give yourself years. For my son, it was 12 years.

Kerry: And we're like, okay, our kids are grown. Take it from someone that's already been there, not someone that's in the same level as you are.

Writing: From Speaking to the Page

Kerry: So we have reading, we've got rhetoric. Then the next thing, what do you see as any kind of secret to writing effectively?

Meredith: Well, I think if you can communicate an idea, then it's easier to write it. So if you can speak, it's easier to write.

So what I would often do with my children is—number one, if I was asking them to write a paragraph, we would read paragraphs together. See how this is a topic sentence and how these sentences—or let's read this essay. This is so interesting.

First of all, I think for writing, you have to be able to read the kind of writing that you're going to write. Children just don't naturally know how to write an essay. And if you give them the directions, but you don't give them an example, they still don't know what to do.

I would always have my children talk to me. Tell me what you want to write about. And then we would just talk and oh that's a great idea. And you know, kind of helping them think through. I had a pattern for teaching writing.

I spent a couple of years on sentences because a good sentence makes or breaks a paper. And I still, you know, I teach high school kids and I have some of them who can't write good sentences. So we spent a lot of time writing sentences.

First they were so young they would dictate to me and I would write it and then soon they could write their own and then we wrote paragraphs and we wrote all kinds of different paragraphs and we always enclosed our writing in a letter to grandparents because that teaches children early on.

Okay, so you're writing this paragraph for grandma, then you're going to write it differently than this paragraph that you're writing for Aunt Julie because she's interested in horses whereas grandma is interested in books and knitting. It teaches them to think in terms of an audience which is really important when you write.

So then from paragraphs we would actually move to reports, essays and things like that in middle school. So we did a lot of basic writing and then whenever they wanted to write stories, I'd say, "Oh yeah, write the story." And if they couldn't write well, they could dictate to me and I would type it on the computer.

Then in high school, we did all the analyzing literature, writing a research paper. We wrote a novel one year. And fiction is very different than writing non-fiction. So I think my kids wrote every kind of essay, every kind of report. But I tried to make it really fun.

And one thing I also did in high school was I'd say, "Okay, here's a paper from two years ago. I'd like you to turn it into a blog post." And they really enjoyed that. But blogging is a completely different kind of writing than writing an essay.

We always shared our writing with other people because I wanted them to have in their mind an audience. Whenever I teach homeschool co-op classes, I always have the kids read their papers out loud and that allows them to have an audience.

So I say when you're writing this paper, look around the room. This is your audience and you're going to read it out loud to them and you want to write something they'll enjoy. So when I grade their writing papers, I always look for readability. Is it enjoyable to read? Is it written for the audience?

And three of my children went into writing. So one became an editor at a magazine and she writes—now she has her own business. She writes. My other daughter taught writing and literature at the local university and now she's a stay-at-home mom. And my youngest daughter has written a screenplay and short stories and stuff like that.

Now my daughter Juliana who works for Verizon says she hates writing but she's actually a very good writer. She just doesn't like it.

Kerry: That is so good. You know you said something that I know we did a lot in the beginning years. It is easier for kids to speak sentences than to write their first few sentences. So if they speak it as a sentence, I would type up—Hunter would be talking to me about snakes or whatever we read about and we would type it, then the next day he would copy it or edit it.

The other thing is giving your kids a reason to write and getting a grade is not a real life reason to write. You've got to have an audience. And if there's an audience, that alone can motivate some kids to actually do a better job because they feel like they're writing to a person. And if you're just writing for a grade, that's sort of dull sometimes.

Arithmetic: Consistency and Mastery

Kerry: We've got writing, then we have arithmetic. And I know there's some moms that have some fear. I was a math minor and by the time my kids got in high school I was like what did I learn in my math minor years? I loved math in high school but by then I didn't really care for math as much. So what kind of tips can you give them because we do need our kids to be able to use math skills?

Meredith: I think my number one tip for math would be do math every day and put a time limit on it so it doesn't feel like, oh my goodness, I'm going to be here two hours to finish this lesson. But I think consistency is the most important thing with math.

And be confident. Don't be afraid to hire a tutor for math or to put your kids in a co-op class for math because if mom hates math then it's hard for kids to like math. And I have a friend named Leanne and she did so much tutoring in our church for co-op kids because their moms just hated math.

I was like you—when my son took calculus I said honey, no idea. I don't know. But so I would say make sure that they're scoring 90% or higher on their tests and they know why they got the problems wrong.

And here's why. The early years they learn so many foundational things. And a lot of times when I'm helping kids who have trouble with pre-algebra, with algebra, with algebra 2 or geometry, it goes all the way back to fractions and decimals and multiplying and dividing.

One child was really struggling with math. So I just repeated a grade. I just repeated a whole grade in a different curriculum. And she ended up joining this engineering club called Math Counts in middle school and went all the way to state. So she wasn't dumb. She just needed more repetition.

I hear people say, "Well, why should they do repetition?" Well, I would say that math is learning to get the problems right over and over and over again until you're solid.

I always started with math because I feel like it kind of gets all the neurons charged and working—like sort of the workout for the brain. But again, I would just do it every day. It's better to do a half hour of math every day than do like a slug session for three hours because you're behind.

If kids get behind in math, they get behind in math and that means we do some math over the summer. That was kind of how I looked at it. But I was a real stickler with math and as a result the kids did well with math. But it wasn't necessarily anyone's favorite except for Jimmy my son.

Kerry: Well you know I think you hit on another good point—mastery. I was a public school teacher and we did have a minimum but nowadays it didn't matter if you know it or not. You just keep moving those kids through the school. What's the point?

If those kids do not understand single-digit division, they're not going to understand long division. So, work on it. And, you know, you can find some fun activities to make it all work. There's lots of hands-on. I do believe mastery in math because it is sequential and it keeps building on it like you said with geometry.

Meredith: That's a good point. Math is one of the few things that is sequential. Everything else you could learn, you know, American Revolution and then ancient history. It doesn't matter. But math is sequential. And so if they don't learn the basics, they're always going to struggle.

Research: Beyond "Hey Google"

Kerry: Okay. So after arithmetic, next we have got research. So how is that a tool? How would you encourage moms?

Meredith: Okay. Well, I think right now if you say research, people just look things up on Google.

Kerry: I know that's true. Or you know what? My grandkids wouldn't look it on Google. I'm not going to do it because I've got a little Google machine. They just go, "Hey, Google." And then they'd ask whatever that question is and let it speak to them and they don't even have to read it. They'll just listen.

Meredith: I always think, what if an enemy of the US just shut down our internet for a week? It would be like, oh my goodness.

But I think it's important for kids to know how to find things in books, like how to read a textbook to find the table of contents and how to go find the subject you're looking for. How to use directories, how to use an atlas, how to use maps. They could use Google Maps, but how did they find stuff on Google Maps?

And then just being able to go to different kinds of research books like a dictionary, a thesaurus, an encyclopedia, and then actually to research—to look things up and to find different books about it and research a topic and especially in research to read about opposing viewpoints.

I think that's very important to read about this viewpoint and this viewpoint that are completely polar opposites. I think that's an important part of research because there's been a main point in our school system for years and it's been like almost brainwashing kids but we don't want to do the same thing.

We want to make sure that our children know both sides of the issue and then where we stand and why we stand where we stand logically, not just based on emotion.

I think that's an important part of research. It kind of ties in with rhetoric. Also everything is research from looking up a recipe and finding the best recipe to researching for a research paper.

And so, you know, one of the things about research is trying out different things until you find what's best. Trying out different exercises till you find the one that works the best or you enjoy the most. So, research is really a lifelong thing.

Kerry: Even if you are saying, "Hey, Google."

Meredith: Yes. They're like, "Oh, Gigi, that's okay. We'll go find—here. Come here." And they take me over to their little machine and ask it a question. Sometimes they understand, the girls, sometimes they don't.

Kerry: That is so good. And I like that idea of research is all different things. It's not just writing a research paper. My kids actually every year in high school had to write one research paper. And we just really—the requirements in ninth grade were different than the 12th grade because hopefully they were growing in their research skills as well. And they do have to write so many research papers in college. So that was probably really helpful for them.

Now we got AI. So y'all go listen to the AI talks that we have in this summit because we're going to show you—no, you can't just go get AI to write your research paper. So we got a few little speakers on that. Y'all probably need to go listen.

Meredith: Oh, I need to listen to it because someone mentioned it and I was like, "My children in my classes would never use AI."

Right Living: The Closing Bookend

Kerry: The last one we started with relationships, which I think is super important. We got a lot of academic things. Right living—and that's the last one. But I don't think it's the least. So, tell us a little bit about that and why you put that there.

Meredith: Well, I put it last because it's kind of a sandwich of the academics. Relationship and then right living because right living is weaving through everything.

And you teach children to be polite, to be obedient, to work hard, not just with their chores, but with their schoolwork. And so it just makes sense.

And also there's something about living right even before children give their hearts to Christ. When you live the right way in a way that's moral, you feel better. You don't have like a lot of guilt. You don't have a lot of shame because you've done the right thing. You've worked hard. You've done what you need to do.

So, I feel like it's a confidence booster as well to have right living be part of a focus, but it makes teaching easier when you're focused on training children to have manners, to have virtue. It makes it easier to get school done because it's just part of their character to—okay, this is kind of my job. I'm going to do it well.

Kerry: That's so good. And I was thinking I didn't mean to steal your thunder by saying what I said, but relationships, right living—that's the most important. And I got the academics in the middle.

Meredith: Exactly. Yeah. It's like a sandwich. And so it's a reminder—I think when you start with right living, you can become legalistic, you can become harsh. But if you start with relationships and sandwich it with right living, I think it helps you have a really good balance between the two.

The 7 Rs Resource

Kerry: That is so good. Hey, I know you've got a really good resource about these seven Rs that could help our homeschoolers. Could you tell people a little bit about that?

Meredith: So, this is called The Seven Rs of Homeschooling. And you can tell all my books have a little Florida flair. A lot of them do. But it goes through each of the seven Rs I mentioned—how to teach them, practical resources.

It was again birthed out of that season where it was a necessity for me to major on the majors and minor on the minors. And so it's not like oh this is my theory from my Ivy League tower but this is where we had to live. And it really helped me kind of refocus.

And it ended up putting writing assignments and speaking, conversational—that's how we ended up putting book clubs in our literature classes and history classes because I found out how important conversation was. We just would have conversations all the way down to my parents' house.

So I really recommend The Seven Rs. It's an easy read and it goes through each one and how it's a benefit and how you can in practical ways—it talks about if you have some issues with reading with your kids and how to go step by step.

It's written for elementary, middle, and high school. So, you can pick it up when they're still in high school and just sort of give an overview of your children. If you pull your kids out of high school, out of a public school, and you bring them home, one of the things you want to do is you want to kind of evaluate where they're at in these—not with a test, but with just observing what are they able to do, what are they confident in, what do they still need more help. So, this is another good tool for that.

Kerry: That is awesome. So, wherever you're listening to this, look below and we will have a link that you can click on and go grab a copy of this excellent resource because I mean this will give you practical tips to be able to implement these seven Rs and evaluate where your kids are.

Meredith, thank you so much for being here. I am going to put a little note on there saying I'm sorry for the darkness on parts of the video, but I know we were in the late of the day and the sun's going down and we couldn't get the light to work. But you know what? The content here is excellent. So, thank y'all for just listening as well. And thank you for being here, Meredith. I appreciate it.

Meredith: Thank you for having me. I always love being here. Thank you.

Kerry: All right. And I'm Kerry Beck with Life Skills Leadership Summit. We'll talk to you next time.

Ready to major on the majors in your homeschool? Grab Meredith Curtis's book The 7 Rs of Homeschooling and discover practical, battle-tested strategies for raising lifelong learners. Visit lifeskillsleadershipsummit.com for the for a free Basic Pass to this year's summit and build confidence in teaching life skills and leadership!

In this episode, you'll discover:

✅ Why Peter's biggest failures uniquely qualified him to lead the early church with compassion and understanding

✅ The common lies Christian moms believe (I'm not doing enough, my kids won't turn out okay, I'm all alone) and the biblical truths that replace them

✅ How to identify the enemy's attacks in your own thought life and respond with God's truth instead

✅ Why accepting God's forgiveness—and forgiving yourself—is essential to stepping into your leadership calling

✅ The surprising truth about rest, busyness, and why filling every moment doesn't make you enough for God

Ready to replace lies with truth? Leaders aren't born perfect—they're made through failure, forgiveness, and faith. Discover your calling today.

Resources Mentioned:

Get your FREE Basic Pass to Life Skills Leadership Summit 2026 to give you confidence that your kids will be ready for adult life

Living Fearless by Jamie Winship - Finding your identity and calling in God, identifying lies you believe, and replacing them with truth

Unbound - Fighting Human Trafficking - Learn more about this important ministry and how to keep your students safe

Show Notes:

Hey everyone, Kerry Beck here with Life Skills Leadership Summit. Oh my goodness, it is finally here. It is Sunday night, five o'clock. We are going to have an awesome week.

We get such great response from the Life Skills Leadership Summit. And I think one reason we have many homeschoolers here, but this is not just homeschooling, how to homeschool or homeschool curriculum. This has something that has some purpose and intention and that is to raise our kids to be ready for adult life, to raise our kids to walk in Jesus and lead and influence for Jesus.

We have some people that homeschool, some people that don't. I would say most people do. But tonight, what I want to do is do a few things.

Before I tell you this, I want to introduce my friend Meredith Curtis. She is our prayer coordinator. Let me tell you, we need a lot of prayer for this. I just got home from Dallas. My granddaughter, who's not even two months old, was dedicated. So I drove in and I just bounced right into this.

I was praying on the way over here from Dallas. It's a three-hour drive just that y'all would be blessed. I really hope that God speaks through you. It may not be tonight, but I pray that he speaks to you sometime during the week, gives you encouragement, gives you motivation, helps you to finish strong, gives you wisdom in what you're doing, whether you're homeschooling or whether you're just raising your kids to follow God.

What Is Leadership?

Tonight is our Sunday kickoff. I am going to begin a series on Peter—Peter's leadership journey from failure to faith. And we're going to talk about the failures tonight. And we will expand it through the week.

Let me tell you, sometimes I think Peter a leader. And we'll talk about that because you're like he denied Jesus. How could you be a leader? And yet God works so many things through him. So I'm super excited about that series.

Before we get started, I would love for you to put something in the chat and tell me what is a leader. Let me just talk to you a little bit about a man named John Maxwell. He is a guru in leadership. And here's what he says: Leadership is influence. Nothing more, nothing less.

Think about that. Leadership is influence. If you are being salt and light as Jesus commanded, then you have begun to obey God's call to leadership. It is influence.

Too often we think my kid's not going to be president of the United States or CEO. But almost all of our kids will lead their families. They will be husbands and wives. They will have sons and daughters that they will need to lead. And so that is what leadership is.

Another quote from John Maxwell is this: Leadership is influence. Nothing more, nothing less. How do you gain influence from people? You invest in them. How do you invest in them? It starts with giving them time.

Peter: From Bold Declaration to Immediate Failure

We are going to look at Peter today. Yes, we're going to look more at his failures, but then we're going to move forward and look at the way that he influenced people. Again, I said 3,000 people trusted Jesus as their savior when he gave his first sermon.

When we look at Peter and we look at Mark 8, Jesus and his disciples left Galilee and went up to the villages near Caesarea Philippi. As they were walking along, he asked, "Who do people say that I am?" Well, they replied, "Some say John the Baptist, some say Elijah, and others say you are one of the other prophets."

Then he asked them, "Who do you say I am?" Peter replied, "You are the Messiah. You are the son of God." He gives this great answer. He tells them truth. Peter grasps and he boldly declares exactly who Jesus is. Jesus commends them for that.

But then immediately after that, Jesus starts talking. Jesus began to tell them that the son of man must suffer many terrible things and be rejected by the elders, the leading priests and the teachers of religious law, that he would be killed. But three days later he would rise from the dead.

As he talked about this openly with his disciples, Peter took him aside and began to reprimand him for saying such things. He just said he's the son of God. And then he's like, "Oh, let me reprimand you. Let me tell God what's going on."

Jesus turned around and looked at his disciples and he reprimanded Peter, "Get behind me, Satan. You are seeing things merely from a human point of view, not from God's."

The Lies We Believe

In the same conversation, Peter is praising him. And then the enemy is saying, "Oh, go tell Jesus this, that you need to rebuke him." Those are lies from the enemy. Peter makes a serious error in judgment. And Jesus corrects him.

Can you relate? I can. I will tell you my personal story. For years, I've been doing this. I will be praying in the morning. I love to prayer walk. And I am praying for our family. And I'm praying to cling to Jesus, to walk in righteousness.

And by the afternoon, I'm sinning and doing something that I shouldn't. I pray every morning that we will abide in Christ and cling to the vine and Jesus' fruit will pour out of us. That we will put on the armor of God, that we will love. And I go through all 1 Corinthians 13, and the other one is that we will forgive because God forgave us.

And then something happens in the middle of my day and then all of a sudden I'm sinning again and I am not trusting God. And that's sort of what Peter did. God exposes that I have wrong thoughts that need to be replaced with truth.

What are some of the lies that you believe? Peter believed a lie. He believed that he needed to tell Jesus that is wrong. Don't say you're going to die and raise up in three days.

One of the things I heard several years ago is that I need to yield my right to be right. I need to be humble. I need to yield my right to be right. I have begun praying that for my family mostly and then all of a sudden I was like Kerry, you're not praying this for yourself very much. You are not always the right person.

I lead the leaders at our Bible study at church. I had one leader say, "Hey, before you divide into groups, could you just give me a call?" So I did. And she gave me some concerns, but she goes, "But Kerry, if you need to do this the way y'all have it planned, that's fine. Maybe God's teaching me."

That was humility. She was admitting that maybe I don't have the right idea about this. I'm just going to share it with you.

Some of you might be thinking, I'm not doing enough. And yet, God says, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. And he has made you exactly like you are because you are who you need to be for your kids.

I'm not a good mom. Oh, but our identity is in Jesus, not in being a good mom. And again, he has given you everything for life and righteousness.

All other moms are homeschooling better than me. That's not true.

I don't have time to spend with God. Oh, but if you have time for an hour of social media, maybe you do have time to be with God.

I need to fill every moment of my day so I can be enough for God. I want to make sure when I get to heaven, I've done enough. No, that's a works mentality. We need to rely on our faith and grace from Jesus.

I don't have what it takes for my kids to grow up and follow God well or to homeschool. Actually, that's not true. God has given you everything you need for your children. He may not have given you everything you need to homeschool the people down the street. But he made you like you are and your kids like you are. And he supplies all your needs in Christ Jesus.

God calls us to a time of quiet. He calls us to rest in him. And we don't need to fill every second of the day with activity. I personally believe we need rest. We need sleep, but we need to rest in God to trust, but we also need to rest. We need to be quiet.

I'm all alone. That may be the lie that you're listening. You know what? First of all, you're not alone. You can get support. You can get support in our community group.

Speaking Truth Over Ourselves

Several years ago, I was driving home from Dallas and that week I actually sat down and wrote out some truths for me to recite to myself to pour into my soul. So I'm going to read these to you.

Like Jesus, I am chosen by God to be holy. I am chosen by God for great honor. I trust in Jesus. Therefore, I am not put to shame. God loves me and always takes care of me.

I am precious to God because he bought me with his son's blood. I am a daughter of the king, a princess. I live in the light, shining for Jesus all day long.

I control my thoughts, my words, my food, my drink. I receive God's mercy and grace. So I give grace, mercy, and forgiveness to others.

I leave my case in the hands of God who always judges fairly. I speak with pure and reverent behavior and a quiet and gentle spirit.

I wait quietly on God. I am patient. I am kind. I always forgive. I forget offenses against me.

The Holy Spirit renews my mind, my attitudes every day. God never leaves me, abandons me, or fails me. I listen well. I trust in God to fight my battles. He wins my battles.

The one about I listen well, I realized I was interrupting my son on a regular basis. I was like, I changed that. That's a lie to interrupt people. And so I added that.

Those are just some truths and most of them are very biblically based that I have to say to myself. Peter needed truth to replace the lies that he was believing.

Peter's Greatest Failure: Denying Jesus

Let's talk about the biggest thing, the most obvious thing Peter did. He denied Jesus three times.

They arrested him and led him to the high priest's home. And Peter followed from a distance. The guards lit a fire in the middle of the courtyard and sat around it. And Peter joined them there.

A servant girl noticed him in the firelight and began staring at him. "This man was one of Jesus's followers." But Peter denied it. "Woman, I don't even know him."

After a while, someone else looked at him and said, "He must be one of them." Peter says, "No, man. I'm not."

About an hour later, someone else insisted, "This must be one of them because he is a Galilean." But Peter said, "Man, I don't know what you're talking about."

And immediately, while he was still speaking, the rooster crowed. At that moment, the Lord turned and looked at Peter. Suddenly, the Lord's words flashed through Peter's mind. "Before the rooster crows tomorrow morning, you will deny me three times."

And Peter left the courtyard weeping bitterly.

There was a time he was like, "Deny you? I would never deny you." And yet he didn't think he would, just like we don't think we're going to deny him, but he did. Can you imagine the shame and the guilt that he was walking with? He walks away weeping bitterly.

I did not do this in my younger years or when my kids were home, but I actually truly feel badly about my sins. And I have wept over them. Some of the things that I will say, some of the things that I will do, and even some of the things that I think.

If I were Peter and I denied Jesus three times, I would feel shame and guilt. Shame is a powerful thing. It can just bury us. And we don't want that to happen. And we need to get over that.

God's Bigger Plans for Peter

We do that by accepting God's forgiveness. Most people that live in shame cannot truly believe that God will forgive them. There are times I have walked in shame. And yet if I pray in the morning and I'm sinning in the afternoon, I have to realize God forgives me and I just need to move on and say, "Okay, God, you are faithful. You are forgiving. I'm going to accept that and I'm going to move on because you have greater things for me. You want me to live a life of influence and a life of leadership."

God had bigger plans for Peter. He used his sin to actually grow him, eventually to lead the New Testament church.

Don't you think that as Peter was leading all these people, he could relate to man's shortcomings? He was dealing with people that were maybe walking in shame themselves. And he could understand that.

Just like Paul, Paul persecuted the church. I mean like kill people because they trusted Jesus. And God uses those experiences for us to relate. In second Corinthians 1, God talks about our sufferings and our trials and he takes us through those things so one, we can grow closer to him, but also so we can encourage others that are walking through something similar as well.

Leaders will make mistakes. Peter did. I do. You will, and your kids will. And we need to all accept God's forgiveness. We need to forgive ourselves or teach our kids to accept God's forgiveness and forgive ourselves and forgive those around us, but also learn from our mistakes.

Finding Your Calling

The biggest thing I really want you to think about is we make mistakes. God forgives. Are we going to learn from that? But God has a calling for Peter. He has a calling for Peter to lead the New Testament church. He has a calling for you and he has a calling for your children.

More than likely if you're here, God's calling is to homeschool your kids, to raise them to influence and to follow Jesus. But your children may have a different calling than you.

Maybe your child is called to go be a missionary in Africa. We had some friends. I could not imagine now as a parent letting your kids go off to Africa or South America or wherever to be a missionary. And yet God calls us to do things like that.

We need to look at our kids as they are growing up and pray for them and help them discern what God's calling for their life is. And we want to raise them to be a leader.

What's a leader? It's an influencer. Peter did influence others. He started as a fisherman, but he turned into a fisher of men. 3,000 people were saved on the day of Pentecost.

That is a great calling. God took his failures, put them into faith, and then continues to use them.

Ready to dive deeper into raising leaders who influence for Jesus? Join us at the Life Skills Leadership Summit where we equip parents to raise kids with purpose, intention, and eternal impact. Visit lifeskillsleadershipsummit.com to learn more!

✅ Why "Christianese" was actually pushing her atheist husband further away

✅The 1 book that changed how she loved her unbelieving spouse

✅ How 1 Peter 3 became her daily prayer strategy

✅The moment the Holy Spirit told her exactly what to say after years of silence

✅ Why God can save anyone—even in a living room with no one else around

Ready to discover hope for your marriage?

Grab the resources mentioned in this episode below!

Resources Mentioned

Get your FREE Basic Pass to Life Skills Leadership Summit 2026 to give you confidence that your kids will be ready for adult life: https://HowToHomeschoolMyChild.com/lsls26

I Don't Have Enough Faith to Be an Atheist, by Norman Geisler

Sacred Influence, by Gary Thomas

Erin Cox is a seasoned homeschooling mom of four, ranging from elementary age to young adult. Alongside her husband Danny, she serves over 100,000 homeschool families through publishing Charlotte Mason and Classical education curricula, all from their homestead in central Alabama. When Erin isn’t wrangling sheep, Australian shepherds, two rambunctious boys, or her energetic grandbaby, she enjoys audiobooks, podcasts, and the occasional quiet moment with embroidery.

Connect with her at ShopGentleClassical.com and LifeAbundantlyBlog.com. You can find her on Instagram and Facebook.

✅Why the frontal cortex doesn't develop until age 25 and what that means for smartphone use

✅The shocking truth about dopamine levels in gaming vs. nature play

✅ How to tell the difference between passive and interactive screens

✅The 30-day detox that's reversing ADHD-like symptoms in kids

✅ Practical ways to replace screens with activities that build strong brain pathways

Ready to protect your child's developing brain?

Grab the resources mentioned in this episode below!

Resources Mentioned:

Get your FREE Basic Pass to Life Skills Leadership Summit 2026 to give you confidence that your kids will be ready for adult life

Screen Strong Chart for Families

Mandee Hamann, businesswoman and former earlychildhood/children’s pastor is mom to 2 young adults and 1 teenager. After her own family struggled with toxic screen issues, she was introduced to ScreenStrong. The ScreenStrong lifestyle changed everything for her family. Mandee became a ScreenStrong Ambassador and is committed to spreading this powerful message. She occasionally guest hosts on the ScreenStrong Families Podcast and is a member of the ScreenStrong team as the Ambassador Liaison. She enjoys training & equipping Ambassadors from all over the globe to spread the ScreenStrong Solution to screen conflicts in the home.

Follow ScreenStrong on Facebook and Instagram

In this episode, you'll discover:

✅Three key Bible passages every child needs to understand about their body and identity before the world tells them lies

✅How to have age-appropriate conversations about gender and sexuality without robbing your children of their innocence

✅The critical difference between accepting and affirming when someone you love is walking through gender confusion

✅Why your child's maleness or femaleness is directly connected to reflecting God's image in the world

✅Practical strategies for responding with both truth and compassion when your kids encounter gender ideology at school or online

Ready to equip yourself with biblical truth? Grab the resources Dannah mentions in this episode to start these important conversations with confidence.

Get your FREE Basic Pass to Life Skills Leadership Summit 2026 to give you confidence that your kids will be ready for adult life: https://HowToHomeschoolMyChild.com/lsls26

Resources Mentioned:

It’s Great to Be a Girl

Lies Girls Believe

Lies Girls Believe Mom’s Guide

Lies Young Women Believe

Lies Women Believe

It’s Great to Be a Boy

Lies Boys Believe

Lies Men Believe

Dannah Gresh is the founder of True Girl, a ministry dedicated to providing tools to help moms and grandmas disciple their 7–12-year-old girls. She is the co-host of Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth’s Revive Our Hearts podcast and Revive Our Hearts Weekend. She has authored over twenty-eight books, including a Bible study for adult women based on the book of Habakkuk. Dannah and her husband, Bob, have just released a new book and limited-series podcast called Happily Even After which tells their marriage redemption story. They live on a hobby farm in central Pennsylvania.

Show Notes:

Introduction: A Topic We Never Imagined Facing

Kerry: Well hey everyone, Kerry back here with Life Skills Leadership Summit. Today I'm excited—not because of the topic, because it's a really difficult topic on sexuality and gender—but Dannah Gresh, I've just gotten to know her from a distance through podcasts and Revive Our Hearts and reading one of her books as well. But I do know that she has got a lot to say on this issue. So Dannah, thank you so much for being here. I really appreciate it.

Dannah: Oh, I am so honored and delighted. Thank you for having me.

Kerry: So before we get started, let me just pray for us and we'll let God guide this conversation.

Father in Heaven, thank you. Thank you for today. Thank you for Zoom. Thank you that we can have a conversation and we can share it with many, many people. We thank you that you are sovereign, that you're the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, and we can rest in that no matter what's going on around us. And there's a lot of mess going on around us, but we can have our hope in Jesus.

We just thank you for Jesus and the bond that we have in Him through the blood that He shed for us. I thank you for Dannah being here. I pray that the things that you want said will be spoken through this conversation, that you will be glorified, and that the ones that are listening, you will just really touch their hearts and show them what types of practical steps or spending more time in the Word—whatever you want them to do—and just to be led by the Holy Spirit. We pray all these things in Jesus' powerful name, amen.

Dannah: Amen.

About Pure Freedom Ministries and Partnership

Kerry: Okay, for those of you that don't know, Dannah has Pure Freedom Ministries and this has two parts: True Girl and Born to Be Brave. By the time y'all listen to this, you probably already heard one of my kickoffs because we do one on Sunday night before the whole week and I'll explain it.

But they are our organization that we are supporting through this Summit. So we'll take the profits that we make on anyone that upgrades from free to VIP. If you upgrade to VIP, 5% of our profits will go to this organization. And then some of our speakers—you've probably heard about the ones that have chosen to—if they decide to donate 5% of their commissions, then I will match that 5% as well.

So hopefully, you know, that will be just a little way that y'all can support what Dannah and her team are doing. So I just want to make sure everyone understands that before we get going.

Dannah: What a blessing. Thank you so much.

Dannah's Story: From Teenager to Ministry Leader

Kerry: Well, let's before we start this topic, can you just tell people a little bit about yourself?

Dannah: Sure. Well, I love Jesus first and foremost, and He is the best part of everything about my life. I came to know Him when I was a really little girl through Child Evangelism Fellowship five-day clubs. I just love Child Evangelism Fellowship to this day because I remember that moment when I surrendered my heart and my life to Jesus. So precious.

But fast forward—at the age of 15, I was a teacher for Child Evangelism Fellowship. I was teaching Sunday school in my church to three-year-olds, and I loved the Lord like crazy. But I was in a Christian dating relationship and was blindsided by sexual temptation.

I just thought that was not possible in my life because I loved the Lord so much. And it became this great shame and this great heartache of my life until I was about 26. I just really understood that even though it had been so long since I'd experienced that sin and chosen that sin, I hadn't really received the redemption and the freedom that Christ died to give me.

When I did, my life changed. And I had to get out my megaphone—my proverbial megaphone—and tell teenage girls. And then as I was doing that, ministry just kind of exploded.

I was praying, "Lord, let me graduate to college girls and adult women." And the Lord said, "What about my little women? What about my 10-year-olds and what about my 9-year-olds and what about my 8-year-olds?"

I was like, "Lord, that's really great. Somebody needs to do children's ministry, but what about me graduating from high school girls to the older women?" And He was persistent. The Lord just kept opening doors.

Before we knew it, we really are one of the largest ministries that takes biblical truth to 8 to 12-year-old girls. And now we have boys—we just added them in the last few years—through live events, box subscriptions, Bible studies, online Bible studies, at-home Bible studies with mom. We want to put mom in the driver's seat. We believe that's what God's Word says—that mom and dad belong in the driver's seat of a child's moral development.

Now we fast forward to this year. We live in a time and a day and age when the government and a lot of different political entities believe that parents aren't equipped to make moral decisions about their children. Well, we still believe they are.

And now I understand why the Lord has put us in this critical position. One of the things we've done really well through the years is take whatever the difficult issues of the day are—when we started, that was AIDS—and we look at it through a biblical lens.

Today, that biblical lens that we look through, we're looking at the issue mostly of gender and identity. And when you think about how do we talk to an 8-year-old about that biblically without robbing them of their innocence, and also just the depression and anxiety these kids are at the tip of the spear...

Teens have long been at the tip of the spear, but the enemy has moved the line backward. And now it's those 8 to 12-year-olds that really are having to grapple with things that their little hearts and minds aren't ready for. But we know how to do that in a way that's safe and biblical and most importantly keeps mom and dad in the driver's seat.

The Trends We're Seeing in Gender Identity

Kerry: That is so good. And I know I'm on y'all's True Girl mailing list, and so they have things and I have downloaded a few things just to find out exactly what they are. I'm giving my daughter some of y'all's books as well. I think it's the Lies Young Girls Believe, something like that. I'm not quite sure what it was.

But I do have to tell you, all of a sudden I have one more connection with you because I grew up with Child Evangelism Fellowship and I became a believer at a Good News Club. I started, went to their CEF training as a teenager, and then we did the five-day clubs in Houston. So I was like, oh wow, that's so interesting. Small world.

Dannah: They are a fruitful ministry. Look at us—we're passing, we're the fruit, we're passing on fruit. We're the fruit of their fruit.

Kerry: My parents, they're in their 70s and 80s, and a while back they would lead Good News Clubs in the public school for like five years. They're still going on with it and all. So I love it. It does work.

So okay, so we are in a just a strange time. And if you had asked us 30 years ago, we'd be going, "No way, we wouldn't be dealing with these issues." So what kind of trends are you seeing right now when it comes to gender identity and sexuality?

Dannah: Well, you know, I would say heterosexual is definitely not in style. And what we see is a lot of teens claiming to be pansexual, where they're just willing to erase anything that has a baseline of truth to it and embrace everything. Basically, is what pansexuality is.

A lot of teens in terms of gender are saying they're non-binary. That's just what's in style right now. And you might say, "Well, but there really is a problem. There are some kids that definitely struggle with gender dysphoria."

Absolutely, that's true. Historically, we've known for decades that children—a very, very small percentage of them—are born with things like Klinefelter syndrome, fragile X syndrome. These are syndromes like Down syndrome where there are chromosomal abnormalities in that child's body.

And the parents and the physicians have to work together to decide, how are we going to raise this child? Most cases, they can take a blood test and they can determine this child is clearly male or clearly female. But we have some issues that we're going to have to deal with because of these syndromes.

But in most cases, they can really figure out what's happening there. And so that's the good news. But I think it's an important thing for us that we have to be compassionate because for some people that you meet on the street that you're not quite sure—are they male or female?—that's not a choice. It was something that they were born with. That's very difficult and painful. So we have to be careful.

But on the other end of the spectrum, what we're seeing right now is—well, let me explain it this way. In about the year 2011, there was a shift from transgenderism being predominantly a male problem to now, it is today predominantly female. You see more teenage females transitioning than males.

So the intellectually honest sociologists will say, "What happened to make that really dramatic shift happen?"

And I think probably the person that's been bravest about it is a woman named Abigail Shrier. She's a journalist, not a believer as far as I know, conservative though, and yet very intellectually honest. Some parents kept writing to her and saying, "We need somebody to research this."

And she brought together some of the bravest sociologists, some of the bravest intellectually honest ones. And what they found was clusters of girls transitioning. So in other words, a school district or a school or a city was seeing a lot of girls transitioning, and there were pops of this all over the United States.

Now if this were a more intellectually honest occurrence, you would have seen it happening more evenly over the culture. But that's not the case. What's happening is cluster contagion. And that's what we're calling it now, which basically is peer pressure causing girls to say, "I don't feel comfortable in my body."

Now let me remind you, there aren't very many of us that felt super comfortable in our body in seventh grade. But we weren't having somebody sit there next to us and telling us that might be because you're not really a girl.

So I guess what we're seeing is a lot of confusion. Majority of what we're seeing is mass confusion that we need to prepare our children for and that we need to speak into truthfully. But we can't forget the compassion because there's a sliver of people struggling right now where this really is a deeply painful thing and not something that they chose.

Why This Topic Is Critical Right Now

Kerry: That is something. So I mean, to me it seems pretty obvious, but why do you think this topic is so important right now?

Dannah: Well, it's—let me say, take that from two angles. One reason it's important is because your children are being lied to, and we need to speak truth into their hearts and into their minds. We have to put so much truth into them that there's not room for the world's lies.

When they see or hear a counterfeit, they immediately know, "That's not what I learned from God's Word. That's not what I learned from my parents whom I trust to be true." And they come to you and they say, "Hey, I just heard this." And you help—might not know the answers, but you help them figure out.

But here's why I think it's really important, and this is why it's been important since the beginning of time. In Genesis 1:26 and 27-28, in that chapter we see God saying that He's made us in His image. And then He could have listed almost anything about us that would have made us like Him—our language proficiency, our ability to compose sonnets, our creativity, the fact that we would figure out how to defy gravity and fly to the moon. All these things about us are so God-like. Our even our emotions—animals are emotive, but not to the degree that we are.

And yet God says one thing: "In the image of God He created them, male and female He created them."

Our maleness and our femaleness is a distinct part of representing the image of God on this lost world. That's why it matters more than anything. And that's what our children need to know more than anything.

How Parents Can Communicate God's Truth

Kerry: That is so good. I mean, it really is. We need to—and I love what y'all do is always going back to the Bible, you know. And this is a Christian conference. There's plenty of things out there for parents, but we want to make sure we're always going back to the Bible.

So what are some things that parents could do? Like you want them to—one of the things that I know I've heard you say many times, we need to speak truth to our soul, but first we have to teach our kids what the truth is. How can parents communicate God's truth in regards to gender and sexuality and identity?

Dannah: Well, I obviously encourage them to get them in the Word and some of these key passages that talk about our bodies. And I basically have three key passages that I think our kids need to study about this. I write about them in It's Great to Be a Girl. My husband and one of his co-authors writes about them in It's Great to Be a Guy. That's for kids aged 8 to 12, somewhere in that range.

First one is in the book of 1 Corinthians. It says that our bodies exist to glorify God. That the purpose of our body is to glorify God. You know, we get really sidetracked and we think our bodies are for us to feel good, for us to feel pleasure, for us to look good and be this just vision of beauty or handsomeness, whatever it is.

Our bodies were created to glorify God. That's why they exist—to showcase Him, to give honor to Him. That's why we dress carefully and tastefully and modestly. That's why we use language that's becoming and careful. That's why we don't get into the dark.

I'm always concerned when we get into really dark-looking countenance and clothings and styles because Jesus is light and He is love and He is joy, and we want our countenance to reflect that. But my body doesn't exist for Dannah. My body exists for God.

Then the second thing is the one I just mentioned earlier: Genesis 1:26 and 27, that the purpose of my body—how I glorify God—is as a female or male image-bearer. Because glorifying Him—I like to say that the moon glorifies the sun, okay? The moon doesn't have any light of its own, but it reflects the light of the sun, and that's why we have a full moon. They're so beautiful.

Well, in the same way, we have to look like God. That's what glorifying Him means. And Genesis 1:26-27 says we do that best in the defined roles, the binary roles of maleness and femaleness. So they matter. They're important.

And then the other verse that I think is really important is in Romans 12:1 and 2. It says, "I beg you brothers, by the mercy of God, that you present your body as a living sacrifice."

So when my body, which was created to glorify God, doesn't feel like glorifying God as a female image-bearer of God, it becomes a sacrifice to God because I choose to live sacrificially according to the purpose of my body as a female image-bearer.

Now I don't know that those are the only passages that your children need to get into, but those are three of the big ones that they need to memorize, dissect, be familiar with, understand. And that's going to give them more than studying all the counterfeits. That's going to give them the fuel they need for the conversations that are going to come up in their lives at one point or another.

Age-Appropriate Conversations About Truth

Kerry: That's so good. Because we don't know what's going to happen in 20 years, you know, and what things they're going to need to know.

When you think about even these three passages or talking about truth at different ages, because you've talked about 8 to 12 and then we've got teenagers, would you approach them differently or do you have any suggestions about that?

Dannah: Well, with teens, of course, I'm going to be a lot more forthright. Although more and more—we just had a mom communicate with us that her child is attending a private school, not a Christian school but a private school. And just this year, the daughter came home and said, "Hey, we have Teacher X teaching at our school." And I'm not going to say the name. And it's not Mr. X or Mrs. X, it's Teacher X.

And of course this mom said, "Well, do you know if Teacher X is male or female?" And she kind of said, "Well, this is what I think, but that's probably—they're trying not to look that way." So there's obviously some gender confusion there.

What was really interesting is that when they have a student teacher, this parent had previously gotten a letter that said, "This is the teacher, this is what you need to know about them, I want to introduce them to you, they'll be starting on this date, they'll be ending on this date." In this case, that didn't happen.

So that child is in about fifth grade. So we're not—and I've heard in my own school district of kindergarteners who are being told, "You get to pick your pronoun in my class. Maybe you weren't allowed that opportunity at home, but in my class you get to choose what you are, who you are."

And so more and more we are having to have more of a conversation that we want, especially if we've chosen for our children not to be homeschooled or not to be in a space where their teaching is governed by truth. And that's not you, but it may be your friends, and it may be someone you're conversing with or having coffee with, you know, needs to know—hey, some crazy stuff is happening in some of these schools.

And they don't believe it until it hits them. And then that's how this mom was. She's like, "I heard about it in California and I heard about it in this state and that state, but my state?" Yes, your state.

So I think it's really important that we let them drive the questions though. So at high school we maybe are being, you know, we're talking about transgenderism, we're talking about all the different language that is used—the LGBTQ+, non-binary, binary, pansexuality.

Mom, dad, you got to do some vocabulary work on this one. You've got to know the words, and that's going to help build your credibility. If you have a child who has been exposed, if you don't know a word, just say, "I'm not really sure what pansexuality is. Let's look it up and learn together, and then we're going to go to God's Word and figure out what He says about it."

But when you're under, I would say 12 years old, I would just stick to God's truth. And what you're going to find, and what we have found as we have taken moms and daughters through It's Great to Be a Girl online Bible study or It's Great to Be a Guy online Bible study, is that studying it in the Bible and having mom and dad sitting there talking with you about it brings up the questions.

They'll say, "I heard that so-and-so down the street has two dads," or "I heard that this friend at church has a brother who's becoming a sister." And you have the opportunity then to talk to them about that stuff.

But I really like to let them drive that rather than us introducing things. And there's such a fine line there. And what I want to say is we don't—we have to be very careful about being afraid of the topic of sex because God isn't. He's not afraid of the topic, and we don't need to be afraid of it.

But there are developmental phases where our children are more ready for some of these things than others. And if you can delay some of these conversations until they are developmentally ready, I think that's wise.

The Importance of Reclaiming Biblical Sexuality

Kerry: I think that's really good. And I appreciate you saying that we need to talk to them about sexuality more than just what sex is or how do we have kids, that type of thing. Because I know I heard on one of y'all's podcasts, you know, if we don't reclaim the sexuality and what's going on, the world is going to take over, which is what it's doing. And the church really does need to understand it. And if moms and dads don't, they need to do some research and stuff.

Dannah: Well, and Ephesians 5:31 and 32 says, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." And then it's almost like the Apostle Paul has ADHD or something. Because it's like he changes the subject. He says, "I'm really talking about Christ and the church."

And this verse probably more than any other in Scripture tells us that marriage is meant to be a picture of the love Christ has for His bride, the church. But you can see that taught from Genesis to Revelation. It's a very important picture in the body of Christ.

And if we do not wake up to really protect and defend that picture, we're going to wake up one day to see the gospel completely marginalized—not just marriage, but the gospel.

And I guess my question for all of us is: if sex and marriage really does represent the love of Christ, the gospel, how motivated is Satan to see that picture destroyed in our lives, in the lives of our children? We have to be vigilant. We have to be informed. And we have to be so full of grace for those moments when we mess up or our kids mess up.

Navigating With Grace and Compassion

Kerry: Yeah. And I think you just said that—I was coughing—grace and patience. Because you're talking about having compassion for these people that are really dealing with issues. And I think sometimes the church gets so, "Oh my goodness, look at them, they have children that are homosexuals or whatever."

And yet we—I mean, no, we don't tolerate—I mean there's a blend between tolerating, but we also need to show grace at times because the compassion of God is what draws people back. The kindness and stuff. Would you have anything to say about sort of where you draw the line? And not that we want to judge people, but we do want to come alongside.

So we've got moms here that want to help with their kids, but then they may have people in their family or in their church or something. What are maybe some practical things that they could do to handle these situations?

Dannah: Well, some practical things are teaching our kids grace. Teaching them a gracious response.

Bob and I, my husband and I, discipled a young man for many years who is non-binary now. Young adult man. And we still will have lunch with him. He doesn't live locally, but when he's coming through, he still wants to visit with us and talk with us.

I got a birthday text from him that said, "You're like my second mom," because we have blessed him with our love and our presence, which is genuine. It's not fake. We adore him. He is easy to talk to, intelligent. We had so many high hopes for how he would—and still do—influence people for Christ.

But we do not—we accept, but we do not affirm. We accept, but we do not affirm.

So he knows—one of the last big conversations we had about his journey into homosexuality and a non-binary lifestyle was very pointed where my husband said, "I believe you've been set apart, and I believe that you have different desires, and that you have to obey the Lord with Romans 12:1 and 2. You need to sacrifice your desires for the purpose of your body glorifying Christ."

And it was a very pointed conversation. And we haven't talked about that since then, but he knows where we stand.

So we're honest, you know. One of the things that's really a challenge right now is the question of pronouns, right? Do we use the pronouns or do we not use the pronouns?

And with this individual, I avoid using pronouns because the pronouns he wants are "they" and "them." I will not do that because God's Word commands me not to lie, and it's not truthful. However, I'm not going to rub salt in a wound of all the struggles that he's walking through.

So I do my best to navigate through just not using either his new name that he wants or the pronouns. He knows that's what I'm doing.

I know another woman who—she did transition for nine years. She had her breasts cut off, she had hormones, she was bearded, she was talking like a guy, she lived as Jake for nine years. Her name was Laura.

Her mom stayed on her knees, stayed in a prodigal prayer group. And when it came to the name—she wanted to be called Jake—her mom said, "I can't call you that, but I know it's going to offend you. Can I call you honey? I'll do that."

And it was a compromise they made together. So you see, accepting but not affirming is a really important line we have to make.

Because this is the question that Rosaria Butterfield asked in a recent book that she's written. I believe the title is Five Lies of Our Post-Christian Culture. But she says, "Is your church, is your home, is your family a safe place for someone to repent of their sin of homosexuality or gender—" I'm not going to call it confusion, but rebellion. Okay?

Because gender confusion, I would say, is probably going back to some of those syndromes I'm talking about, right? You're going to feel some confusion when you're not quite sure how your body is showing up, right?

But gender rebellion, I would say, is what my friend Laura went through. She knew she was a girl, but she wanted to stick it to her mom and stick it to God. And she did for nine years. And then the Lord got a hold of her heart.

But partly, I think the Lord got a hold of her heart because her mom never accepted Jake, never accepted the lie, never used the pronouns. And yet she still loved and accepted the child.

Kerry: Fine line.

Dannah: So good.

The Reality of Dealing With These Issues

Kerry: Yeah, we've got to love. And I, for one, I mean, these aren't just teenagers. You know, I had friends whose kids have transitioned, and the parents, the mom and the dad don't even agree on the pronoun issue, you know. And that's a really hard thing.

What I really like about what you just said is she communicated with her daughter and they talked about it instead of just doing this and then, you know, that child getting angry and then blocking them out of your life kind of thing. And so communication just seems to be vital as well, even if they're going down that path.

Dannah: Yeah, so communication before and after is key. And it's not easy. It's hard. And there'll be tears on both sides and disagreements. But you want to walk through it in such a way that you maintain a place where they know what the truth is and they know where to come when they finally do understand what the truth is.

Kerry: Yeah, I always tell—because I host a prodigal prayer group too—and the two things I'm always like, we can always love and we can always pray. You know, we cannot change them, but we can pray and we can never give up. You know, God's not giving up on us, so we shouldn't be giving up on our kids or other family.

Dannah: Yeah. And you know, when it comes to praying, I find that people that I love that aren't walking with the Lord—they might be offended if I start asking them, "Who do you think Jesus is?" But they're never offended when I say, "How can I pray for you?"

They might define it differently, but it keeps that door open of them knowing, "I care about your spirit. I care about your spiritual life. I care about you." They know that praying is important to me.

And when I just say, "How can I pray for you?" their hearts often just flood open with things that they want prayer for.

How Did We Get Here?

Kerry: That's a really good point too. Okay, let's—how have we talked about all this? How do we get where we are today? Because, you know, like we said, 30 years ago we would have never thought—yeah, you know, there was homosexuality back then, but that was pretty much it. How do we get here?

Dannah: Oh, I think that it's how we got here is, you know, we were an Augustinian worldview. The United States of America had this worldview that was predominantly established by Augustine, St. Augustine of Hippo. He believed that love was the highest good in humanity and that that love should be reflective of the truth of the Bible.

And that really was the worldview of our culture. And that meant that there was one man and one woman marriage.

And then when it really started to break down, honestly, was Freud, who felt that the highest good was sex. He thought that that was the highest need in a human body. And so the conversation started to change as Freud, who did bring us some decent diagnostic tools in terms of understanding and being more aware of our emotions and our mental health—but psychology doesn't do anything, really, if you look at the stats of recovery from psychological methods. Hardly anything outside of Jesus.

I mean, single-digit recovery. In my mind, if I'm having some mental health problems, I don't want to go to a place that can give me a single-digit percentage chance of getting better.

But then enter Alfred Kinsey. Alfred Kinsey came into the scene, and he was a very unwell man emotionally and mentally. And so he was really excited about the things that Freud taught and believed that he could prove that not only was his theory correct—that our highest need was sex—but that most of the sexual things that these prudish Americans thought were, quote-unquote, sinful were actually very normal behavior. Things like homosexuality and even pedophilia.

And he said, "I'm going to prove that those are okay." So he did the Human Sexuality Volume 1 and Volume 2 reports. And his research was really horrific. He hired pedophiles who had been jailed for pedophilia to conduct experiments on children.

And it was really child sexual abuse that was recorded in those volumes. But nobody talked about that. Nobody said who did the research and how did you get it done. At that time, it just became the playbook for the sexual revolution of the '60s.

But they said, "Look, look, we do want sex. We do need sex." And then the sexual revolution—during that time, a virgin in college named Hugh Hefner read those volumes that Kinsey wrote and said—and this is a quote—"I'm going to be Kinsey's pamphleteer."

And as you know, then he went on to create his pamphlet, which was Playboy, normalizing objectifying women. I'm not going to call it anything other than what it is.

And so it was this—it was a lie we all wanted to believe. Not me, not you, but the culture wanted to believe because it justified their sin and their desires instead of controlling them. They could justify those sins and desires.

And I think when we had about a 30-year climb to making gay marriage legal, but that was kind of a floodgate moment. You know, I feel like from the night that the White House was covered in rainbow colors until today, it's just been a floodgate of Sodom and Gomorrah-esque sin.

And whereas it was this slow, steady climb for decades, now it's just a playground.

Signs of Hope and Backlash

Dannah: Now, I am thankful that we're seeing some—I guess what I would call backlash against some of this. In Canada, this year—last year, rather—we saw the first case where a patient who underwent transgender gender reassignment surgery is suing the physician for what happened to her body.

Because she said, "I came to you with a mental health problem, and when I was very mentally unwell, you told me the solution was to cut up my body." And she's suing that doctor.

Tavistock, which is a gender assignment clinic in the UK, has been shut down because so many of the doctors and nurses are saying, "You only saw these patients two or three times before you let them self-diagnose that they were gender-confused and began treating them." And the doctors and nurses said, "That's not okay. We didn't adequately find out if they really did have gender dysphoria. We're just letting them self-assign."

And that's still happening in the United States. But because Canada and the UK are ahead of us, I'm encouraged that we're going to start to see backlash very soon.

So don't stop using the correct pronouns. Don't stop calling girls "she" and "her," and don't stop calling boys "him" and "his." Like, we are not crazy. We just feel crazy because the conversation happening in our culture is a little mad.

But we are going to start to see a backlash in the next five to 10 years.

Kerry: It sounds depressing, but it is encouraging.

Dannah: And our hope is in Jesus, who we know can—always, just like I didn't think the education system could ever get fixed, and then COVID hit. And I was like, "Oh my goodness, look, God can do something when it looks like everything's falling apart."

He can do the same thing with the gender and sexuality issues. And—excuse me—and even our hope isn't even in this world. I just have to say that. Like, more and more, as it gets crazier and crazier, it makes me hungrier for heaven and the new heaven and earth that we will know after Jesus' return.

And for anybody, you know, who maybe you're listening to this and you're the one that cut up your body, you allowed that to happen—you know, when Jesus returns, the new heaven and the new earth, He's going to perfect you and receive you as He created you and fix everything that this world can't fix. And there is such hope in that.

Kerry: That is so good. Thank you so much. And yes, He can. And He redeems ashes to beauty all the time. So amen.

So I know y'all have some resources that I think would be helpful. Could you share a little bit about that?

Resources to Help Families

Dannah: Sure. Well, I mentioned It's Great to Be a Girl and It's Great to Be a Guy. Those are two books that we take parents and kids through an online study on, but you could do it at home. You can do it as part of a homeschool curriculum.

Another book that I have is Lies Girls Believe and A Mom's Guide to Lies Girls Believe. Those go together because I think this extends beyond gender. It's a battle for truth.

And the interesting thing about truth is that we know Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth, and the life." He was truth. So this whole conversation is an assault on Him.

And so that book, and Lies Young Women Believe, introduced teen girls and tween girls to really studying: What is truth? What does it mean? And how do I figure out when I'm believing a lie? And what God's Word says about it, and what is true?

So I would say those are really important books. We're working on Lies Young Men Believe, but we also—my friend Aaron Davis just wrote Lies Boys Believe. So good tools.

We've had lots of friends tell us they've used them as homeschool curriculum. And I would love to see you explore them. They are great. They really are.

Kerry: I have—well, I've done Lies Women Believe. And then I will say, too, for those of you—this probably doesn't pertain to a lot of you—but they have them in Spanish. I used to work in El Salvador and go down there once a month and work with a school down there. And we started with Lies Women Believe, but they had a teen girl Bible study, so then they did the Lies Young Women Believe.

I don't know if they've done the girl, but when I was looking at your site, I was like, "Oh, they have Spanish books too." So if y'all are in another country, just know that there are resources for you there as well.

Dannah: So wonderful.

Closing Encouragement

Kerry: Well, as we close, is there anything you would like to say just in closing?

Dannah: Just I think it's so important right now that we are just so deeply in love with Jesus. It's one thing to know all these things in our head, right? But until it gets here...

The reason we have prodigals prodigalizing and the reason we have deconstructors deconstructing is because there was a lot here, but we didn't quite maybe get it here. And so what I'm learning is that I can't push it here in the kids I'm teaching, but I can do what I need to do to sit at the feet of Jesus and minister to Him in worship, in prayer, and opening the Word.

I don't want to just know the facts of what I read in my Bible this morning. I want to know that I had an encounter with Jesus.

So my prayer for you is not just that you would know the facts about all these hard conversations that we're having to have right now, but that more than anything else, you would be so in love with Jesus that your heart beats to reflect His image.

And so I pray that for you, and I pray that for your children too.

Kerry: Oh, thank you so much. I really appreciate it. Thanks for just taking a little time out of your day to be with us. I really appreciate it.

Dannah: Oh, it was so good to be here, Kerry. Thank you. God bless you. I pray that you're so blessed by this conference.

Kerry: Very good. Well, I am Kerry Beck with Life Skills Leadership Summit. We'll talk to you next time.

Kerry shares her deeply personal story of walking through rejection and discovering that speaking the truth out loud daily—not just thinking it—is what transforms your mind and breaks the power of lies.

What you’ll learn in this episode:

✅Why we must speak the truth out loud (not just think positive thoughts) to renew our minds

✅The white stone with a new name in Revelation 2:17 and what it means for your identity

✅The two questions that replace "Why, God?" and actually move you forward

✅Kerry's story: learning to speak the truth as a warrior on her knees after 31 years of marriage ended

✅How to help your kids speak the truth over the lies they believe about themselves

Ready to start your identity exchange? 

Download the FREE Biblical Truths Printable mentioned in this episode—sample truths Kerry speaks over herself daily plus a blank page for your own.  

Grab your copy of Jamie Winship's book Living Fearless! 

Podcast: Stop Negative Thinking for You & Your Kids

Show Notes:

Hey everyone, Kerry Beck here with Homeschool Coffee Break, where we help you stop the overwhelm so you can actually take a coffee break.

We talked last week about lies in our head and lies that our kids believe. This week, we're going to get to the hopeful part. That may have been a little depressing. We're going to get to the hopeful part. We're going to come talk to God about what our identity is in Him, what His calling is for us, and how we can replace those lies.

Jamie Winship calls it identity exchange. We are going to exchange those lies for truth.

Learning from Living Fearless

What I'm sharing are things that I have learned from a man named Jamie Winship. He's written a book called Living Fearless. You can get the link to it in the show notes, and I highly recommend it. A few years ago, I bought a copy for every one of my children, and for my parents and my sister as well, because it had such a huge impact on us.

We're going to talk today about how God actually gives you a new name, a true identity, and how to listen for it, how to find out what it is. We're going to start with Revelation 2. This is where Jesus is writing to the different churches, and he's written to a church called Pergamum. He says, you have remained true to my name, to God's name. You did not renounce your faith in me. And that was a good thing.

But at the end of his letter, he has this to say in Revelation 2:17: Anyone with ears to hear must listen to the Spirit and understand what He is saying to the churches. To everyone who is victorious, I will give some of the manna that has been hidden away up in heaven. I will give to each of you a white stone, and on the stone will be engraved a new name that no one understands, except the one who receives it.

You may be going, what is this white stone he's talking about? And how do we get a new name? Because that new name has something to do with your identity. Well, in ancient Greece, the jury members would give a white stone if they were going to acquit the man. They would give a black stone if the defendant was guilty. In ancient Rome, they had a custom of awarding white stones to the winner of athletic events, and their name was written on that stone.

We want to talk about that new name, because we walk in newness of life. We walk in a new covenant. We're going to put away our sins. We're going to leave our past in the past, and we are going to walk in newness of life. That's what I want for you, Mom. That's what I want for your children as well.

Can You Really Hear from God?

If you've ever wondered, can I really hear God about my identity? How do I know? Sometimes we don't truly believe God and what He is saying. We say He can do the impossible, but we don't really think it for us.

Let me share a couple stories that Jamie Winship shares. He met a man in Washington, D.C. who had been working with Congress, and this man comes up to him, like a bodybuilder, very well-built, very healthy. And he says, how can I know if I can really hear from God? And he said, well, you can come with me to a mission, because Jamie Winship had worked with the CIA over in the Middle East for decades, and he was now helping Congress with some things about working with conflict.

He and this Jason Bourne dude and a Navy guy, they all got dropped off in Northern Africa, pitch dark. They get there, they're staying in tents, their host would fix their meals, and they would fix 4 plates. And the Jason Bourne guy would go, why is there someone else? Why do they keep fixing 4? There's only three of us.

Eventually, after a few days, he says, well, go ask them. Since this guy could speak that language, he says, why do you have four plates? Well, it's for your security detail. He's like, what are you talking about? Well, long story short, they're like, the guy that's guarding y'all outside. And he's like, what does he look like? He's the big, bulky guy that's protecting you. And what is he? He has a sword.

Come to find out, they could see this angel of God that was protecting Jamie and this Jason Bourne guy and the other guy from enemy attack, and he had a sword. Muslims believe in visions like that. They believe these things. They believe you can hear from the gods. And they could see this angel, even though Jamie and Jason Bourne person couldn't.

But when he heard that, Jason Bourne is like, okay, how do I hear God? I want to know. How do I hear God? And basically, Jamie says, what about your situation? He's like, why can't we have kids? And he says, you're asking the wrong question. And for some of you, you're asking the wrong question when it comes to the problems in your life, your identity. You're saying, why, why, why? That is the wrong question.

Here are the two questions that Jamie suggests. We need to say, God, what do you want me to know, God? What do you want me to do? And that was a question that I actually wrestled with. This morning, again, on my walk, I was gonna go right into prayer. I'm like, no, I need to listen to God.

A lot of believers, we all believe, yes, God's powerful, we've seen Him do miracles, all this stuff, but we don't really believe that we can hear from God. And if we don't believe that, we believe in a weak God. I do believe that I can hear from God. We believe in a God that can do it for everyone else, but not for us. Or that He will do miracles, but I don't know about for us.

Well, that is not total faith. Total faith is believing that God can do miracles. And we need to let God tell us what He is doing, instead of our past dictating what we do. Instead of our failures dictating what we do. Instead of our fears. Do you have fears about homeschooling? Or raising kids? You see, this is what leads to bad identity, to the lies that we talked about.

But when you live from what God says you are, you are going to become more creative, more resilient, you're going to have more peace, even in the hard circumstances. I am a product of that as well. You see, you may be great at multitasking, teaching, managing your home, but you still feel like a fraud.

Identity Exchange is going to God and letting him rename you. Like that white stone with a new name.

The Story of Hamza

There was a young man in the Middle East that Jamie ran across. I actually shared this story at Homeschool Superheroes about 3 or 4 years ago, and in the chat, people are like, is this for real? Is this a real story? Is she really telling the truth? And yes, it is real, and you can read about it or listen to it when Jamie tells that story. But there was a man named Hamza.

He had found a Bible at a hotel, and somehow he connected with Jamie, and he's like, who is this man? And they go, well, do you want to hear from him? Or do you want us to tell you about him? I want to hear from him, talking about Jesus, because he had read parts of the New Testament.

They got together, and they didn't tell him what they knew about Jesus. They were like, we're gonna let God speak. And what they did was they prayed and said, okay, God, Hamza really wants to hear from you. Would you please speak your truth to Him and let him hear that?

Would that be a scary prayer? In the United States, we don't pray that. You know why? We're afraid God's not going to show up. We're afraid God's not going to show up for me, for our friends, for our own children. We're afraid he's not going to speak.

Well, they weren't afraid, and God has shown up over and over. I've heard many stories that He has shared of Him speaking, and Hamza heard, and he began to grow in his new identity in Jesus Christ. He has walked through so many hardships. His family tried to kill him several times, like, throw him off a cliff, shoot him with a gun, and somehow he's made it through all of this because he walks in his identity of Christ, and what God spoke to him.

His hardships and fear began to change as he learned to listen to God's voice and receive that new identity of who He is in Christ Jesus. This has opened doors to things he would never imagine, and it can be the same with you in your homeschool. If God can reach a young man, a Muslim man, being killed by his family because he has faith in Jesus, and even more dangerous situations, he can speak to you, tired homeschool mom, in your minivan, or at the kitchen table.

My Story of Identity Exchange

I know from experience that God has spoken to me. I don't know how many of you know my story, but about nine and a half years ago, my husband left. We'd been married for 31 years. I'd be a very rich person if I had money from all my friends that looked at me and went, you and Steve? No, that's not true. Because they'd seen a marriage that seemed to be working.

But I felt, when I found out he was leaving, totally rejected. I'd never felt depression before. I felt hopeless. And I could have walked in those lies. I probably did for a while. My friend says, Kerry, you were walking in PTSD for a few years. That's probably true.

But I began praying for him all the time. I pray for him every single day. Sometimes it's a quick prayer, sometimes it's prayers of tears, but it is a prayer for his soul. His soul needs to go back to accepting the redemption that He has through Jesus Christ. I also pray for reconciliation for our marriage and our family. And there are people that are like, just get over it and move on, and go find someone else. No.

I made a covenant with God, a three-way covenant. Not a contract, where if he does something wrong, it's broken, go off and do whatever. A covenant. God's never broken His covenant with Israel. He's remained faithful, even through discipline. And I decided that is what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna remain faithful to our covenant. God and I are still waiting for Steve's return.

The question isn't why, God? Why is this happening? It's, God, what do you want me to know? What do you want me to do about this? And then let God work in and through me through the Holy Spirit. You see, I need to focus on me growing with God, and I'll let God deal with Steve. I believe He is faithful to the promises He's made, Steve and me. God says, I will never leave you or abandon you. I will work on you until the day of Christ Jesus.

Over time, I've learned who I am. What is my identity? And it's not the same as for you, but I will share mine. I believe I'm a warrior, a warrior on her knees, a teacher. A teacher of women and kids, both online and in person. An encourager. I never wanted to be a counselor. That's the thing I ever wanted to do. But God has used me to counsel kids and women. And I've pressed into that. And I'm a networker. I'm an organizer networker, trying to pull people together, trying to get things, not programs, but relationships. That's where it's all about, a networker of relationships.

You need to know your identity comes first, and then the outcome. I am a prayer warrior for Steve and for our family on my knees pretty every day. Again, sometimes there are quick prayers, but a lot of times, when I go for a walk, that's my prayer time. When I sit at the kitchen table, that's my prayer and Bible time. That is who God made me, a warrior of people's souls. A warrior that fights and contends for people's souls, starting with my own marriage and husband, and family, kids, and grandkids.

We haven't seen reconciliation, but I know God is good, I know God loves Steve, and He is still working, and I totally believe that He is reconciling our marriage. In the middle of my pain, it wasn't why God. Well, yeah, I had asked that, honestly. Why is this happening to me? It's not supposed to be like this.

But I have learned it's more important for me to keep my eyes upward and my faith in Jesus. Because this world is passing away, and there is nothing that I need to do. I need to change my identity and not believe the lies that I was a terrible wife or a terrible mom. I've been rejected multiple times since Steve left by him, neighbors, church, family members, and it hurts.

But I keep going back to God, because He's the one that's going to move me forward. I can't change people. I can just deal with myself. And He will meet me in the messiness of my broken marriage, my sleeping marriage, my destroyed marriage. He will meet you in your homeschool. He will meet you in your family, in your home, in your marriage, and in your heart.

Simple Steps to Get Unstuck

There are two key questions you need to be asking yourself. Not why, although you can ask why. I'm not expecting to, well, I do, I'll be honest, the reason why is so I would trust Him, and I would grow closer to Him. I would never wish my life on anyone. But I wouldn't trade it for anything. Because I am closer to God than I have ever been.

So, God, what do you want me to do about this situation, your situation? God, what do you want me to know, and then what do you want me to do?

Your child melts down over math. The old question is, why is this always happening? What is wrong with us? The new question is, God, what do you want me to know about my child? What do you want me to do? Comfort? Pause, change the approach, stop doing math. I did that for a whole year, actually, when I had a child that wasn't doing well with math, and had a bad attitude about it.

Maybe skip it first. You're a gentle shepherd, not a drill sergeant. Then speak that truth out loud. Start acting as a gentle shepherd and not that frazzled failure. Just like I did.

What I want you to do is I want you to look at the lies, pick one, and write a truth, hopefully a Bible verse that will go along with that truth. And then once you've wrestled through this, work with each of your children. What is the lie they are believing? I can't do it. I'm not smart enough. I need this, or I need that. I don't want this, I don't want that. Blaming people, whatever the lie is.

Do it with your kids as well, and write a truth down, and say it out loud. Here are the simple steps so that you can get unstuck with the lies that you're believing. Number one, name one lie. That was last week's episode. Ask the two questions. What, God, do you want me to know about this? What do you want me to do about this?

Then, I want you to find a truth and write it down, and put it somewhere that you're going to see it every single day. Kitchen sink, I have some in the bathroom window, I actually have some in the kitchen sink, I have some in my car. So I have different truths that I will see at different times of my day. And then I want you to say it aloud every single day.

Do this with your kids, maybe at the breakfast table. They read out loud that Bible verse or that truth about themselves, maybe at their desk, if they have a desk, and they are going to read that out loud as well, before they get started on their homeschool.

Speak the Truth Over Your Life

If you want more ideas, you can get Jamie's book, Living Fearless, that'll be in the show notes. If you want these free things here that I have, I'm going to read these in a second, then you can get those, the link is in the show notes as well. It's just a printable, and there is a page for you to write your own truth. You don't need mine, but mine can be just sort of a sample.

And I'll close with this. Like Jesus, I am chosen by God to be holy. I am chosen by God for great honor. I trust in Jesus, therefore I am not put to shame. God loves me and always takes care of me.

I am precious to God, because He bought me with Jesus' blood. I am a daughter of the king, a princess. I live in the light shining for Jesus all day long. I control my thoughts, my words, my food, my drink.

I receive God's mercy and grace, so I give grace, mercy, and forgiveness to others. I lead my case in the hands of God, who always judges fairly. I speak with words. I speak with pure and reverent behavior, and with a gentle and quiet spirit. I wait quietly on God.

Some things I have to really work on, and when I'm really struggling with a lie at that time, I may just pull that one out and say it every day, sometimes multiple times. I am patient. I am kind. I always forgive. I forget offenses against me. And some of you are like, I can't forget that. Well, you know what? If I have the Holy Spirit inside of me, I have the power that God has inside of me, and I can overcome, and God can take those thoughts away. He takes other thoughts away that I forget. Surely He can take those offenses, and I forget them.

The Holy Spirit renews my mind and attitudes every day. God never leaves me, never abandons me, never fails me. I listen well. I trust in God to fight my battles. He wins my battles.

Thanks for spending time with me. If any of this hits home, please share this with just one friend, maybe another homeschool mom, that this might encourage. That would mean the world to me. I'm Kerry Beck with Homeschool Coffee Break. We'll talk to you next time.

Kerry shares lessons from Jamie Winship's "Living Fearless" and the story of David—who learned his identity as warrior, musician, poet, and king while watching sheep in obscurity, just like God is forming your identity in the ordinary moments of homeschooling.

What you’ll learn in this episode:

✅Why identity exchange matters: the lies ("I'm not organized enough," "my kids need a real teacher") shape everything you do

✅What David's story teaches us about learning our calling in ordinary, obscure seasons

✅How the enemy attacks Christian homeschool families with little deceptions, not big temptations

✅Why "always" and "never" statements are lies (only God always does something right!)

✅Your homework: Ask God "What lie am I believing?" and write it down (we'll work on truth next week)

Ready to start your identity exchange? 

Download the FREE Biblical Truths Printable mentioned in this episode—sample truths Kerry speaks over herself daily plus a blank page for your own. 

Grab your copy of Jamie Winship's book Living Fearless! 

Podcast: Stop Negative Thinking for You & Your Kids

Well, hello everyone, this is Kerry Beck with Homeschool Coffee Break, where we help you stop the overwhelm so you can actually take a coffee break from your homeschool, your home, your family. Every once in a while, we need a break, and we need to refresh ourselves.

This episode is being published at the very beginning of 2026, and so this morning, I actually was listening to some podcasts. I had heard some of these stories before, I'd read the book, and I was like, this is what I need to share with my moms, because I believe this is a great way to kick off the new year.

Because I don't know about you, but I have a feeling that y'all are feeling a little overwhelmed and stressed out. You feel like you're falling behind, or you're failing your kids. And what we need to realize is the biggest problem in your homeschool, your family, is not the curriculum, is not the schedule, but it is the lies that you quietly believe in your head. You believe them about yourself, as a mom, as a homeschool mom.

Learning About Identity Exchange

What I want to do today is it's going to be at least a two-part series. We're going to talk a little bit about how we can get rid of those lies, and we can walk in the calling that God's given us. And this really will affect your homeschool. It truly will.

I want you to know that what I am sharing today comes from things that I have learned from a man named Jamie Winship. He wrote a book, Living Fearless, and it is Living Fearless, Exchanging the Lies of the World for the Liberating Truth of God. You can get a link to it in the show notes below. When I went on my prayer walk this morning, I really thought through some of these ideas all over again. What is my identity? Let's exchange the lies in my head for my true identity, my true calling from God.

If the things I share today are helpful, I would love for you to share this with one person.

The Lies We Believe

Let's talk about this for a second. When you're in the midst of homeschooling, you're rushing around, you're doing your math, and you're switching the laundry from the washer to the dryer, you're snapping at your kids, and then at night you're lying on your bed going, I'm ruining them. I'm not cut out for this.

But let's be honest, that is not the truth. And you're not the only one that's ever thought that. Because a lot of Christian moms keep that reel in their head, the little script in their head. I'm not organized enough to homeschool. My kids would be better off with a real teacher. I'm just so inconsistent, I can't even hear God clearly.

Well, those are lies in your head, and they shape the way you walk through your day. How you plan your day, or you avoid planning at all. Some of you Type A people got that checklist, those lies are affecting that checklist. Or, I don't know what it is, type B, C, or Z, one of them, you just don't even plan at all, because you're just avoiding it.

Those lies affect the way that you react to your kids when they are struggling. When you invite God into your lessons, or you just push through. Which one are you?

I believe the lessons that I've learned from Jamie Winship about my identity, and about the false identities, the lies, like, I'm a failure, I feel shame, I am inadequate. They keep us stuck. And we can't really hear from God when He is speaking a new name to us.

You know, Revelation 2:17 talks about, if we walk victoriously, God is going to give us a white stone and a new name. I'm going to talk about that in the next episode. But we need to be able to hear that new name.

David's Identity in the Fields

We're going to go to the Bible, and we're going to talk about a young man named David. I'm sure you've all heard it or sung the song, Only a Boy Named David. The reason he could kill Goliath is he had been preparing. He was walking in his identity.

You know, when they came to find the future king, his dad had even forgotten about him, that he even had that son who was out watching the sheep. How would you feel if your parents forgot you? And I don't think most of you... some of you probably had some rough childhoods, but David overcame.

You see, David was called. He was called to be a warrior, a musician, a poet and a king. Where did he learn those things? He learned them when he was watching the sheep from ages 10 to 13, during those middle school years. He wasn't in a palace classroom. He was learning his identity on the field, just like your kids should be learning. Yes, even in middle school, your kids can be learning what their identity is.

So today, I'm going to talk to you, Mom, and then we're going to close out by talking about what you can do with your kids as well. You see, David was a warrior. There were lions and bears that were wanting to eat these sheep, and David had to protect the flock with a slingshot, and he already had practice before he ever got on the battlefield.

He was a poet. He was a musician, he was writing songs to God, practicing worshiping God all alone on those hills of the sheep and the shepherd, watching them. He was a future king. He was learning leadership lessons in total obscurity, because he was faithful in the small things. God could put him in charge of bigger things as he grew into an adult.

Your Ordinary Season Prepares You

It's the same with you. God can use your ordinary season to prepare you for your calling. He did that with David. His ordinary life as a shepherd prepared him to be a king.

It's forming your kids' identity in your living room, at your kitchen table, in their bedroom. It's the small homeschool moments. Those are training grounds for your kids' future calling, and they are current trainings for your calling right now, as a Christian mom, as a homeschool mom as well.

You see, I know we have some homeschool moms, and it may be you. We could just call you Sarah. And you're constantly thinking, I'm not patient like all the other moms. I yell too much at my kids. My kids are only going to remember my anger. I had a fear my kids were going to remember the back of my head facing the computer, because I would work in the afternoons.

And that was not true, because I know they have some good memories of things that we did growing up. And you may be feeling, oh, my kids are just gonna think all I'm doing is yelling at them. And then all of a sudden, someday during your history lesson or your math lesson, your son says, hey, mom, I really like how you always make learning fun, even when you're stressed out.

And all of a sudden, you're in shock, because that internal lie up here in your head is a lie. And you are being too harsh on yourself. You are thinking you are a failure, when that's not true. You know, I think about it, because we did do fun things, and yet I felt like there were times I was snapping at my kids. And hopefully, they are going to remember the good things, the things that you are truly, who you truly are, because you're walking in your calling.

Two Voices in Your Head

You have two voices in your head, just like Sarah, the homeschool mom. It's the lie that we are permanently angry, we are failing our kids, and the other side is the truth. Where her son actually spoke truth to her, because she was a mom who cared enough to just keep showing up, even on the hard days.

And I believe that's who you are. You are a mom who keeps showing up, even on the hard days. Just like David's real identity was known by God in the fields. Sarah's real identity as a loving, persevering homeschool mom was visible to God, even while she believed the lies.

So we have got to get rid of these lies, and we're going to talk about that right now. Because, let's see, things that you're like, I always do this, or never... always and never statements. I learned that from my husband, Steve. He was like, do not say, I always do this, or I never do that. Because that's just not true. Only person that always does something is God. Only person that never does something wrong is God.

You may have shamed things from childhood, or accusing thoughts that you're accusing... you're hopeless. Let's take those away, and let's go to God's voice, because that is the enemy talking. And we are fighting a battle, and if you are homeschooling, and you are a Christian family, that target is on your front. You are in full frontal assault. The enemy is attacking you, and he is telling you lies every single day.

They don't come like, oh, don't believe in God. They come in little bitty deceptions like, I'm not doing enough. I'm failing my kids. I need to be more like someone else. Well, God didn't make you to be someone else. He made you to be you.

God's voice is specific, it is loving, and it can be convicting, but also hopeful. So I want to encourage you to ask the Holy Spirit today, what is one lie that I am believing, and that I could take out of here and get rid of some of that overwhelm and some of the stress?

Help Your Kids with Identity Exchange Too

It's the same with teenagers. Maybe you have a teenager who struggles with reading and says, I am just stupid. I'll never get this. Well, that's a lie. And that's what the enemy wants her to believe. And you as a mom, you may feel that sting, because you may have struggled with that same vibe when you were a teenager. Maybe you're still struggling with it, you know?

And we need to remind our kids, hey. David walked in truth. He could fight Goliath, because he practiced when he was a middle schooler or a teenager. And you, as mom, can prompt her and say, reading is your lion and your bear that you are about to kill, and we are going to overcome it, because God gives us the truth, and He gives us everything we need.

And He will give you the ability to be able to read and move forward in the things that He's called you to do. I read this one story where they said, okay, write, I am stupid on a paper, and then scratch it out, and let's write the truth. I am God's daughter, learning to be brave like David. And then tape that truth on the wall and say it every single day.

Speaking Truth Out Loud

You know, there was a time when I was driving home from the Gentrys, who live about 3 hours away, and we'd had a party, and things were going on in my head, and I eventually just left. I was coming home anyway, but that enemy was lying in my head. I had all this rejection, not from Gentry, but from things that had gone on, and I'll share that story more next week. But I had these lies in my head that I needed to get rid of. And I had to replace them with truth.

And so, what did I do? When I got home, either that night or that next morning, I wrote these truths down. I have since actually written a printable, and I'm going to read them to you, because this is the goal. You are going to... your homework is to name a lie and write it down so we know what it is, and then we're going to write a truth about that, and then we're going to say that truth over and over.

And I said these out loud for months, I wouldn't say years. I still will pull them out and read them, and I want to read them to you, and every single one comes from a deception from the enemy.

Like Jesus, I am chosen by God to be holy. And let me just say, saying it out loud is good. It gets into our brain waves, and it changes the way we think. Did you know your brain grows and grows new synapses every single night? And so we need to retrain the way our brain thinks.

And so these are some things that I wrote down and said out loud so I could get rid of those lies and speak the truth to myself. Like Jesus, I am chosen by God to be holy. I am chosen by God for great honor. I trust in Jesus. Therefore, I am not put to shame. God loves me, and always takes care of me.

I am precious to God because He bought me with His Son's blood. I am a daughter of the king, a princess. I live in the light, shining for Jesus all day long. I control my thoughts, my words, my food, my drink.

I receive God's mercy and grace, so I give grace, mercy, and forgiveness to others. I leave my case in the hands of God, who always judges fairly. I speak with words. I speak with pure and reverent behavior in a quiet and gentle spirit. And I wait quietly on God. Now, that's a hard one. Especially when you've been waiting for something for years, and not like, oh, I'm waiting for a house or a car, waiting for people's souls to turn back to God.

I am patient. I am kind. I always forgive. I forget offenses against me. The Holy Spirit renews my mind and attitudes every day. God never leaves me, never abandons me, never fails me. I listen well. I trust in God to fight my battles. He wins my battles.

We're going to talk a little bit more about getting to those truths next week, but if you would like a copy of these along with a blank page where you fill in your own truths, and we'll have these next week, you can look in the show notes, and there will be a link to those, completely free for you.

Your Homework This Week

So, I want you to take a deep breath. If you can, close your eyes. If you're driving, do not close your eyes. And I want you to ask, Jesus, what lie am I believing about myself as a mom? Don't filter, just notice whatever comes.

God already knows it, so don't try hiding your bad thoughts about yourself. He knows what you believe. He knows what I believe. So just put it out there and be honest with yourself. That is called confession, where you truly not... I'm sorry for this, God. Confession is truly admitting the lie that you are believing.

And I would say write it down this week, and you might write a few things down. God already knows you're not surprising Him. Confess it means you are agreeing with Him that it's not from Him, that it's a lie. And then next week, we're gonna just start with one of those lies.

So, spend this week asking God, what lies do I believe? And then I want you to do this with your kids after you have already experienced this, and listened to God. And do it with your kids, and if you're not sure, pray with them, especially any kid that's 10 and up, even 8 and up, probably.

They are probably thinking there are some lies, and you may even know what they are. You might be able to point them in direction, or you might let them pray and let God truly speak to them. So they can begin hearing the voice of God. We're going to talk a lot about the voice of God next week.

That's all it is. We're not gonna worry about the truth, we're just gonna worry about the lies that we believe. We're gonna be truthful to ourselves. Brutally truthful, and then we're going to move forward.

If you want more help, I would encourage you to get Jamie Winship's book, Living Fearless. There's a link in the show notes to that as well. He will take you even deeper than what I am sharing in these two episodes. You can also get my free biblical truths, daily truths, and I would encourage you, we'll start talking about that, speaking them out loud every single day.

Thanks for spending time with me. If any of this hits home, please share this with just one friend, maybe another homeschool mom, that this might encourage. That would mean the world to me. I'm Kerry Beck with Homeschool Coffee Break. We'll talk to you next time.

If you’ve ever wondered how to teach manners without constant correction, this episode is full of practical stories, heart-tugging lessons, and family habits that make character training simple. Monica shares easy-to-implement tips to help kids feel valued, develop respect for others, and build lifelong relationship skills.

What you’ll learn in this episode:

✅Why teaching manners is really about loving others

✅The key mistake parents make with etiquette

✅How to create “soft heart” moments for better learning

✅Practical lessons your family can start using week

✅How manners build humility, confidence, and strong relationships

Monica Irvine is the President of The Etiquette Factory and co-Founder of Fundamentals4Kids. As a renowned national speaker and published author of over 20 books, Mrs Irvine delights in her passion for helping children and adults reach their full potential. Mrs Irvine is a retired homeschool mom who now enjoys the fruits of her labors watching her children raise her most loved grandchildren.

Follow Monica Irvine and The Etiquette Factory on Facebook

Recommended Resources:

Character Training Tool Kit

Character Development Without the Drama

Character Building in 3 Steps

Show Notes:

What It Really Means to Have Manners

Kerry: Well, let's talk about etiquette and manners. Could you tell our listeners just a little bit, maybe why is this so important? Especially in today's culture? And how does this go beyond just saying, please and thank you. I mean, please, and thank you are important, but that's just a little small part of it. So tell us why and what, how it goes beyond that.

Monica: I know sometimes over the years I've told my husband I should have named the company something besides the etiquette factory, because I'll be at a convention and I can always see people's reaction. They look up and they read the sign, and I can read their brain often where they're going. Oh, that's great and all. But we've got more important things to worry about than what fork to eat your salad with and to me I know why it's so much more than that.

Let me first give you the definition that we use for etiquette at the etiquette factory, and that is etiquette which manners and etiquette, chivalry all mean the same thing. Etiquette is helping those around us to feel valued, and comfortable.

George Washington's Rules Changed Everything

Monica: Years ago I was homeschooling our kids, and we were studying the life of President George Washington. And what a fascinating life that man had! And as we were doing that I stumbled upon George Washington's rules of civility and decent behavior. Many of you have read a couple of those, if not just Google that. And you will see this list of 110 chivalry skills that, according to President Washington's journal, he put to memory at the age of 13 he actually copied these 110 chivalry rules out of a French book.

As I started reading these rules, I just, I can just tell you the spirit penetrated my heart, and being the mom of 3 boys. I was like, Wow, you know, my boys, could benefit from knowing some of these? Of course, manners was always important to me. and so I said, You know, let's start trying to memorize one of these a week and kind of having a manners thing each week.

We started memorizing these chivalry skills, and something happened. I started noticing a change in behavior. and it fascinated me because I was like, what's what's changed. I mean, I've always told my boys to have good manners. I've always taught them.

The Problem with Teaching "In the Moment"

Monica: I think a light bulb moment happened when it dawned on me that usually 98% of the time when I was trying to teach my children manners was in the moment of correcting, like my one of my kids would say or do something that wasn't the most polite, and I would be oh, honey, no, baby, you can't say that, that's not polite. And then I would go on to tell them why.

When all of a sudden I shifted to start having a daily manners lesson during the school day, when my heart was softer. My children's hearts were softer because they weren't being fussed at. and we just had a discussion about well, how do we use our napkin correctly? Or how do you make an apology sound sincere. All of a sudden my boys would be like, Mom, let's do another one. What's the next one? Let's go ahead and talk about the next one. and it literally is what changed everything.

Why Manners Really Matter

Monica: Most people think of manners when they think of table manners right and usually family sit around the table, and for parents that manners are important to them. Their table sounds like this. Could you, too, with your mouth closed, honey, sit still in your chair, stop stop making that noise. Get your elbow off the table, and it's just this constant correcting.

But when I teach kids the definition of manners and I use an example like this, I'm like, okay. So if I came over and had dinner with you all your family tonight. and I sat down and I started eating like a pig. I mean, y'all, I'm chewing with my mouth open. I am making some weird noise with my tongue, or I eat so fast that I'm finished getting up and leaving the table. When you're on your 3rd bite any of those behaviors, I would be sending your family a message, and that message would be, look, I'm here for one person, one person only, and that's myself.

You see, the lack of manners is called selfishness. Manners is just trying to get me and you and all of us to look outward to pay attention to how our behavior or lack thereof, is causing other people around us to feel.

Teaching Children to Feel Others' Emotions

Kerry: I love the idea of being valued and being comfortable around someone. So I know this includes things like kindness and respect. Can you give us some ideas on how moms could either do that? Or my other thought was, how do they go from just learning the rules to actually internalizing some of that.

Monica: For me, and the way we go about teaching children is we try to actually tug on their heartstring a little bit what I mean by that is, usually it's when it's when our emotions are hit that we change our behavior.

So, for instance, let's say that our child has a habit of leaving their dirty clothes and wet towel on the bathroom floor, and most of us would handle it this way. Get your towel off the floor. Come, get your clothes. and usually it's in frustration right?

Well, all of a sudden, when you sit down with your kids and say, let's let's talk about, for instance, the way we leave the bathroom for the next person that uses it. If if I go into the restroom and I make a mess. However that happens, whether it's my dirty clothes, my wet towel, I leave the sink full of spit and toothpaste, or I don't have the commode, you know, nice and tidy. Do you want? Do you want to come in after me?

The Power of Standing to Show Honor

Monica: So let me give you. I'll give you all a lesson. One of our lessons. So one of our lessons is the stand up lesson. So if if we were at an event and someone brought in the American flag, what would we all do? You know we stand up, and why do we stand up? Well, we we stand up because of the honor and respect that we have for what that flag represents.

The same thing happens in our home. So the etiquette skill is that today, still, in the 21st century, it is polite for children to stand for adults and for gentlemen to stand for ladies. I use the word honor a lot because I want to raise and wanted to raise honorable children. What does it mean to be honorable? Well to be honorable. You have to do some honorable things and honorable things. Always 100% of the time require some level of sacrifice. That's what makes them honorable when you give of yourself in order to bless help someone else.

So how would this look in our home? Our families still eat at the table at least 3 or 4 times a week. But so Mom or Dad might say, Hey, family, it's time for dinner. and so our family would come to the table, and all of us would stand behind our chair until the person we're honoring sits down. Typically, I would suggest that that person first be mom. So Mom is the first person that sits down or the cook.

We're Creating Entitled Children

Monica: The last time you and your family had a big gathering, maybe 4th of July, who were actually the first people that had their plates prepared. 98% of you are, gonna say, the kids. because see? At some point our society decided that was easier. Oh, yeah. So we got to get the kids, get their plates, get their drink, make sure they have everything they need. And we think if we get the kids situated, then us adults can go over here and eat peacefully, because we're not being bothered by the needs of our children.

And then we're the same adults that want to walk around this earth complaining about the entitled generation. And I'm like parents. So you're gonna let your children have their plates fixed before their grandmother. Are you crazy? We've got to stop it because I believe that this behavior is hurting our children.

Simple Ways to Practice Valuing Others

Monica: When I'm teaching children and families how to help their children to greet people and introduce themselves. It's not just that we're supposed to introduce ourselves. It's just that greeting people is another way to help people to feel valued.

For instance, the last time you and the children went through the Walmart checkout line. What were what were our children doing? Were they obsessing over the candy, mom, can I have this? Can I have this. Were we on our phone scrolling through social media while we're waiting, we're all getting tricked by the enemy into this self absorption.

Whereas if I teach my kids how to value others right before we go through the groceries checkout line, I'm going to say, Hey, kids, what are we about to do check out, mom, what does that mean? We're going to help the cashier feel valued. That's right. And so then my children all know to say, Hello, how are you doing today? Oh, good afternoon! What's your name?

Kerry: That's so good, you know, in the middle of what you were saying. But while back the word humility just kept coming up to my mind, and the idea of Philippians. 2. Where Jesus is the perfect example of humility and giving of himself. So I really appreciate you bringing this down to the gospel, and it really is sacrifice, and that there's benefits for all of us when we sacrifice.

Resources and Encouragement

Monica: So the etiquettefactory.com. We've got some wonderful programs. This is our preschool through 3rd grade course, called fundamentals for kids. With little kids, we find that they need to play a game. They need to sing about it, hear a story. Make a craft. And that's what fundamentals for kids is. It's twice a week you pull something out of the box and we help you have a conversation with your kids.

And then the life skills for you is for 4th, 5th grade all the way through, seniors. In fact, it can count as a half a credit for our high school. We actually show videos of teenagers doing the skills the wrong way and the right way.

Monica: Oh, just you know, if I could go back in time and tell my new homeschool mom self, give myself any advice. It would be relax. Relax. You know, if if we all sent our kids to public school. There would be some gaps in their education when they graduated. and if we sent them to private school there would be some gaps in their education. and as we homeschool when they graduate. there's going to be some gaps. But it doesn't matter about the gaps. What matters is that every day we try to help our children learn to love, to learn. and that's all that matters.

In all the years that we homeschooled, y'all, we never finished curriculum. The only curriculum we ever finished. Every year was our math. But what happened is, we learned to love, to learn, and have very successful children who have done some really difficult things in their careers. It works itself out. But teaching character, teaching the gospel of Jesus Christ. There is no substitute for that, and have some fun because you're making memories.

Ready to start teaching manners in your home? Visit The Etiquette Factory to learn more about Monica's practical curriculum that makes teaching character and manners enjoyable for the whole family.

You’ll learn how to apply these tools—atmosphere, discipline, and life—in a way that nourishes both your children and yourself. This gentle philosophy isn’t about replicating school at home; it’s about building something far more meaningful.

Here’s what you’ll take away:

✅ What it really means to create a homeschool “atmosphere”

✅ How habits form the foundation of discipline (without nagging)

✅ Why ideas are the most powerful food for the mind

✅ How to foster solitude, attention, and curiosity

✅ The secret to cultivating beauty and truth in your home

This week only, you can grab my Charlotte Mason Tool Kit for 50% off as a way to put these ideas into practice without overwhelm.

Mentioned Resources:

Charlotte Mason Tool Kit - SAVE 50% with code: CM50

Show Notes:

Welcome to the Three Tools of a Life-Giving Education

Hey, hello everyone. Welcome to the three tools of a life-giving education. I'm so excited to talk to you today about these amazing tools that we have for free.

Charlotte Mason said, "Education is an atmosphere and a discipline and a life more important than the curriculum you're using." That's just one of the tools. Any resource you use can be shaped and guided according to these three tools to give your children a life-giving education.

Before we dive into today's talk, I just want to introduce myself. I'm Julie Ross. I'm the creator of the Charlotte Mason curriculum, A Gentle Feast. I'm a homeschool veteran of over 20 years. I have five kiddos—one has graduated recently from college and then the other will be a senior in college in neuroscience next year. And then I have three teenagers that I'm still homeschooling.

So I've been homeschooling for a while. Before that, I was a public school educator and I helped start a private Christian school. So I've been in the educational space for about 30 years now. And I'm also a certified Christian life coach. So I'm going to bring in all my experience as a teacher, as a homeschool mom, as a coach, and bring that all in and hopefully give you a really practical look at how these three tools of a Charlotte Mason education can help transform your homeschool.

Tool #1: Education Is an Atmosphere

So let's start off with the first one. Education is an atmosphere. What in the world does that even mean? That seems so bizarre. Atmosphere, what does it have to do? How is that a tool to help guide our education?

I would say this is in fact one of the most, if not the most important tool. Charlotte Mason said, "Therefore, we are limited to three educational instruments: the atmosphere of environment, the discipline of habit, and the presentation of living ideas." Going back again to the motto, education is an atmosphere, discipline, and a life.

So, what are we talking about when we're talking about the atmosphere of your home or the home environment? This is from a Parents' Review article. That's the magazine that Charlotte Mason edited. And this author wrote, "There are many important aspects of home life, from first training to highest education, but there is nothing in the way of direct teaching that will ever have so wide and lasting an effect as the atmosphere of home."

And the gravest thought concerning this is that in this instant, there's nothing to learn and nothing to teach. The atmosphere emanates from ourselves as the parents. It literally is ourselves. Our children live in it and breathe it and what we are is thus incorporated into them. There is no pretense here or possibility of evasion. We may deceive ourselves in the long run. We never deceive our children. The spirit of home lives in what is more—home atmosphere is accentuated in them. Atmosphere is much more than teaching and infinitely more than talk.

And when I first read this quote, I was unbelievably convicted. Because the atmosphere of my home at the time was not what I wanted. It was not what I wanted my homeschool to be like. I felt like I was a drill sergeant constantly giving out orders, constantly wondering like why is this not done? This was supposed to be done minutes ago. Everybody get in the car. We got to go to this and we were just hurry hurry hurry stress stress stress stress.

And I was like, this isn't why I homeschooled. This isn't the atmosphere I want to create. Because Charlotte Mason is saying here, this atmosphere that you might not even realize is what is going on in your home is going to have such a lasting effect on your children.

What Atmosphere Do You Want to Create?

I wanted my children to feel like school and learning was just part of life and it was this beautiful atmosphere. I wanted us to have deep connections. I wanted my kids to be curious. I wanted them to have time to be creative. And I realized that by me being stressed out all the time, I was actually hurting my children and creating an atmosphere of our home that was not conducive to learning.

And so if this quote really convicts you as well, I have some hope. So basically what she's saying is that education is an atmosphere. Our children are breathing it. We can't see it, right? And that these become the ideas which rule their lives. They're getting this from us.

So, we are the thermostats of our homes. We're setting the temperature. We are either making it really hot, really stressful, really high pressure environment, or we can make the atmosphere of our home peaceful, joyous. Isn't that what we all want, right?

So, what words would you use to describe the current atmosphere of your home? This might be something you've never even thought of before. Because before I read Charlotte Mason's teaching, I never—all I was thinking about was like our to-do list and am I choosing the right curriculum and what does our schedule look like and never considered how I was showing up and how that was affecting the temperature of our home. What word would you describe the atmosphere of your home?

Common Homeschool Thoughts That Create Stress

And I want you to think about if you've ever had these thoughts in your homeschool: We are so far behind. My child is so difficult. It shouldn't be this hard. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm going to mess up my child. We are constantly butting heads about school. My child is not working up to their potential. I'm overwhelmed.

Have you ever had any of these thoughts? I'm guessing most of us who are listening to this have. I know I have had all of those. That's why I wrote them down.

If we want to change the atmosphere of our home, we have to be willing to get really honest with ourselves, be willing to pause and to ask ourselves, what am I thinking about my homeschool on a regular basis?

How Your Thoughts Create Your Atmosphere

When I read these words to you, how does that make you feel? For me, I feel like I have a weight like right here. Like I can't breathe. I feel all shame, guilt. You might feel afraid, discouraged, disappointed.

And when we have these feelings, which are coming from what we're continually telling ourselves, our continual thoughts and stories, and we have these feelings, it affects the way that we show up. And we're not showing up as our most calm, peaceful, loving selves. And that's creating an atmosphere that we don't want.

So in order to create the atmosphere that we do want, we have to look at taking our thoughts captive and by telling ourselves a different story.

Charlotte Mason put it this way: "Let not the nervous, anxious, worried mother think this easy, happy relation with her children is for her. She may be the best mother in the world, but the thing that her children will get from her in these moods is a touch of her nervousness, most catching of complaints. She will find them fractious, rebellious, unmanageable, and will be slow to realize that it is her fault. Not the fault of her act, but of her state."

So, not the fault of the actions, even though those do have such a great effect, but it's coming from your state, your thoughts. What are you feeling on a regular basis? And are your children catching that?

I used to think my children complain all the time. And then I realized, oh, I'm the one complaining all the time. Why is it taking you so long to do that? That should have been finished already. I can't believe you don't understand that. Why do I always have to come back up after you and clean up? And then I wondered why they had bad attitudes. Right?

I had to turn the mirror around and look at myself and say, "What am I producing in this atmosphere? How am I showing up?"

Changing Your Thoughts to Change Your Atmosphere

And like I said, we can focus on our actions and be like, I just need to respond in anger less. I just need to respond with a more gentle voice. Yes, that's all true. But we can't just will ourselves to change our action without changing our state, without changing the thoughts that we're thinking on a regular basis.

So change your thoughts and change the atmosphere of your home. It sounds easier, really. It sounds a lot easier than it actually is. But when you get into the practice of it, most of us don't even know what we're thinking ever. We just live our lives on autopilot. So, we're just always in reaction mode.

So, taking the time to pause and say, "What do I actually think on a regular basis? What am I telling myself about myself as a homeschool mom or about our homeschool, about my kids, and how is that affecting my mood and then my actions?"

So, how do we change our thoughts? So, first of all, be mindful throughout the day. Start to take notice, which means you actually have to have margin in your day to pause. Think on purpose. Tell yourself what you're going to think instead. And I'll give you some hints for that in a second.

Training Your Brain to Find the Good

And then start to find the good. Our brains are naturally wired to keep us safe. So they will find all the things that are wrong. If I said, "What's not working in your homeschool?" You probably could tell me 10 things. And if I said, "How have you been successful in your homeschool this year?" That might be a little harder for you to think of something because our brains naturally look for what's wrong to keep us safe.

And so your brain is doing that all day long. It's looking for all this evidence and all these things that are wrong. We need to train it to start finding the good. That means starting to celebrate the small things. Oh my goodness, my son just shared his pencil with his sister. Oh my goodness, like that read aloud. That was so impactful. Oh my goodness, like we went on our nature walk and nobody got hurt.

Start to have gratitude for those small things and it will change the way your brain is seeing things that are already there. You're already doing good things. Your brain's just naturally filtering them out trying to find the things that are wrong.

Thoughts to Tell Yourself on Purpose

So let's go back to this telling your brain what to think on purpose. We're going to be intentional here. If we're intentional about the atmosphere that we want to create in our home, we have to be intentional with what thoughts we're telling ourselves.

So, telling yourself what to think on purpose. Here are some thoughts you might want to try on and see how they fit and start repeating these to yourself. You can journal about them. You could put them on a post-it note. You can embroider them on a pillow. Whatever works for you to start to train your brain to think differently.

So: I am the perfect person to homeschool my children. I am on a journey and progressing at the perfect pace. I respond with patience, trusting that all things are working for good. I am grateful to be homeschooling my children. Good things happen every day in our home. I have control over my thoughts, feelings, and energy. I am present and focused during our homeschooling. Our days are full of beauty, laughter, and rich ideas. I will not fear because I work in cooperation with the divine teacher. Mistakes are an opportunity to learn and grow. I am becoming better each day.

So, come up with your own if these don't really resonate with you. What are some truths? It might not always feel true. Do I always feel like I'm the perfect person to homeschool my children? Absolutely not. But is that true? Yes.

Write those things down and start to tell yourself these stories instead. Start to change your thoughts and see if that affects the atmosphere of your home and what you are working. Work on yourself. Put on your own oxygen mask. Train your brain to start to think differently so that you can show up as your highest, most loving, most calm, most peaceful, most engaged, most curious, most playful self and see how that changes the atmosphere of your home.

Tool #2: Education Is a Discipline

All right, moving on. Charlotte Mason said, "Education is a discipline." By education as a discipline, we mean the discipline of habits definitely formed and thoughtfully, whether habits of mind or body.

So the word discipline, you might think of something else, but what Charlotte Mason is referring to are the habits. We have to discipline ourselves to do things on a regular basis. The more we do something, the more neuropathways it makes in our brains and then it becomes a habit. It's not something we have to think about.

The Habit of Attention

One of the habits that's really important to foster is the habit of attention. Charlotte Mason talks about how important that is. We need to have the habit of attention so that we can be focused and really engaged on what we're learning.

So this comes from her work, A Philosophy of Education: "Another misconception we have concerns attention. We think that to capture a child's attention with persuasion, dramatic presentations, pictures and visual models. But the fact is a teacher who succeeds depends on his charismatic personality is merely an actor who belongs on a stage."

Okay, so this takes the pressure off you. You don't need a bunch of props, games, videos to make every lesson fun in order to gain your child's attention.

We now know that attention is not one faculty of the brain and it's not a definable power of the mind. It's the ability to turn on that power and concentrate. We have that attention there. Can you turn it on when you need to? By capturing a child's attention with gimmicks, we waste our time.

The ability to focus the attention is already there in the child as much as he needs. It's like a forceful river just waiting to obey the child's own authority to turn it on. Yes, it's capable of stubbornly resisting attempts to be coerced that are imposed from without.

What we need to do is recognize that attention is one of the appetites and then we'll feed it with the best we have in living books and knowledge. But paying attention is something the child has to do on their own. We can't do it for them.

Feeding Attention with Living Books

It's not for us to be the fountain of all knowledge. We don't know enough. We don't speak well enough. We're too vague and random to cope with the capability of creatures who are thirsty for knowledge. Instead of pretending to be the source of their education, we must realize that books, the very best books, are the source. And we must put that resource into their hands and read them for ourselves, too.

So, our children have this amazing ability to pay attention. And I'm sure you've seen this in your own kids. When they're so focused that nothing you say to them like they can't even hear you. When does that happen? When they're really engrossed in something that they care about, right?

Whether that's they're playing a video game or a TV—and sadly that's really damaged our attention spans. But if your child is like making something with Legos and they're so into it, like they're so focused on it, they don't realize what else is going on in the world.

And we want to capture that attention when it comes to our school lessons. But most of what we give kids is so dry and so boring that we're actually training them in the habit of not paying attention. And we want to give them the very best book, Charlotte Mason says, because that captures attention.

And I'm sure you've read a really great book, right? And you're like so engrossed in the book and your kids are, "Hey, mom, are we ever like going to get to eat today?" And you're like, "What? It's 5 o'clock already?" Right? You like couldn't put the book down.

That was like a living amazing story that captured your imagination, that captured your attention. And we want that for our kids. We don't need to come up with all these games and gimmicks to get their attention. If we give them really good books, they'll be like, "Oh, no, wait. Keep reading." That's what we want. That's how we foster this habit of attention.

The Power of Short Lessons

All right. And then we want to build some other habits into our school day. So, a habit of attention is so key because that's going to get them to focus. Charlotte Mason also encouraged short lessons. By having short lessons, it's easier to pay attention.

Do you know the average adult attention span now is less than 30 seconds? But we're expecting our children to pay attention for 45 minutes of a grammar lesson. That's so unrealistic.

Charlotte Mason had short lessons. They didn't have 45-minute lessons till they were in high school. And that's very few subjects actually. And when they're young, a lesson might only take 5 to 10 minutes. By being able to focus, be interested in it, caring about it, you're able to go through school in a shorter amount of time than having these subjects drag on and on and on and on and on.

Okay, so I wanted to mention short lessons as well. Okay, so let's move into some other foundational habits that you might want to consider building into your homeschool.

The Habit of Outdoor Time

So the first one is the habit of outdoor time. Charlotte Mason talks a lot about this, but we need to make it a habit. It's not just something like, oh, I hope when we have extra time, we can go do something outside. It needs to be something that is so vital.

Here's what she said. This is from volume one: "It is infinitely well worth the mother's while to take some pains every day to secure in the first place that her children spend hours daily amongst rural and natural objects and in the second place to infuse into them or to rather cherish in them the love of investigation. A love of nature implanted so early that it will seem to them thereafter to have been born in them will enrich their lives with pure interests, absorbing pursuits, health, and good humor."

So she says the mom has to take pains to secure outdoor time. So it might not always be easy. It might not always be pleasant. That's the thing about a habit, right? When you first starting to build a habit, like going to the gym, it's hard. The more you do it, the easier it becomes, right? You don't have to think about waking up and brushing your teeth. You just do it. It's habitual.

So we want to create this pattern of loving nature, of investigating and being curious and having wonder about God's creation and being outside. And so we build that habit again over time. So at first it might be a little painful, but eventually it will build this love of nature within your children.

So looking at how can you make this a habit in your day, in your week so that it's something that starts to happen naturally and it's not so hard to get outside.

The Habit of Routines

Another habit is having routines. So in the book For the Children's Sake, which if you have not read this and you're interested at all in Charlotte Mason, this is my go-to book. You must try this one. She says routines form habits. So if you want to have good habits, you need to add routines into your homeschool day.

She says, "Take the area of human relationships. Routines do not make the relationship, but they are the frame upon which we hang our experiences. Some families do not have a routine of eating meals together anymore. Anytime goes for snacking. People rush about at a thousand activities, any one of which could be good. But what is the sum total? Without the priority of a framework, nothing much happens. Few conversations, little time of togetherness."

A family decides to read a book together whenever there's time. But invariably there's no time. It is essential to have these basic routines. Children love routines. It frees their attention again—this habit of attention—for the activity at hand.

Later on, other routines help the child along. When planning routines, priority must be given to the most important things. The person matters. Whether it be child, husband, wife or friend, we all need time to talk, read, relax and work together. Our relationship with God matters. Where is the time to be found for that? I am a part of his creation. Where will I have time to get out and enjoy nature? Again, that other habit of being outside.

There is too much work to be done and I am finite. I need to accept that reality and plan the time and priorities carefully.

So, when you are planning out your school year, think about what are the priorities for you. Do you want to build in these habits of being outside, of reading together, of spending time in God's word? Make it a routine. The more you do something, the stronger that habit will become and the easier it will be to make that happen.

So, as you're planning out your school day, what are the routines that can make these habits form more easily into your day? And you're not always having to make a million decisions all day about do we do this next, do we do that, do we decide to go here, do we do this? By having these routines, it eliminates a lot of that decision fatigue, which will be so helpful.

The Habit of Solitude

And the next one is the habit of solitude, which might be something you have not thought of. And I think it's really interesting. I'm going to have to put my glasses on here because I have this quote on my phone and it's really hard to read. Bear with me one second here.

All right. "For the right use of programs"—at Charlotte Mason's programs—"two things are necessary: solitude and independence." Okay. For the right use of the programs, two things are necessary: solitude and independence. Children must have these.

Nursery children come off fairly well in these respects. They get time where they can wander and dream alone in the garden. But this happy state ends where schoolroom life begins. Lessons, walk, and lessons again. Always in company, always having something that must be done now.

Miss Mason devises the timetables—that's those short lessons I was talking about—which cover such reasonable hours as to leave time over for the solitude. But parents are often very culpable in thinking that tango—isn't that so funny—or some other new thing must be learned as well. The much needed time for solitude is used for plans which necessitate hurried journeys always in the company of a responsible person who feels it's her duty to talk in an instructive way.

And the thinking time, the growing time, the time in which the mind is to find food is diminished and the child becomes restless, tiresome, irritable, disobedient. Everything that a child who is reputed to be difficult can be. The parents marvel and say, "But we are giving him the best education that can be procured. We are neglecting no opportunities."

Kind, generous parents, you are giving your child every opportunity but one, and that is self-development. By your generous care, you are safeguarding him from ever using his own mind, ever relying upon himself in any way.

The child who at first found interference irksome later depends on it so much that he is unable to work without the constant prodding of a mentor. I believe that this is the prime reason of the oft repeated lament of teachers and professors: Little ones are so eager. Older children are less keen. Adults are dull.

Wow. If you want to feed your child's mind, you have to build in times of solitude into your day. Time when your children are alone with their imaginations, when you're not hurried from one thing to the next.

And there's so many amazing opportunities now for homeschoolers that weren't around when I started. But it can be so easy to pack our day where we're constantly on these hurried journeys. And our children don't have time to think, to be alone with our own thoughts, and to allow these ideas start to form and take root in their mind and to develop their imagination.

So, make sure you're leaving time for the habit of solitude in your day.

Questions to Consider About Habits

So, here are some questions to consider when it comes to building good habits into your homeschool: How am I fostering good habits in my own life? So, we have to start with ourselves. If we're not building good habits in our own life, we are not going to be good models for our children on how to stay consistent with something, how to will ourselves to do something that we actually don't really want to do. We need to model that first for our kids.

Does my homeschool routine make good habits easy? Again, routines are going to be the tracks that these habits are going to go on and that's going to make everything so much easier in your day.

And what's one habit that would bring more ease to our homeschool day? What's one thing you could start maybe even this summer that could be a habit that gets built that's going to make things easier come fall?

Tool #3: Education Is a Life

And then the last one is education is a life. In saying that education is the life, the need of intellectual and moral as well as a physical sustenance is applied. The mind feeds on ideas. Therefore, children should have a generous curriculum.

Education is a life. It is living. We want to give our kids a life-giving education. We're not just feeding their mind, but we're feeding their whole personhood, their physical body, their moral body, them as spiritual beings, right?

What Does the Mind Need to Grow?

But what does the mind actually need to grow? Are we feeding it the proper food? Charlotte Mason would say a mind can only be fed upon ideas. We can stuff a bunch of information in there, she says, but it's like sawdust in the cogs of a machine.

We're just filling our children with a bunch of information. They might look really stuffed and like they know a whole lot, but there's no depth to what they're actually learning. Only ideas can take root and be the proper food that your child's mind needs.

So what is what do we mean by that? What's an idea? So she says an idea is more than an image or a picture. It is so to speak a spiritual germ, a little seed endowed with vital force and with power that is to grow and produce after its kind.

It's the very nature of an idea to grow. As the vegetable germ secretes that it lives by so fairly implant an idea in the child's mind and it will secrete its own food and it will grow and it will bear fruit and it will inform a succession of like ideas.

Charlotte Mason calls this the science of relations. These little ideas that come into our children's mind through the books that we're reading, through the art that we're looking at, through the music, through the being out and investigating out in nature. These little seeds when they have time for solitude to grow, they will grow on their own and they will connect to other ideas.

We don't have to put all the connections and make a cute little unit study where everything all goes together for our kids. Their brains are naturally going to make these connections as these ideas are growing. Those synapses are going to start connecting. And it's such a beautiful thing to watch because this is their own brain doing the hard work of digesting all this mind food that we're going to give them.

Where Do Ideas Come From?

So the proper nourishment of ideas, what does this mean? What does this actually look like? What are we putting in here on a regular basis?

So first of all, ideas come from stories or books that are written in a narrative fashion. So even high school chemistry, believe it or not, even high school physics can be written in a narrative fashion where there's an idea, there's something that captures your imagination. It's not just a bunch of facts.

She says, "I think we owe it to our children to let them dig their knowledge of whatever subjects for themselves out of the book. What a child digs is his own possession."

So, as a teacher, we're not having to learn all the information. We're not the fountain head of all knowledge. We're not having to digest all the material and put it together and then teach it to our kids. We are putting them in touch with real books where the authors are passionate about the subject and those books are the ones that are teaching our children. They're the ones that are feeding their minds with all these amazing ideas.

We also—and this is like a common misconception with Charlotte Mason is oh you just read books all day. No, children are also doing things with their hands and ideas can come from these things as well. They have these natural objects. They're outside. They're out in nature. They're investigating. They're exploring. They're learning these gross motor skills. They're working with handicrafts, with wood and leather and clay.

They have natural objects. They're seeing the birds and the plants and the trees and these things that are outside. They're observing. They're understanding cause and effect and making conclusions about the way the world works. They're looking at art and using science things. All of these grow ideas in a child's mind. So it's not just books but books and things.

Cultivate Your Own Mind

And then you need to cultivate your own mind. If you want to be pouring ideas into your children, you need ideas coming into your own mind. She says we need not say one word about the necessity for living thought in the teacher. It is only so far as he is intellectually alive that he can be effective in the wonderful process which we glibly call education.

I love this. Only so far as he is intellectually alive. So you need to make habits of feeding your own mind with these ideas through books or things or trying new things, learning new skills or habits so that you are growing your own mind and then you can pour that forth into your children. That's what makes you a living, growing human and that will inspire them as well to follow this kind of lifelong educational path.

The Danger of Education Without Ideas

Charlotte Mason said it is possible to pass even the university's local examinations with credit without ever having experienced that vital stir which marks the inception of an idea. And if we have succeeded in escaping this disturbing influence while we have finished our education, when we leave school, we shut up our books and our minds and remain pygmies in the dark forest of our own dim world of thought and feeling.

You can check off all the boxes and pass the tests and never have an idea that changes and shapes you as a person. And that is such a scary thought and such a grave defect of our modern industrialized educational system.

Charlotte Mason is advocating for something extremely different. By having the atmosphere be one that fosters connection and creativity and curiosity, by having routines and habits that make learning possible, by having living ideas coming through books and things, your children will constantly have these seeds of ideas planted into their minds that will grow and shape them as full people who, as Charlotte Mason uses this word I love so much, become magnanimous citizens.

She says, "How large is the room upon which their feet are set?" And you get to have the amazing opportunity to use those three tools of a Charlotte Mason education to provide your child with an amazingly large room full of beautiful, rich, good, and true ideas.

Get Started with These Tools

If you want to get started using these tools and you're like, I have no idea how to even start. And you want to bring some truth, goodness, and beauty into your homeschool day, I have a free morning time packet. All you have to do is scan that QR code. It's called Times of Togetherness. And there's some other fun activities in there as well to help your family develop the habit and the culture of coming together and looking at scripture, listening to hymns, looking at beautiful art and poetry to grow that goodness in your hearts and minds and to fill yourself with these living ideas.

So if you want to grab that, you can grab that there. I would also love to connect with you. My curriculum, A Gentle Feast, can be found at gentlefeast.com. I also have a podcast where I encourage modern homeschool moms to create a life and homeschool they love. It's called The Feast Life. You can find it in all the podcast platforms.

And then we also have a free Facebook group if you'd like to join. Just learn some more about this philosophy, connect with other like-minded moms. It's a really great, wonderful group of moms in that Facebook community called The Feast Life Community. Just search for them on Facebook and you will find us.

So, thank you so much for listening. I hope this is helpful. I hope you'll be able to look at your homeschool for next school year and say, "What kind of atmosphere am I creating? How can I use this tool of habits to make our days smoother and easier? And then what living ideas are coming forth from what I'm choosing to use in our homeschool? And am I feeding my children with the kind of rich ideas that their minds actually need to grow upon?" So, thank you so much for listening. I really appreciate it.

Learn how to incorporate the gifts of the Wise Men and act out the Nativity story together. Make Epiphany unforgettable with these fun and meaningful activities:

✅ Questions to ponder during the 12 days of Christmas until Epiphany

✅ 8 activities for families to celebrate Epiphany

✅ Feast of Epiphany ideas

✅ Create crafts like crown and star ornaments, stained glass windows, and glittery gifts

✅ Explore the symbolism of frankincense, myrrh, and gold with sensory activities

✅ Act out the Nativity story and discuss its significance with thought-provoking questions

✅ Discover global Epiphany traditions and bring them into your own celebration

Use coupon code to save 40% on Christmas Celebrations & Star of Bethlehem. Expires Friday, Dec 19.

Mentioned Links:

Christmas Celebrations Ebook - SAVE 40% with code: DEC19

Star of Bethlehem Family Bible Study Ebook - SAVE 40% with code: DEC19

Posts to Help with Epiphany:

Epiphany Traditions from our Family

Italian Feast of Epiphany

Show Notes:

What Is Epiphany and Why It Matters

Hey everyone, Kerry back here with Homeschool Coffee Break where we help you stop that overwhelm so you can actually have a coffee break. I actually have coffee with me today!

Today what we are going to be talking about is how you can celebrate Epiphany and some of y'all are going, I don't even know what you're talking about. What in the world is Epiphany? We're gonna talk about Epiphany, but what I want to do is give you some hands-on activities. I think I have eight or nine activities that you can use.

Because really, when this is published, we are smack dab in the middle of Christmas and New Year's. But there is something much more important than New Year's and that is the Feast of Epiphany on January 6th. That is almost a week away from when this is going to be published.

Let's talk about what Epiphany is, how it can affect your family, how you can raise your kids to understand it. Because let me tell you, I had no idea till my kids were almost in high school what Epiphany was, what that feast was, what that holiday was.

Understanding the 12 Days of Christmas

Epiphany is 12 days after Christmas. Ah, 12 Days of Christmas! It is not 12 days before Christmas—they are after Christmas. The Catholic church has a great handle on this and I am a Protestant and raise my kids in a Protestant church. And we don't, and I would like to help make a change with that because we need to give our kids the best Christian heritage.

They need to know their church history. They need to know their Christian heritage. And if we are only letting certain denominations do that, then we are doing a disservice to our children.

One of the things I have been thinking about just this past week, because I went to visit my middle daughter and her two grandkids, was what could I send to both the grandkid families to celebrate Epiphany. In the past, I've actually made 12 paper bags, like little brown paper bags, nothing big, to celebrate the 12 Days of Christmas.

Because if you don't know this, the 12 Days of Christmas have symbolism. You see, when it was written, people could not talk in public about Christ. So they wrote this song and they could sing the song because of the symbolism. Partridge in a pear tree—that's Jesus in the manger. The three French hens—that is God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. All 12 of them have significance. If you don't know what that is, then go and look. We've got a whole ebook about that and it'll be in the show notes.

Celebrating the Wise Men's Journey

But that is something I think is really important. What we want to focus on today is that 12th day, the day of Epiphany, the day we celebrate that the Wise Men followed the star and found Jesus. That was not in the manger. It was probably maybe a year or two later. And so we are going to celebrate that on January 6th.

What are some things that you could do to celebrate that?

Activity #1: Read and Study Matthew 2

First of all, you could read Matthew 2:1-12. There are nine clues about what is that star. If you need help, you can get our Star of Bethlehem study guide—it is in the show notes as well.

You could have your children copy all 12 verses. If they're young, one verse a day for 12 days. You could have them retell the story in their own words, narrate it back, or rewrite it in their own words. All of that based in Matthew 2:1-12.

Activity #2: Crown and Star Crafts

Another thing is you could do some crafts. You can make a crown craft. Let me tell you, my grandkids love all of that! You could cut out a crown and let them decorate it with jewels and stickers and whatever, put it on their head. And they can be, if you have three of them, they can be the three wise men. Even one of them—we don't know that there were just three, there were just three gifts, so we assume there were three wise men.

Another thing you could do is make a star ornament. And I will put a link in the show notes to some different star ornament things. It could be a black construction paper star and then put tissue paper inside of it with, what do you call that stuff, just a clear paper, and it will turn into a star stained glass. You can make a star out of foam and decorate it with glitter and jewels, whatever you want to do. There are lots of ways that you can make a star craft.

Activity #3: Explore the Wise Men's Gifts

Now let's move on. We've got: read the Bible first of all, number two: crafts. How about the Wise Men gifts? One of those gifts is frankincense. This is a bottle of frankincense oil. You could have your kids open it up, let them smell this. This is a healing oil, believe it. You may not believe in all the essential oils—this is a healing oil.

Myrrh—I didn't grab my myrrh, I have a myrrh oil—but let them smell that. Talk about the difference in the smells. What is it used for? Do some research on how do you use frankincense, how do you use myrrh.

Then the last gift is gold. Maybe do some research on the value of gold. How much does gold cost per ounce? What is the value of maybe a gold nugget? And start to bring it to real life today.

Activity #4: Act Out the Story

So we've got: read the Bible, crafts, we've got the three wise men gifts. You could have them act out the story. Maybe the adults read Matthew 2 and the kids act it out. Or maybe they get their own figurines. All my kids have all the Fisher Price people and we've got stuffed ones out there, we got plastic ones, we got all sorts of figurines for our nativity sets. Let them use that and let them retell the story, act it out.

Activity #5: Thought-Provoking Questions

Another thing might be just some thought-provoking questions. Here are three thought-provoking questions you could use:

What do you think it was like to travel so far to see Jesus? You couldn't get in a plane, you couldn't get in a car or a train. You had to go by camel. What was that like? And let them talk about that.

Why do you think the wise men brought gifts?

How can we worship Jesus today?

Those are just three quick questions. I'm sure there are plenty more, but those are some ones that you could use as you talk about this day of Epiphany.

Activity #6: Explore Traditions Around the World

Maybe look at what the traditions are around the world. In France, they have a king's cake and there's a ring inside that cake. Have a king's cake bake-off! Maybe let your kids all make cupcake king's cupcakes and have a bake-off and have a little judge who chooses first, second, third place.

In Spain, they have parades. Do some research and see what are the other traditions for Epiphany around the world.

Activity #7: Make Crown Cookies or Snacks

Another one of my favorite things, because it is food as we're talking about food, is to make some sugar cookies and cut them in the shape of a crown. I just bought this on Amazon years ago when I was having to do a lot of vacation Bible schools in the summertime and so I bought this.

Another thing you could do besides, you could do it in sugar cookies and then use sprinkles to decorate it. I actually this past fall, we cut cheese in the shape of a crown and used grapes to decorate it. We cut the grapes up, or blueberries, I don't know what it was, some kind of fruit. That was the healthy version of a crown snack.

Activity #8: Chalk the Door House Blessing

Another thing I just learned today is to have a house blessing. It is called Chalk the Door. Let's say there is a door here. You would write: 20+C+M+B+25. The 20 and the 25 are for 2025, that's the year we're in right now.

What is CMB? Christus mansionem benedicat. That means "May Christ bless this dwelling." You could actually take chalk and put that above your front door. That is something they've been doing for years. And that would be something—maybe even look at what these words mean in Latin: Christus, mansionem, benedicat. And look those up and find out how it all relates to "May Christ bless this dwelling."

Activity #9: The Feast of Epiphany with Oranges

And then the last one, one of my favorites—I don't really have anything here to help you—but the Feast of Epiphany: use those little oranges, what are those little, uh, clementines, whatever, the little ones. My kids get them in their stocking all the time. Oranges represent light. Who is the light of the world? Jesus!

And I have a whole blog post—I'm not going to go into it, you can go look at it—how you can create a Feast of Epiphany with a main dish, with an appetizer, with a fun dessert, yummy yummy, and then with the oranges as well. Because the oranges, open them up, they represent light.

Start Simple and Build Your Traditions

So those are just a few ways that you can celebrate Epiphany this year. None of them are extravagant. They are very simple, hands-on activities. You have almost a week—pick and choose one or two that you might want to do this year. And then next year you can do something different.

Now for some of you, you're like, "I need a little more help." We have some resources! One is our Christmas Celebrations ebook. It tells what all 12 days are symbolized for and gives you some ideas about the Feast of Epiphany. We have our Star of Bethlehem Bible study for families, and so you can go through that. That Bible study is really more for Epiphany than it is for Christmas because it was the star the Wise Men followed to find Jesus.

Also have a couple blog posts on Three Epiphany Traditions That We Did and our Italian Feast of Epiphany. So you can just look in the show notes to get all of those.

If you have other ideas, leave a comment wherever you are! And if they don't let you leave comments, please leave a five-star review for us—that would mean the world to me. Hey, I'm Kerry Beck with Homeschool Coffee Break. We'll talk to you next time!

Nadim shares honest insights about building math independence, the truth about screen time and dopamine, and why short explanations with lots of practice work better than long lectures that confuse kids.

In this episode:

✅Why 5-minute explanations with 25 minutes of practice beat 30-minute lectures every time

✅The truth about screen time, dopamine, and what's really damaging our kids

✅How adaptive questions meet your child at their level and bring them up (instead of widening the gap)

✅The freedom of K-12 access, anywhere/anytime learning, and a 12-month money-back guarantee

✅How CTC Math helps overwhelmed or unqualified moms outsource the teaching while staying the encourager

Ready to end the daily math battles?

Try CTC Math with their free trial at CTCMath.com—no credit card required, and full memberships come with a 12-month money-back guarantee!

Recommended Resource:

Free trial at CTCMath.com

Nadim El-Rahi serves as the COO and CMO of CTCMath, where he leads product development, marketing, and family engagement for one of the world’s most trusted online maths programs. With a background in mathematics, economics, and education, he works closely with homeschool parents to understand their day-to-day challenges and build tools that genuinely make learning easier. Nadim is passionate about helping kids develop confidence, mastery, and a love of learning through clear instruction and self-paced progression. Representing a program used by tens of thousands of families, he brings both practical experience and a heartfelt commitment to supporting parents in their mission to help their kids thrive academically and personally.

Follow Nadim and CTCMath on their social media accounts:

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Show Notes:

Welcome to Homeschool Coffee Break

Hey everyone, Kerry Beck here with Homeschool Coffee Break, where we help you stop the overwhelm so you can take a coffee break. I actually have coffee. Nadim's my guest today. He has coffee, too. We are ready.

Y'all don't know this—Nadim represents CTC Math, so it is 3 o'clock my time in the afternoon. He's over in New Zealand, so he's definitely getting his cup of coffee. I guess I'm getting my afternoon coffee, because it's morning time over there when we are recording this. I appreciate you just getting up and being available for us today.

We're going to talk about math, because I know that's a struggle for a lot of moms. They're not sure what to do, because if they're not a math person, they're just like, oh, here comes my math time.

Meet Nadim from CTC Math

Before we do, Nadim, could you just tell people a little bit about yourself with maybe CTC math?

Nadim: I appreciate that, Kerry. Well, I'm Nadim. I've been working at CTC Math for over 13 years now. I'm the COO here, with a special interest in mathematics and education, especially childhood all-rounded education, I would say.

CTC Math is an online math curriculum from K-12 with short, concise, to-the-point video tutorials.

When Math Time Feels Overwhelming

Let's just begin our time. We're going to get straight to it with math and some of the struggles that moms have, because some of them are overwhelmed, but some people just feel unqualified to even teach math. We either have the overwhelmed mom, we have the unqualified mom. What would you say to a mom who just dreads the part of her day that has to do with math?

Nadim: Great question, Kerry, and I would say that you're not alone. Math anxiety is common, even among parents who loved math at school.

I think we can shift the thinking, especially in today's day and age. There's a lot of outsourcing that can occur, and we can outsource those subjects that we don't particularly feel comfortable teaching, or want to teach, and then our goal as homeschoolers isn't to be the teacher as such, but to be the coach or encourager.

I think kids build independence through this process, and parents can really focus on guiding, rather than planning every step or teaching every concept.

That's such an important thing for each of us to decide. What are we going, as moms or dads, what are we going to actually teach, and then what can we use as resources? I'll be really honest. I loved math in high school. I was a math minor in college, and then we moved forward 20 or whatever years to homeschooling my kids in math.

When we got to high school math, I was like, I don't really like math as much as I used to. I loved teaching the elementary, I taught that and everything, but sometimes I got to the point—now, this was 20 years ago—I had to find things that would work with my kids and with me.

Building Habits and Routines for Consistency

I also had to build in habits and routines so that it would become consistent. From your experience, can you give us any habits or routines that might help kids stay consistent in their math without stressing through the whole homeschool time?

Nadim: Yeah, for sure. I'm a big fan of being consistent and implementing routines, but I will say each child is unique, and it's important to implement what's important for your child, knowing your child and their needs.

But I would generally say that it's better off having a little bit of math every day, rather than a whole day worth of math. You might integrate a short regular session, say 15 to 20 minutes long, more frequently, perhaps 4 or 5 days a week, rather than longer sessions on 1 or 2 days a week.

It is important to have that consistency, that time, and that time may alter on different days of the week, but you know in advance, or your children know in advance, they will be doing math at 10:30 on Wednesday, for instance.

I would also say that with consistency, there has to be structure. I heard a lot of people talk about rewards. I don't know if I'm a big fan of rewards. I don't know if rewarding your children for doing something that they should be doing is sending the right message.

But what I would say is that you can flip it. If there's something that they want to do, or something that they're requesting, or something that they're asking for, make sure that they do their math, or whatever chore, or whatever they're putting off, to unlock that thing that they wish to do next. That just teaches them a bit of order in life.

Again, each child's unique, your family situations are—you know your children best.

I think you're becoming my new best friend, because I love that, because I'm not like, yes, I think kids need to do things because they're expected, and that's just part of life and learning some self-discipline as well. Yet, you can build it into, you gotta finish all this, and then you go outside and play, or whatever the thing happens to be.

Supporting Busy Parents

I know moms get busy a lot of times, but yet they really want to support their kids in math, but they're busy with other subjects, or let's just face it, cooking 3 meals a day and trying to balance it. How do you encourage parents to support their kids in math in that situation?

Nadim: I think there's a few things here. I think we need to encourage independence. And how do we do that? Well, we need a structure or a framework for that. We need a system for them to use and adapt that will promote that. If the current system is not creating that environment, you may need to look at alternatives.

I'm going to talk a little bit about CTC Math here, because it really does lend in with the busy parents. If you've got video tutorials that explain each and every concept, if you've got automated reporting and questions and grading, if you can set tasks in advance, then receive the reports to ensure the accountability is there, then checking math doesn't become a 30, 60-minute exercise. It becomes a 5-minute exercise.

You're just there to add the polish, to add the encouragement. Perhaps if there's a certain concept that they're struggling with, show them how to unlock or view additional material.

It's really about that structure. If you've got the structure in place, it allows for independent learning. Now, at the same time, if they go quiet for weeks, you need to check in, because sometimes they've gone, well, if I don't bother mom or dad about this, they're not going to bother me about this. They're very clever. Our kids are super clever. We also need to have those frequent check-ins when they're not checking in with us.

Building Independence and Critical Thinking

I love that independence work. You may not know this about me, but I teach moms about leadership education and learning independence and critical thinking skills, and that they eventually—I mean, okay, a 5-year-old may need a lot more help than a 15-year-old, but by the time they're in high school, they should be working independently, and they should even be helping plan their week, I believe, so that they can actually be able to launch into adulthood and know how to live a life.

I love that independence, and I did not know about CTC Math back in 2004, 5, 6, when my kids were teenagers. So I did go find something that helped them, and that would do those short little lessons, because that's what would help be consistent in there as well.

You want moms to be intentional, but they don't want to—this is the other thing with leadership education, you don't want to just be checking off a bunch of boxes and moving forward, because you need to think about the full realm, and are you really raising your child educationally and intentionally? How would that translate for homeschool moms or families so they're not just checking off the boxes?

Every Moment is Teachable

Nadim: I think if you're going with the mindset that everything is a teachable moment, that really resets your thinking. Even the good is teachable. The bad is great, because that's teachable.

I'll share a bit of a personal story. My eldest daughter, she's 9, and she is very smart, and has a great sense of justice, but to the point where it overrides charity. She thinks that if someone else is being mean, she has the right to be mean back, because that's what they deserve.

We were having this conversation, and it really offended my wife and I that we've got a child who's not the kindest. But we both realized that this is actually great, because no child is perfect, everyone has character defects. I wasn't working on my character defects until my 20s.

But this ability to see that you can help your children as soon as possible, and I think that's very much not checking the box. If we go in with this attitude of teachable moments, that is great. That, of course, extends to math as well.

I would say that checking a box is very easy in math. Even we think, if we get a long 40-minute lesson, and we get a 20- or 30-minute explanation with just 10 minutes of practice, the 5-minute explanation with that 25 minutes of practice, or 35 minutes worth of practice, is far more effective.

Often, the long, drawn-out explanation confuses the child. Less is more.

We can have a mastery approach in our teaching of our children, where they build up their skill, but then incorporate spiral review, perhaps on a Thursday or a Friday, and have that combination going. But if we teach too many concepts at once, if we don't go with that mastery explanation, the children are drowning in it.

Again, that's not to dismiss spiral learning. You can have the spiral review once a week.

I love that, and I think that's—we think like moms. They start talking and teaching, and they're thinking, the more I talk and the more I teach, the more my kids are going to learn, and that is not happening. I love this idea of a 5-minute explanation, and then let them put it into practice.

I'm a big believer in mastery, especially in math, because if they don't master a concept, you don't just keep checking the boxes and moving on to the next concept. You've got to make sure they understand it, because it all builds on each other. I just thank you for sharing that. I think that is so important, and the idea of the spiral and the review of past concepts as well.

Real Stories of Changed Confidence

I want to talk about CTC, but before we do, can you just share a story of a homeschool family, maybe, who saw some real change in their child's math confidence or results, and what made that difference?

Nadim: Yeah, we've got quite a few stories, actually. Amber springs to mind. She's been using CTC Math with her nine children for quite a while now. But I think the theme that comes through, and we've got countless testimonials on our website, if you go to our website and click what others say, you'll be forever scrolling.

But I think that the consistent theme that comes through is that the daily battles have not completely ended. They never do. We've always got daily battles. But certainly when it comes to math, they're not what they used to be, and the tears are no more.

It can become incredibly stressful when you're trying to teach something and it's just not getting through. I think that stress builds up between parent and child over time, and the starting point of that stress on a given day is at a higher point.

I think removing those daily battles comes through, and they're real stories that we consistently get. Our mission is to have a positive impact on as many families as possible through the enjoyment and learning of math. We hope that we continue to help confidence grow in these children.

Well, I personally have not used it because my grandkids, they're doing other—they're little—but the families I talk to that use CTC Math, it is amazing. They're just like, oh no, this is what we're using, and we are going to keep going.

Learning at Their Own Pace

I know one of the things, and I like this, is that you want to let children learn at their own pace through the videos and the questions and everything. How does that structure of letting them learn at their own pace support both the parent and the kids in a homeschool?

Nadim: Well, the heavy lifting's done for you, so no explanations are required. Those video tutorials are there, so you don't have to do that heavy lifting.

I would also say that whether the child's 5 or 18, they're able to access the material themselves. If they can't read, the questions are read out to them. They watch a video tutorial, get a short, concise explanation. They jump to the interactive questions that are adaptive in nature. They change in difficulty level based on the student's ability, your child's ability. So they go up.

Sometimes what happens when we learn from a textbook or a non-adaptive material is that the child's ability might be here, and the questions are here. The questions get gradually more difficult, but the child's ability doesn't improve, because they're just not getting it, so the gap widens.

What's really important is that the questions meet the child at their level, and bring them up. That's what we do with the adaptive style questions.

There are also—we for sure promote pen and paper math, so we want children to have pen and paper in front of them. There's printables that they can have, and we've got that spiral review with the weekly revisions and the diagnostic tests.

There's also a whole bunch of great features that automate this whole process and help busy moms with that structure. You pick and choose the tools that best suit your family's needs. That's really important. You don't go in using all the tools of CTC Math, because it would be overwhelming.

But you pick the ones that you need, whether it's setting tasks, and you can set an entire year's worth of tasks through a couple of clicks of a button. You can create custom worksheets. You can choose and select the various reports that you want. You can use the diagnostics to go back and fill those gaps.

Math is a building block. If there are holes, we need to go back and review them. Because you have access from kindergarten to calculus, you can identify and pinpoint previous lessons. But at the same time, if your child's doing really well, why hold them back? Let them go on, let them continue at their own pace.

Yeah, that's what I was thinking. It sounds like such a great fit, because some kids are really going to struggle, and they need those questions brought down a little till they actually understand the concept, and then other kids are getting it like this, and they just need to move on forward.

Addressing Screen Time Concerns

I know this program's all online, so if you have parents, maybe, that are like, I'm not sure about an online math program, what would you say to them? What are some benefits? I know I work with some parents, they don't want their kid on the computer all day long, but there are, like you said, you pick and choose where mom's going to actually be teaching face-to-face, and then where kids are. What would be the benefits of doing an online program?

Nadim: Yeah, and Kerry, I'll start by saying that my kids are 9, 7, and 5. No one has an iPad, no one has their own personal device, no one has a computer, and no one will be getting any of those for some time.

We do have a computer in a public space that every family member has access to and uses. I am very strongly against the social media for my children, and anything that is addictive in nature. Anything that was built to be addictive.

I don't know if it's the screen time that impacts the child. I don't know if it's looking in front of a screen. I think it is, if it's for hours and hours and hours, don't get me wrong. But I think the thing that's doing the most damage is what's impacting the kid's dopamine levels.

Everything is built to be addictive these days. Even I see a lot of ed tech companies now switching and going, oh, let's build avatars, let's unlock missions, let's have stars and this and that, and let's play with the kids' dopamine levels so that we keep them on. There's language programs out there for kids and adults that are a perfect example of this.

I would say that I am concerned too. CTC Math is built to improve student outcomes. It's not built to keep your child on the screen any longer than they need to, to learn that concept and understand that concept.

We do have some levels of encouragement, but it's not to the level of keeping them hooked. That is really, really important. Anything that is addictive should not be placed in front of our children.

I'll give you a very simple example as well. Kids' attention spans are getting shorter and shorter and shorter. If we go back to when I used to watch TV, which wasn't that long ago, I would have to sit through commercials. I would have to sit through some boring commercials, while watching one episode.

Now, kids, through online streaming, can watch an episode commercial-free. The other thing was, I'd have to wait one whole week to see the next episode. So there's some resilience, there's some patience built in there. Perhaps TV wasn't the best thing. It wasn't as bad and as addictive as it is now.

Now, children can watch an entire season in a day! What took us 6 months? They're consuming in a day or two. This is the real problem. This is what we have to look at and really assess.

Now, I would 100% respect anyone that doesn't think screen time is a good fit for their children, and I think pen and paper style math is a great way. But then, it comes with its—who does the teaching? Because the child cannot learn reading a textbook. It does not work. You can't read math and absorb that information.

The other thing is, with technology these days, the things have advanced, so these adaptive questions are very powerful, because they really do build confidence. They're not seeing anything too difficult, and they're not seeing anything too easy. So, their attention is constantly switched on, and they're constantly learning at the same time.

A lot of pros and cons. We gotta balance these things out, we gotta take it all in, and we gotta make an evaluation for our family.

The Anxious Generation and Screen Time

You just spoke my language, especially when you brought up dopamine and the addiction, and I read a book I guess this summer, called The Anxious Generation. I mean, there are a few little things I didn't agree with them, but so much—I was a child of the 60s, and when you see that playground, and the kids are hanging off these metal things that our parents—parents today, or helicopter parents, they're like, we never let them, gotta have a safety net.

It was so good. That's a whole other conversation, but I do want to just reiterate, we need to be careful with what we put in front of our kids and screens.

I was a little concerned, because I have an older granddaughter, not a teenager, but for some reason, I thought my daughter had said, oh, I think we might give her a phone, and in my head, I'm like—and I brought the conversation up this summer, and she was like, oh, no, Mom, and we're not having social media either. I mean, they need to be almost out of the house, which gave me a lot of peace and comfort, because I just was like, so it just made me feel good that we were all on the same page.

That's a whole other story, but thank you for bringing up the dopamine. I do think there's a difference, and I interviewed someone else, and she was saying all screens aren't bad. It's the ones that are addictive, the ones that are gamifying everything, and that's the thing. She started talking more about the brain and the mind and all of that kind of stuff, which made me remember that online teaching can be good, and it can be a tool, and it can help lessen the overwhelm of everything that a mom's doing, because you can't do it all, even though people may say that.

The Freedom CTC Math Provides

The other thing I've been curious about, CTC talks about giving families freedom to sort of fit math into their unique schedule, handle catch-up or advancement, the kid that's struggling, the kid's moving ahead, and then monitoring. Can you just tell us a little bit about how that works?

Nadim: Yes, so access from kindergarten to calculus, so your children can go in to any grade level that they need help with. That's super important for flexibility, because you don't want them at a level that they're not ready for.

Also, you can do it anywhere, anytime. We hear of families who are sitting in the doctor's waiting room with their device, and watching the video tutorials with some headphones, and completing the questions. We're actually very popular in the RV community.

RV families will always have an internet connection, because they're always on the road. All you need is an internet connection. There's countless testimonials, and countless photos of people doing CTC Math in the greatest places, in front of nature.

It really is, and if you miss a lesson, or you want to catch up on the summer slide, it's always available for you. And again, if they're doing really, really well, move them ahead. Just continue on to the next lesson.

Parents can adjust tasks and skip topics once they're mastered, and there's real-time progress. You also have access—a family plan gives you access to all your children. There's no cap on it, as long as they live under your home. So that makes it very easy.

That sounds great. If a family is interested, they just want to be introduced to CTC Math in their homeschool, what would you suggest for them?

Nadim: Yeah, two things. One, visit our website, and there's a free trial. No commitment, no credit card. It is a light version, a guest version, and that's because, two, a full membership comes with a 12-month money-back guarantee, so there's no questions asked.

If you try CTC Math, and it doesn't work for you and your family, send us an email, give us a call, we'll refund your payment, no questions asked. This is because we do not want you using a curriculum or a program that is not benefiting your child. We don't want to be a roadblock for you to move on to something else.

We asked parents, what's your biggest concern when selecting math curriculum? And it was that it won't work, and I'm stuck with it for the entire year. It shouldn't be like that. We need to support the greater cause, we need to push the cart in the same direction.

I don't say CTC Math is 100% fit for everyone, because each child is unique and different, and there's plenty of wonderful tools out there. There really is. It's amazing. Across all subjects. So there's something more important at play, and we would say that we believe that CTC Math certainly works for the vast majority. But please reach out if it's not for you.

That's so good. Remind everyone what your website is, and we will put that in the show notes as well.

Nadim: Yeah. CTCMath.com. Cut through curriculum. CTCMath.com.

That is awesome. Thank you so much for being here today. Just in closing, is there anything that you would like to leave us with?

Nadim: Keep up the good work. It's amazing that we are the primary educators of our children. That is so important. It's something so special. Keep up the good work.

That sounds great. Thank you, Nadim. I really appreciate you spending time with us today.

Ready to end the daily math battles? Try CTC Math with their free trial at CTCMath.com—no credit card required. Full memberships come with a 12-month money-back guarantee, no questions asked. Visit the website today and see how short video tutorials, adaptive questions, and automated grading can transform math time in your homeschool!

In this episode, we're exploring the rich history of Advent from the 5th-6th centuries and practical ways to make space for Christ in your family this season. Let’s face it …the real crisis isn't a busy December—it's a Christ-less Christmas.

In this episode:

✅What is Advent and how you can celebrate as a family

✅Why the first 2 weeks focus on reflection while the last 2 focus on celebration

✅How to prepare room in your heart, schedule, and family for Jesus (not just more activities)

✅Why hope in Jesus is confident expectation, not just wishful thinking

✅Practical ways to anticipate Christ's coming like you'd prepare for honored house guests

✅Beautiful traditions using Advent candles, scripture readings, and family devotions

Ready to make Advent meaningful? Use the Advent resources below to help your family prepare room for Jesus!

Recommended Resources

Christmas Celebrations Bundle (SAVE $10 with code: DEC10 )

Advent Tool Kit (SAVE $10 with code: DEC10 )

Star of Bethtlehem ebook

Christmas Celebrations ebook

Christmas Around the World ebook

Jotham’s Journey

O Come, O Come Emmanuel

Show Notes:

What Is Advent?

Advent means arrival and anticipation. We're going to talk more about this in Tuesday's class, but I want to give you some background.

Back in the 5th-6th centuries, the church celebrated Advent in a specific way. The first two weeks of Advent, the church would reflect on the Second Coming. Disciples would chasten their hearts, confess sins, and spend time hoping for the quick coming of the Lord. It was a time of reflection and fasting.

The last two weeks of Advent would then transition to focus on the first coming—Christ in the manger. This was a time of feasting.

Advent and Christmas are never held as a full re-enactment of the life of Christ but point to our place between the Resurrection and Second Coming.

How Do You Walk Through Advent?

I'm going to share ideas over the four weeks of Advent, but today I want to talk about making space for Christ.

There's a book called "Make Space for Christ" by Susan Narjala, and the concept comes from that line in the Christmas carol: "Let every heart prepare Him room." But how do we actually do that?

The Crisis of a Christ-Less Christmas

We face a crisis of a Christ-less Christmas. We forget the guest of honor—Jesus. We get so wrapped up in gifts, we forget to unwrap the greatest gift of all.

The antithesis of fearing God isn't offending Him or denying Him or omitting Him. It's forgetting God. Luke 3:4-6 talks about preparing the way of the Lord.

Anticipation Is Key

Think about how you prepare for house guests. It takes time, right? So does preparing for or anticipating the feast of Christmas.

You clean the house, you clean the bedrooms. You make sure your guests will be comfortable. You get rid of unnecessary items in the guest room. You declutter. In the same way, we need to confess sin and make room in our hearts.

Psalm 27 says, "One thing I seek, to dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life to meditate..." Sometimes you need to rearrange the room if necessary—get rid of toys, add water bottles, clean towels. Rethink, rearrange, and refocus so Christ has room in your family.

We're anticipating the second coming of Christ as well. Growing up, we would read the Christmas story on Christmas Eve. Now I do Advent candles each week along with Advent Bible reading or Jotham's Journey.

When you greet and treat guests with love, it's not because you have to. You get to. You want to.

Is There Room for Jesus?

Is there room in your heart for Jesus? Is there room in your schedule for Jesus? Is there room in your family for Jesus?

We need to re-prioritize. We need to respond in AWE to God's amazing love. Matthew 6:33 says, "Seek first the kingdom of God."

Hope: The First Candle in Advent

In America, we use the word "hope" to mean "wish." But in Jesus, hope means expecting Him—confident expectation. It's not just a wish that God is here or that Jesus saves. It's confident expectation.

Think about the line from O Holy Night that you could use for copywork, dictation, or a short discussion about "thrill of hope":

O Holy Night!

The stars are brightly shining

It is the night of the dear Savior's birth!

Long lay the world in sin and error pining

Till he appear'd and the soul felt its worth.

A thrill of hope the weary soul rejoices

For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn!

We're still waiting for His coming again—the second coming. We're still weary from the world, from personal issues.

Isaiah 40:31 talks about waiting on the Lord. Think about O Come Emmanuel—Israel hoped and waited 400 years. You can find more about this at howtohomeschoolmychild.com/o-come-o-come-emmanuel.

Waiting on God

We wait on God. I have a family devotion story about this. I'm still waiting on God to move in Steve's life.

Kid-Friendly Ideas

You can make this kid-friendly using fabric or plastic figures. At Faith Passages, we actually acted it out with the kids.

Ready to make Advent meaningful in your home? Download the free Advent resources and O Come Emmanuel study at HowToHomeschoolMyChild.com/o-come-o-come-emmanuel to help your family prepare room for Jesus. Learn practical ways to celebrate hope, peace, joy, and love while pointing your children to both Christ's first coming and His return!

Jamie shares honest wisdom about slowing down, renewing your mind when life feels chaotic, and using beautiful visual reminders to help your kids focus on hope, peace, joy, and love throughout December.

In this episode:

✅Advent family ideas for creating physical and mental space to prepare your heart for Jesus

✅Why traditions aren't just activities—they're cornerstones that help kids remember what matters

✅How to interrupt negative thought patterns and renew your mind with God's truth (Romans 12:2)

✅Beautiful Advent card traditions using hope, peace, joy, and love to teach kids to wait well

✅Why your kids don't need you to be perfect—they need to see an imperfect person walking with God

Ready to make Advent meaningful this year? 

Check out Jamie's beautiful Advent cards and devotionals at her Etsy shop or jamiesuel.com—perfect for creating visual reminders that bring your family back to Jesus all season long!

Jamie and her husband of 31 years homeschooled their 5 children who are now all adults. She now has the joy of being Grandma to 3 precious little ones!

"I spent the first part of my journey of motherhood stressed trying to do it perfectly. I am now seeking to live authentically with my children, and others, so they can know the deep love of the amazing God who created them for purpose in His world. I really want the people in my life to know that!"

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Mentioned Resource:

Prepare Him Room Advent Digital Prints

Show Notes:

Welcome and Friendship Story

Hello, everyone! This is Kerry Beck with Homeschool Coffee Break, where we help you stop the overwhelm so you can take a coffee break. We are here with one of my very best friends, Jamie, and I don't say that lightly. I don't know how long we've known each other, 20 or 30 years. It's been a long time. We actually live in the same town, and y'all are in for a treat today.

Seriously, Jamie and I—her kids are all adults now, but when her oldest was about 3, and her second one was about 1, she would come over for Bible study, and my kids were, like, 5 to 10, or somewhere in there, and they would play with her little kids, just so we could have some quiet time at the dining room table, and we could read God's Word, and we could pray together, and it's just been a blessing ever since.

Meet Jamie Suel

Tell us a little bit about you and what you're doing right now.

Jamie: Yeah, so we homeschooled throughout, there were different seasons when we did different versions of school. We served as missionaries in Kenya for a period of time, and so we homeschooled there, and just all different things with homeschooling.

When we came back from serving overseas in Kenya, we began working with missionaries and doing security. My husband has a law enforcement background, and then I just had such a heart—I discovered on the field, actually, that my heart was to actually care and come alongside missionaries.

In Kenya, I got to work with the homeschooling—so many people have to homeschool in Kenya, or when they're overseas—and so I got to work with them and helping them gather all their supplies, which is so fun. It's like getting to kind of spend other people's money. And create fun plans.

I also just really love art, and that's kind of what I think prompted this time. Art is something that really ministers to me and helps me connect with the Lord. Also, bringing His truth into that is really important to me, so I feel like creating safe places where people can just slow down, get off the hamster wheel, and encounter the Lord, and create a joyful way forward. That's kind of my thing. That's really what I love.

Five kids, they're all grown.

Yeah, she's got grandkids. We're just sort of moving on in life. Before we talk about the art, I would like to spend a little bit of time talking about Advent, because I know you and I are on the same page, everyone's so busy. We're heading into—this is gonna publish right before Thanksgiving. We are in the busy season of the year.

What Slowing Down for Advent Looks Like

What does slowing down for Advent look like to you, personally?

Jamie: I love that. As I was thinking about coming on and talking with you about Advent today, I was trying to think, yes, today, it looks much different than it did when I had littles. But even when I had littles, there's something about the Advent season that is just really special.

It is a time when the whole purpose of it is to focus us in on the Savior and His coming, to prepare for Him, and prepare our hearts for Him. For me now, currently, it looks like having special time—my reading changes, my focus kind of changes a little bit more on that, what were the prophecies? How did Jesus fulfill it? What does peace look like?

This is where I was thinking about being a mom of littles. It's hard to slow down, especially in this season. So, I think, yes, there is a sense of slowing down. Like, I said no to a conference that I would really love to be at, but I know that if I go to that conference, that I will—I won't have any margin.

I value that in this season, because I know it's gonna ramp up. Naturally, there's gonna be things going on, there's gifts and gatherings, and things like that. So, it's more about, like, okay, what can I calm, because I know this season is going to be more busy, what can I calm?

I really try to be really intentional about November, December, whatever I can, slow down in my calendar. But then also, I think, just with being intentional with Advent, it's how do I slow down my mind? That not everything is the most urgent. Not everything is priority number one, but what is it that is the work for the day?

Primarily, how do I engage my mind in keeping my eyes on Him? Really, we all want to make this season about Him.

That's so good. I know you've used the phrase, creating spaces, which is sort of what you're talking about here. We need to slow down to spend time with God.

Creating Space to Encounter God

What does creating space so you can encounter God, what does that look like maybe now, or what did that look like when your kids were at home and you were homeschooling?

Jamie: Yes, immediately, I thought of a moment when all the kids were little, I think we didn't even have our fifth kid at the time, and I just remember that after the kids would go to bed, I would sit by the tree, by the light of the tree, and just be still. Even if it was just for 5 minutes, just really being still and looking at the tree, there's something just so beautiful about that.

Another thing I really love to do is to—when we have a fireplace, I love having a fire going in the fireplace, and we live in Texas, so sometimes that's just too hot, but now you have apps on the TV. My kids laugh at me, but I really will, I'll keep that going throughout the day, because when I see it, it just kind of reminds me of, I can calm down.

I think creating space is, yes, creating it physically. So, when my family was young, we would have book corners where there were Christmas books, or we'd have soft music playing in the background, soft Christmas music, we still do that.

Read-alouds, oh my gosh. One of our favorite read-alouds, my kids still ask me to read it to them at Christmas time, is "The Best Christmas Pageant Ever."

Oh my gosh!

Jamie: Oh, it makes me cry every year at that book, and it just is such a reminder of why Christ came and how he loves everyone, and even those little Herdmans. Especially those little Herdmans.

I think that's part of it, is like, okay, if I'm gonna create space for Him, I'm just being intentional, I'm being aware of what are the things in my home. How can I create little places? We were a one income family, my husband was a police officer, and you just kind of—how can I get creative with this space? How can I take what I have and make it a little more meaningful?

I think the things that we came back to year after year were the read-alouds. The Christmas book corner was a big thing, and the traditions of when we put up our Christmas tree, we'd do hot cocoa.

I know I'm talking more about traditions and things like that, but I think it is all connected, in that I'm creating space for these holiday traditions. So in the same way I do that, I do that with the Lord. I'm creating intentional time to think about Him, to prepare room in my heart and in my home to celebrate.

That's so good, because that's what Advent is about. We think Advent is a whole bunch of activities, and then we have Christmas, and yet it's all about preparing our hearts, slowing down, even times of reflection and confession. I wasn't that great at teaching my kids that.

I feel like I've learned a whole lot more once my kids have left, and yet we did do things, and traditions may sound like, oh, traditions, but they're sort of like cornerstones or something, where it's like, oh, yeah, it's time for this, and my kids have carried on some of those same traditions as well, which is sort of exciting to see.

Best Christmas Pageant Ever, that's a great book. One that we read several times is Jotham's Journey.

Jamie: Yeah, you gave me that one.

I know, I'm sort of thinking that Ashley's kids would be ready. She asked me when they were, like, 5. I was like, that may be a little scary for them, I don't know. But Advent is more about us preparing our hearts for Jesus and the celebration of His coming.

Renewing Your Mind When Life Feels Hurried

The other idea, I know you've mentioned in Romans 12, too, is transformed by the renewing of our mind. What practices help you renew your mind when life feels hurried and crazy, and we need to slow down, but we also really do need to renew our mind?

Jamie: Yes, I think that is something I'm so passionate about. The first thing that comes to my mind, and the word that jumps out to me is awareness. I was talking with one of my daughters just today, and I just was hearing her say some things, like, I can't, you know, whatever.

I just said, you know, every time you're saying that, you're driving—talk about neural pathways, right? You're reinforcing that belief, and that's not what God says about you. We need to be rehearsing what God says about us.

If I could say anything about transforming our minds, this is where I've really been camped out recently in my own life. My husband and I both—catching—I think about that verse in Song of Solomon, catch the little foxes for us, the ones that ruin the vineyard. But it's catching those thoughts as I'm saying them, becoming more aware of, I'm having this negative thought, that's a lie, because I think we're just so used to it that we're used to that tape in our head.

We've got to stop that. We have to cut it short, so we have to engage in that, and becoming aware, oh, that's a lie. That's not how God would talk to me. That's not what He would say about me. And then, speaking that truth out loud.

I think that is one of the biggest ways. To know His truth, to know what God would say about us, we have to spend time with Him. We have to be in His Word, and hearing His voice, and listening for Him, and looking for Him.

We only get to know someone through time spent. I can know about you, Kerry, I can read about you, but I have spent time with you, and I know your heart. I know what—if someone said, oh, Kerry said this, I'd be like, that doesn't really sound like something Kerry would say, because I know you.

That's so important. It's so interesting, because I had Bible study this morning. I listened—it was a crazy morning, but I was listening to a podcast on the Word and how we need to take the Word out of the corner of our life and put it in the center of our life, which is truth.

Then I go up to Bible study, and I'm meeting with the leaders, and we pray before our Bible studies, the leaders do, and, like, 3 of them kept using the word, the Word, and how important the Word is, because it is the truth. When we spend time with God and His Word, it makes me think of being in the presence of the Lord, which brings us joy, and then the joy of the Lord is our strength.

In the presence of God, if you are stressed and overwhelmed, you may need to quit doing all that, spend time with God, because that is where true joy is. It will also give you strength, because the joy of the Lord is our strength.

Jamie: Yes! I just want to, on a super practical level, when we interrupt those tapes, because those lies and those negative thoughts, they keep us in this kind of anxious mindset. But when we stop and we remind ourselves the truth, and I'm really big about—I'll say it out loud, because I want to hear it. I think it's really helpful.

If I could go back and talk to my younger self as a young mom who thought she had to do everything perfectly, what I would now tell her is, oh, Jamie, your kids don't need you to be perfect. They need you to show them what it's like to be an imperfect person walking with God, receiving forgiveness, learning, growing, they need to see your process.

I just felt like I had to do it all perfectly. But anyway, so being able to interrupt that and focus on the truth, and focus on what is real, actually helps us think more clearly. God wired us so cool. When we calm down and fix our eyes on Him, when we're in that place of peace with Him, and just in our minds, we think more clearly. We're able to make better decisions!

It really is true, and y'all have heard me talk about some of this, and changing those neurons, and changing—get the lies out of your head and replace them with truth.

Beautiful Advent Card Traditions

We're going to move on to Advent, and since I brought up the idea, I am just going to show you this beautiful artwork that she did. She gave me a set of these for Christmas last year, and this card, and then on the back is the third Sunday of Advent, and has verses and things for you to talk about. There's one for all four weeks of Advent, so I would love to just know what inspired you to create these cards.

Jamie: Yeah. So, like I said, I love art, I feel like it's the way I connect with the Lord, and we do support-raised ministry, and so every year, I do send to friends and family, and also our supporters, a gift that I've created.

I just had it on my heart. Growing up, our church always did the Advent candles. You light one every Sunday. Well, the church we're at now doesn't really do that, and I was missing that tradition.

I just kept thinking about the four Sundays. I was like, I really would love to create something like that, because one of my favorite things is creating spaces of reflection and places of encounter with the Lord. I just started painting, based on the four Sundays of Advent, and the Isaiah 9:6, the four names of Jesus—the Wonderful Counselor, the Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace—and I wanted to coordinate those.

I bought these on Amazon, because I wanted them to be reusable, and I wanted them to be able to stay lit the whole time and not burn down. So, I've got my little set here. I painted these, and I'm going to show you the originals, but the first Sunday, and each one—with the set that I sent you, I did do the devotionals on the back, but just because of the way the print system works, I created a download that has the different Sundays, and also there's a QR code for the playlist and everything.

But every week, there's some scripture to read, there's a reflection, there's a pause and pray time, and a worship section. But I kept them intentionally very brief, because I wanted them to be doable and accessible, because that's creating spaces. It is a busy time, but I thought if you can engage with it on Sunday, and then you see the card throughout the week, it's reminding you of that, and bringing you back to it.

Starting with hope. That's the first Sunday. We always put up our Christmas tree the first weekend after Thanksgiving, and it's just kind of all my kids love it, they want to be a part of picking the tree, and all those things, and putting it up. It's just kind of the anticipation of the season, and so for me, I painted a Christmas tree because that's what it is for me.

The second candle that goes along with the candles is peace, and just the peace that Jesus brings to the world, and so, of course, I thought of a dove, and green always just kind of reminds me of peace.

Third Sunday is joy, and this is the shepherd's candle. It's the pink candle, because it's like a break in the advent of celebratory. The shepherds received this great news, and I did a wreath, because that just seemed festive and fun, and I love wreaths.

The last one is the love candle, and Jesus is the Prince of Peace, and he's just the light of the world. This one is signifying the love of God demonstrated by sending His Son.

They are beautiful. I am blessed that I get her little artwork, but I had these, like, I sit at this table when I read my Bible, when I pray in the morning, and there's a little thing I could set them on, and they were just so—one, they're beautiful, and we should teach our kids to appreciate beauty, and your kids may not be able to paint something like this, but they should be able to appreciate that as well.

Teaching Kids to Wait Well

The other thing I wondered about—Advent is all about waiting and anticipation for Christmas, and most of our kids are all waiting and anticipating, what gifts am I going to get under the Christmas tree? We need to sort of rework their brain. How could moms use these cards to teach their kids to wait well and focus on Jesus?

Jamie: Yeah, so there are several different—there are the hard copy cards, but also in my shop, there's a digital download that comes with the thing, and so you get all four on one page, and it's yours once you download it.

One of the thoughts I had was, wouldn't it be fun to shrink them down, to print multiples, and that each kid could kind of collect their Advent card every Sunday? So you could have the big one on the table, or in your room where you do homeschool, or whatever, but then they could have their own in their room.

Another way I thought of engaging with this for the waiting, specifically, is it's just a way to slow down and to take a moment. Typically you would do these on Sundays, because if you're lighting the Advent candles, but you can do them whenever. But the point is to do them, and then to keep it visible throughout the week, and you can re-engage.

Just having something visual helps you remember and re-engage. One of my thoughts was, if you printed it out—one of my favorite traditions that we did at Thanksgiving was this Thanksgiving box. I think you even told me about it. But every year you would write down what the person is thankful for, each week of that year, and you'd write it down at the table as you prepared for Thanksgiving. We love going back and reading those. It's so fun!

So one of my thoughts was they could print this off, because you can print off as many as you want, every year you could do this. On the back of that card, you can put the child's name and what they hope for, what peace means to them that year, what joy, what love, or how does Jesus demonstrate hope, peace, love, joy, whatever. Whatever questions your creative minds come up with.

Write that down on the back, and keep it as a keepsake of every year coming back to, oh, remember when you were four, and you said that, so fun. But yeah, just it's just a way to engage and slow down and have that visual reminder of what Christmas is about.

Again, they're brief devotionals. I just want to tell you one part of that is, taking time to breathe. Every time I come into my time with the Lord, I just take some deep breaths, and now, it's like it's trained my brain, retrained my brain to, when I sit down in my chair, I automatically get calm, because I know that's what I'm about to do.

It's just a way to help your kids learn, breathe, we're just gonna be with the Lord, and so there's prompts for that in there as well.

That's so good. Jamie's a wealth of information, and more importantly, a wealth of encouragement in the Lord, and I am just so grateful to be able to call her my friend, and thankful for these. I know these cards could bless, so if people are interested in maybe finding out more about how to get some of these cards, where's the best place for them to go?

Jamie: Yeah, so I have an Etsy shop. I opened an Etsy shop because my friend Kerry told me I should. I have an Etsy shop, and then I also have a website, jamiesuel.com, but the Etsy shop is where you can find the Advent package.

Final Encouragement

That's awesome. Advent's really important to me. I didn't grow up celebrating Advent, our kids did more so. It's been just on my heart to be able to provide different tools, and every family's different in what they want to do, and seasons of life, what you do when they're 2, 3, and 4 might look different than when they're 12, 13, or 14.

I love the idea of printing these out every single year, and then writing—letting the kids write something on the back for that year. What great memories! I wished I had written down all the things that our kids said thank you for. Maybe I need to get started with it. I've given them all a gratitude journal, but I don't know what all has been in there.

Thank you for being here. Is there anything you'd like to leave our listeners and viewers with?

Jamie: The thing that just jumped out of my mind was just how much God loves you and wants to be with you. I think going back and being able to talk to my younger self when I was a young mom, I think the thing I would have wanted to hear and be reminded of is that He loves your kids, he's got your kids, and also that we can't give away what we don't have.

I spent so much time trying to be perfect for them, when now I know, I wish I would have just been able to bring them along in the journey with me a little bit more. But yes, this is to share with your families, absolutely, but my prayer is that you will engage it for yourself, because He loves you and wants your heart, and that will spill over to your children.

The peace in your heart will spill over to your children, and to your husband, your families, and friends.

Thank you for carving time. I'm not going to say anything, because that was so good. Thank you for just spending time with us and pulling aside some time from your day. I really appreciate it, Jamie.

Jamie: Oh, I loved it. Thank you for having me.

Ready to make Advent meaningful this year? Check out Jamie's beautiful Advent cards featuring original paintings of hope (Christmas tree), peace (dove), joy (wreath), and love (light of the world). Each includes brief devotionals, reflection questions, and worship prompts perfect for busy families. Find them at her Etsy shop or visit jamiesuel.com to bring visual reminders of Jesus into your home all season long!

Kelly shares honest stories from her decade of homeschooling (including the year she made her son do school through Christmas break!) and practical wisdom that will help you choose rest over stress this season.

In this episode:

✅Real holiday homeschool options from keeping rigid schedules to taking December completely off

✅How to keep learning simple but meaningful through topic studies, service projects, and family traditions

✅Why rest needs to be as much a part of your homeschool as the busyness

✅The mindset shift that frees you from the pressure of being "behind"

Practical ways to prioritize peace over perfection and connect with your kids during the chaos

Ready to simplify your holiday season?

Grab Kelly's free Ultimate Holiday Planner mentioned in this episode to organize everything from cookie baking to gift wrapping in one simple place!

Resources Mentioned:

Homeschooling Through The Holidays 2025

The Ultimate Holiday Planner

25 Family Christmas Traditions

The Heart of Serving Others at Christmas

Kelly Warner is a seasoned homeschooling mom from Maine, where she lives with her husband and their four children, two of whom are proud homeschool graduates. With years of experience navigating the ups and downs of home education, Kelly is passionate about helping families simplify their journey and find encouragement amidst the chaos of daily life. She shares practical tips, inspiration, and real-life homeschooling wisdom on her website, Hope In The Chaos, and across social media.

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Show Notes:

Finding Hope in Holiday Homeschool Chaos

Today, y'all are in for a treat, because I know overwhelm starts a lot—well, all the time, but especially during the holidays. How do you go through the holidays? How do you try to homeschool through the holidays?

My good friend Kelly Warner is here, and we're just going to sort of pick her brain for some ideas.

Kelly: I am so excited to chat about homeschool overwhelm and how your listeners can homeschool through the holidays with some simplicity, and hopefully get to the end of December and not feel like they missed it.

Y'all, I didn't really think about this, but the name of her company is Hope in the Chaos. Just think about that. She talks about finding hope in the chaos of life, the chaos of homeschooling, the chaos of kids.

Meet Kelly Warner

Kelly: My name is Kelly Warner. I'm a homeschooling mom from Maine. My husband and I have 4 children, 2 of which are homeschool graduates.

When I say we've done it all, we've done it all. We did start in the public school system, so I can talk about withdrawing and transitioning. I'd love to just help you make your homeschooling simpler.

There is hope in the chaos, and life is chaotic, parenting is chaotic, raising children, homeschooling, but we can find hope. I find my hope in Christ, of course. That is where my hope is found, that's where we put our hope in this household.

Those people that follow me know that I'm a person of faith, Kelly and I have similar faith, and so you might hear some of that sprinkled in here and there. Whether you agree with this or not, there are still things that you can grab, take hold of, and put into practice.

The Homeschooling Through the Holidays Series

For those of you that don't know, she is the host of Homeschooling Through the Holiday series. Tell us a little bit about what inspired you to start this, and then are there any common struggles that you see with families during the holiday season?

Kelly: Homeschooling through the Holidays is a 4-week series. We're starting November 17th. We have 16 amazing bloggers who are joining us to give readers just some practical tips and tried-and-true advice that works in their home.

Homeschooling through the holidays has one goal: We want to make holiday homeschooling simple. For some, we're gonna talk about exactly how to homeschool through the holidays. Maybe you want to stick to your current schedule, your child needs that routine, you need the system.

For others, perhaps you're wanting to take a break, and you want to feel okay about that. We cover it all.

This whole series was dreamt of—I was thinking about this earlier today—actually in my bathroom. I was getting ready, I was dealing with the hustle and the bustle and the stress of it all. I was a newer homeschool mom, and just thinking about how do I make this all work? How does my family make this all work?

It just seemed like every year the holidays brought in more stress and more chaos. I said, my readers feel the same. I know they absolutely are dealing with what we are, there's nothing new under the sun.

I talked to some of my mentors, I think I might have even bounced some ideas off of you, Kerry, in the first year of this series, because this was a huge undertaking. This was the first time I had ever put anything like this together.

But I had a mission, and the mission was to help other moms who were already in that October time of the year, and feeling the pressure to homeschool well, to host the holidays well, and to do it all with cheer, and with joy, and to never let anyone know that it's hard, or that it's difficult.

I've been really open with my audience about the struggles of homeschooling. Part of the reason I do that is because when we started, which was more than a decade ago, nobody wants to talk about it. Everybody talked about the happy parts of homeschooling, and those should be celebrated. We are in the season of gratitude, we are being grateful and having positive attitudes, and those are good things.

But sometimes we also just need someone to come along and say, the season's rough. And that's okay. And just someone to be with you.

That is kind of where homeschooling through the holidays began. I really had a heart for homeschool moms that are stuck on the struggle, the overwhelm, the complexities, and just feeling like they have to do it all.

That is so good. You are so transparent, I know, and that's one reason I wanted to have you here. I remember when I would speak at conferences, and these people are going, oh, my kids just love homeschooling all the time, they just love this, that, and the other, and I'm like, well, mine didn't always love it.

Let's be real. I think we are now in a place, especially the last several years, especially after all the COVID stuff, that people are more open to say there really are struggles.

What Holiday Homeschool Can Look Like

Let's talk a little bit about realistic expectations. What would that realistically look like in your homeschool?

Kelly: If you are someone—if your child or your home thrives on order, it is okay to keep your schedule. Perhaps you do have a more rigid plan where you start school at 9, and then maybe you're done at 1. Perhaps your holiday homeschooling is going to look like we're going to curve that back.

Maybe we're going to leave school from 9 to noon, because some children and some families, they thrive on systems and routine. To come out of that routine is just going to cause too much chaos, and that's okay.

For other families, and we've done this ourselves, sometimes we take the whole season off. I had one year where I told the kids, we're going to do topic studies for December, not going to assign you any math, any history, any reading. My kids studied geography, they studied history, they studied mechanics, all through topics. One was studying hunting, so he learned about guides and hunting and different rules, and it led to animal studies as well.

I had one that wanted to study the radio. So he learned about the history of the radio and radio programs, which does naturally lead into podcasting, because that's a very similar medium.

I can tell you, we've done the rigid holiday homeschool, where I didn't leave any margin. One of our very first years, we had a program that had 180 days of learning. I was a new homeschool mom, I am very orderly, very by the book. I like structure.

I had divided up all of our resources, I had scheduled all of our breaks, and kids get sick, and I didn't leave any wiggle room for sick days. So my poor son, while the rest of us were on Christmas break, was still learning because he had had some sick days.

I made him sit there and do the work because that's what I thought homeschooling was. I was sucking the joy right out of it. When I say I've made every mistake in the book, I'm not exaggerating.

It's an embarrassing story, it's a horrible story. I still feel bad for my son. He's an adult, he has moved on, he is functioning well in his adult years. But I started homeschooling him in middle elementary school, and I thought we had to be by the book. I thought the holiday breaks started when the work was done, rather than when we wanted the breaks to start.

That is so good, because homeschooling is all about freedom, and we should be able to take the freedom that we have when we are schooling at home, or educating our kids at home. That doesn't mean it has to look like the two-week break that public schools take.

I was actually—I feel very blessed. One of my good friends, we started homeschooling when my daughters were in third and fifth grade, and she'd been homeschooling since the beginning, kindergarten. She told me in November, she says, Kerry, one thing we've always done is we take the month of December off, and we make our homeschool centered on Christmas.

I was a public school teacher, check those lesson plans, scope and sequence, all that stuff, but I was like, okay, I'm going to follow this, because one of the reasons we wanted homeschool was to get away from that system. That first year, that didn't mean they quit learning, it just didn't look the same.

For us, at that age, we centered everything on Christmas kinds of things. When I taught school, every year, even in the public school, we did a Christmas around the world unit. So I knew that, so I was like, okay, we can at least do something that I don't have to figure all out.

Keeping Learning Simple and Meaningful

How can we keep learning simple, but also have meaning in our learning through November, Thanksgiving, December, Christmas, Advent, and all of that?

Kelly: One of the best ways that I think we can keep learning simple is to make it relative to the time of year. This time of year, we're in our Thanksgiving and our Christmas season. It is a wonderful time to look at opportunities such as baking cookies for your neighbor.

First of all, the serving. Scriptural lessons abound there. You are caring for others, you are being giving, but you're also, when you're cooking and when you're baking with your kids in your home, you've got measurements, you've got budgeting, especially if you're talking about how many cookies do we need, how much flour do we need?

The other day, my daughter, she's 11, she wanted to start sourdough. There we are at 9 o'clock at night, talking about ratios, talking about flour, water, in starter, we're talking about how long it has to rise.

You can do scripture copy work. It's a fabulous time. One of our favorite lessons that we do is we read through the book of Luke in December as a family. Everybody reads one chapter per day, and then we just have open discussions about it. Not everything in homeschooling has to end with a test.

Many of the best lessons we give to our kids allow them to have a real-life application. Perhaps you're shoveling snow for neighbors. If you know a family that is affected with some food insecurity, maybe you're doing some secret Santa stuff, or you're just delivering a welcome basket.

Churches often have opportunities for service. If you have any interest in the shoebox program, the shoebox program is a wonderful way to homeschool through the holidays and to really give an applicable lesson to your children that they can carry well into adulthood.

If you are someone who wants to have a little bit more in your learning, there are Christmas books you can read, watch the movies, do a compare and contrast. You can bake through the movies. If your family likes, perhaps, ELF, there are some interesting recipes in that. Then you can lean into a study of nutrition.

We love reading Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol, and then, of course we watch the movie, so that we can have some compare and contrast. It's one of my favorite things to do with books and stories. You can do copy work, you can study the authors, you can study the time period or the place where the book has been set.

Sometimes we say that, because we've been homeschooling for a long time. For those of us that have been in this, we say, oh, it's easy! Grab a book, think of a lesson. If your listener is going, I have no idea how to sit with a book and think of a lesson, that's okay. Contact me, contact Kerry, and we would happily teach you how to read a book and pull out those lessons that are naturally just around your home and around your children.

Favorite Holiday Traditions

You mentioned Charles Dickens is one of your favorites. Can you think of anything that's either your favorite seasonal activity, tradition, or something that was your kid's favorite thing?

Kelly: One of our favorite activities, and this is more of a family tradition, but it does fall into the homeschooling realm, and we still do this: when we decorate our home for the holiday season, we make homemade hot chocolate, we listen to classic Christmas carols.

We just run around our house, we talk about our ornaments, we talk about the things that are going up, because I really want my holidays steeped in tradition. I want my children to look back with merriment and excitement for the times that they had. I firmly believe the holidays are a season, not just a day.

My children will say they loved, absolutely loved the year we took December off from book learning, and we did the topical learning. That is not something that I have brought back, but it was a wonderful experiment for myself, more so than the kids. It gave me the permission to let go as we were diving into more relaxed learning.

Charles Dickens, as I mentioned, that's a favorite. We read that every year, and we do read through Luke every year because I think it's important.

This year, I'm hoping to throw in some Christmas around the world studies. It's not something we've ever tackled, but this year, I only have two—we're only homeschooling two, which is so different, it feels so tiny. I think it would be really interesting to learn how other cultures and even other time periods have celebrated Christmas.

Of course, our modern Christmas, I don't think that it's reflective in many homes of what it should be. This year we're really taking a spin. We're doing character training. We're really working on characters and hearts, and really just making sure that hospitality, bravery, integrity, and gratitude—those are some of our big focuses for this year.

I think some holiday around the world studies are going to just help pull us back, and really have my kids thinking, and of course, any of our listeners, put a little perspective.

We don't realize that sometimes our traditions that we have here in the United States have come from other countries. There's one story about a man named Boniface, who was in Germany. He moved from England to Germany, and there's a whole long story to get to why he's whacking off branches, and the branches end up being the boughs that they put over their fireplace.

I have a hard time with this. People are like, oh, but that's a pagan thing. I'm like, you know what? Jesus went and spoke parables about where those people were at that moment in time to draw spiritual truths, and that's what Boniface was doing.

When you do start, you're going to learn things in history that are not in a textbook. You're just going to grow so much. I loved Christmas around the world, and plus, you can always throw food in there, and if I threw food in something, my kids always paid a little more attention.

Kelly: If you keep little hands busy with a snack, that's one of my favorite tools, especially for a longer lesson or a boring lesson.

Changing Your Mindset About Being "Behind"

I know some moms are like, okay, well, that all sounds good. But I'm either not sure if I can really take a break. I've even had some moms, what do you do with your missing days? And I'm like, those aren't missing days, those are creative ways you can still count English or reading and all that stuff.

But some people are like, how do I take a break? How do I not be behind? I don't want to be overwhelmed. To me, it's all a mindset thing. We've got to sort of reset our mind, our expectations. What do you have any suggestions to where they can sort of change their mindset and still come out with some semblance of peace throughout the holidays?

Kelly: That was part of the reason I started thinking about the story that I shared earlier about my son. I was so worried about him being behind in his book. Here he is, I think 4th grade maybe, and I am cutting into his Christmas break while everyone else is pausing, because I am worried about some outside pressure.

If you've got mom guilt, it's okay. I've got mom guilt, too. We feel guilty because we care, and we feel guilty because we want to make sure that we're doing a great job. That, in and of itself, already tells me you're doing amazing as a homeschool mom.

However, I will say, over the years that I have learned, rest needs to be as much a part of our homeschooling as the busyness. We have got to allow for natural breaks, and encourage our children to not always run on autopilot.

American society, especially in this modern world, we are go, go, go. We are always talking about time hacks and efficiency, and how can we learn more, do more, multitask. We've done it to a fault. Our children aren't robots.

Our children need natural times of rest, to decompress, to allow our brains to process what we've learned, to slow down. I go back to Scripture. God created rest in the beginning. His seventh day, right after he put humanity on this earth, he rested from His work.

I'm not going to go so legalistic as to say following the Sabbath, but God put rest for Himself, and he gives the Earth a natural rest. Winter and the slowing down of the seasons—especially, again, I'm up here in Maine. Nothing is growing, nothing is blossoming and blooming, because everything's at rest during the winter.

As the days get shorter, as our daylight hours decompress, maybe that's time for us to just say, you know what, we're gonna slow down too. We're gonna focus on the birth of Christ, we're gonna focus on our families, we're gonna really understand what this means, rather than just check boxes.

Because when our kids are stressed, and when everybody's under pressure to learn, is anyone actually learning? I just had this conversation yesterday with my daughter. She's working on the countries of Central America. She just wants to get through it as fast as she can.

She's just reading them off the map, she's saying them all wrong, Ecuador, El Salvador, and I'm like, let's slow down. And she's like, it's 3 o'clock in the afternoon! That's okay. Learning can happen on the weekends, can happen on the evenings, and it often happens best when we have our children's attention, when we have their curiosity, and when we can make it fun.

Our children are programmed for fun. I go back to that story, my son was not learning that year. I was just drilling him, finish the workbook, finish the worksheet, finish, go, go, go, go, go. I don't think he remembers those lessons. I don't think those have applied.

I learned more out of what NOT to do in that season. If we have a listener out here who is struggling with, how do I take a day off? How do we take a week off? What about all this math? It's a 36-week program.

It's gonna be okay if you get to May, and you've only done 30 weeks. You can still be done with their school year at 30 weeks and pick up with week 31 when your school year resumes.

You can always, if you've got a child who's interested and they want to move a little faster in the spring when the days are longer, that's okay. No one says that we have to finish every book, finish every worksheet. No one says we have to do all 45 minutes of the curriculum every day.

If we have moms out there that are struggling, the best thing they can do is say, I feel guilty, but I'm still gonna pause because I know it's what's best for my kid.

As we as moms learn how to do that, and teach ourselves how to rest, it will be easier. Next year will be easier, because you'll get to January this year and be like, okay, we're gonna pick up, we're gonna start, we're all refreshed, we're ready to learn.

Then next year, when the guilt comes, or the concern about the slowing down for the holidays, you're gonna be like, no, we did fine. We get to January, and nobody missed out on anything.

You know, I was a public school teacher for 6 years. I don't know that I ever finished a textbook. Even in math, because mastery was more important to me. I think that is an artificial pressure that moms are putting on themselves. They're comparing themselves and thinking they're behind because everyone else is ahead, and those people aren't telling you the whole story anyway.

I love the idea of rest. I probably would get on the Sabbath soapbox, because I totally believe that we do need a rest. Our bodies do, and when I think about between Thanksgiving and Christmas, we have four weeks of Advent, and you can take that Sunday and spend some time, not in education, but just discovering what—I don't know the order, joy, peace, love, and hope are the four weeks of Advent.

You could begin that Sunday reading something in the Bible about that. That is educational, and sometimes I personally believe that is more important than whether they know what 3 plus 3 is, or whether they know trigonometry, or the law of physics.

I'm not saying those things are unimportant, depending on the job. But I think we need to always keep our priorities. This is a perfect time to bring Jesus Christ into our homeschool, into our education.

Prioritizing Peace Over Perfection

When families prioritize peace over perfection, and peace, meaning their focus is on Jesus, that is the reason for the season. Have you seen some benefits from doing that, or any tips and tricks on how you could do that?

Kelly: I have been very open with my first few years of homeschooling, and there was no peace. Peace was not the priority at all. In fact, my priority was doing better than the public school. That's it. I had pulled my kids out, and we were going to do better than them, no matter what.

I can tell you that that was the wrong motive. My relationship with my children suffered during that time. My relationship with my spouse suffered during that time. I quit homeschooling, actually, during that time, because I was going at it with all the wrong motives. I was going at it from the wrong direction. It was more about me than anything else.

When families choose peace over perfection, as you had mentioned, the atmosphere of the home changes. All of a sudden, kids are okay. If they spill the milk, they know, maybe someone's gonna come help me clean it up, instead of someone just coming and lashing out.

We do this thing in our home. We go back and forth with food. Sometimes we have breakfast brownies, because fun. The kids' love language is fun. Sometimes we eat breakfast brownies, but sometimes we eat Froot Loops, too. In all honesty, what's the difference between Froot Loops and brownies? I don't think there is any.

It's just a matter of how can we connect with our kids? Jesus never hurried in His ministry. He knew he had just the right amount of time.

In our world, we tell everybody we have to hurry. If you look online, you will be told that you only have 18 summers with your children. You only have 18 Christmases. We're told to just soak it all up, and just enjoy it while it lasts.

I still see my adult children, and I know you do as well. I still see my parents. We have this fallacy that we need to rush through life, we need to make sure that we're perfectly preparing our kids academically, and we just miss the heart.

We need to connect with our kids, especially in this modern world where everything is trying to pull our kids away. I firmly believe that when God created the family unit, there was a purpose behind that—the two parents, the children, and God gave us these children.

Some of us have parented through many difficult seasons. If you ask any parent that has an adult child, they've got some stories. It's okay, because we can share those stories, and we can share those accounts with other moms that are in the trenches.

Titus 2 talks about sharing, and the elder women are to teach the younger women how to love their husbands and love their children. I can remember when I read that passage and it clicked. Motherhood might not always be instinctual and natural. We need the village, so we need other homeschool moms, we need Titus 2 moms.

When the enemy comes in, and he tells us to rush through holidays, or to rush through the lessons, or to just hurry our children alone, or to fix the cookie because their candy cane cookies aren't perfectly shaped, just tell him no.

No is a complete sentence, and it is the best defense you have against the outside pressures of the world.

As I mentioned earlier, we do a lot of traditions, because I think traditions keep us rooted. It's okay if traditions change, too. We used to just bake cookies as a family, but a few years ago, I read another mom blogger, and she bakes one batch of cookies with each of her children.

I said, oh, I love that. So I'm going to adopt that tradition, because the more my kids get older, the more I said, okay, I want to be rooted with them. I want to figure out how to transition and have good adult relationships with them.

If you're home right now, it's feeling chaotic. If the idea of the holidays are stressing you out and you're concerned, think about a way you can just add one thing. Maybe it is cooking with your kids, rather than worrying about math.

Maybe you are going to pause history in exchange for maybe a movie night with your children. Perhaps you're gonna say, you know what, we need some new holiday traditions, and just hop on Google real quick. I'm sure a quick Google search will yield you dozens!

I know I have a blog post about holiday traditions that you can start with your family. So there are many ways, and I think those traditions, and remembering that rest is okay, are two of the best ways that you can maintain peace in your home and homeschool during the holiday season.

I will say rest is so important, and I love the idea of winter is when everything dies. But then, at the end of winter, spring comes up, and there's beauty and flowers and all of this. It's just a season of the year, and just like it's a season of your life. Sometimes we do need to rest.

I could get on my soapbox about all the health benefits, and all the emotional benefits, and everything. It's more than that, but if for no other reason, God tells us to rest, and so we need to, and there is beauty after that rest, or that dead season.

I do have to share real quickly, you mentioned, y'all, the baking with your kids. We bake cookies, but my kids sold the cookies that they baked, and then they used the profits to buy gifts. We would choose one missionary family every single year, and then they would use the profit to go—this is back before you had Amazon and you could ship all around the world. You had to actually go buy it, wrap it, put it in a box, and go to the post office to send it over to Europe.

To this day, all three of my kids will tell you that is their favorite Christmas tradition that we did. We also made pumpkin bread, and my middle daughter doesn't like pumpkin bread at all, but when she had to do something at work to represent her favorite family tradition, she baked that pumpkin bread and took it up there and gave it to everyone else, because there were just so many memories, and it had more purpose than just baking cookies and eating them. Or like you said, baking cookies and giving them out to your neighbors. There's so much you can do that can add some purpose to it as well.

Kelly: There is. I know you've actually shared that story before, Kerry, when you were a contributor to homeschooling through the holidays, I have a whole blog post where you shared in depth how people can utilize that in their homeschool, and it is a wonderful tradition.

I don't even know how I ever got it, but somehow God laid it on my heart. But speaking of homeschooling through the holidays, how can people learn more about that, or if they want to get in contact with you, how can they reach out to you?

Kelly: As I said at the beginning, homeschooling through the holidays, we're in our third season, or our third year. This year we launch on November 17th. Everything's gonna be on my website, it's hopeinthechaos.com.

That's the easier way to get through it. We can drop the full URL in the show notes, wherever people are watching. We do have the two previous seasons as well, if someone wants to catch up, if they want to see your tip on how to do the baking and the selling.

I really want moms to get to the end of the holiday season, whether that's December 26th, whether that's January 1st, wherever, or if you go right through Advent into January. I really want moms to get to the end and be able to say, I enjoyed that, not I survived that.

Raising children is a season in life, and it's not one that we need to be surviving. We do need to be enjoying it, and we do need to be finding the opportunities to cling to the hem of the garment, because there are times when it's hard. There are times when it's just downright depressing.

This is where the Lord is leading me. He tells us that we can find rest with Him. That's part of the reason for this series, is to give moms practical tips and advice that allow them to remain centered on Christ, remain focused on their families, and be able to get to the end of the holiday season and just say, I enjoyed that.

There are so many people that don't have that opportunity. Those of us who are blessed enough to be in the homeschool world and to be sharing our knowledge, we have an amazing opportunity to help lift homeschool moms up, and to share what we have learned, and spare one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ as we do that.

That's where the heart is, in this series, which is 4 weeks long. It is a whirlwind of information. We have some amazing contributors, including yourself, and we have some amazing sponsors.

I know that you said you weren't sure if this was coming out during the first week or the second week, but even if this comes out the second week of the series, during the week of Thanksgiving, we're gonna launch the anchor post, which is the start of the series, and it's gonna allow your readers to find all 20 episodes in this year's series.

Final Encouragement and Free Resource

That is awesome. Well, that sort of sums it all up. I was going to ask you if there was anything else you wanted to leave our moms with before we close. You said so many good things, but if there is, now would be a great time to do that.

Kelly: I did—I think we had talked about this briefly, it never came up in any of the questions. I would love to help your audience kind of combat some of the chaos of holiday homeschooling by offering them a free copy of my Ultimate Holiday Planner.

It's just a simple way, I'm a planner, and so it is a simple way for them to just jot down all of the things, whether it's hosting holiday parties, finishing up Christmas shopping, wrapping gifts, baking cookies, or other traditions with the kids, and to put it all in just one simple place.

I'm gonna have that link available. It's gonna be down in the show notes, rather than trying to spit it out and have someone try to type it and remember it. Because I really want to help your audience get to the end of the holiday season, whatever that is for them, wherever that date falls, and thoroughly feel like they enjoyed the time.

It was memorable, it was peaceful, it was not stressful, even if there might have been some times where it was kind of a little bit chaotic. Because we can handle chaos without letting it overwhelm us. We do that by having systems, by having tools, and by having support.

Very good. Well, Kelly, thank you so much for spending time with us, taking some time out of your day. I really appreciate it.

Kelly: Yes, Kerry, I thank you for having me. You have a wonderful holiday.

Ready to simplify your holiday homeschool season? Grab Kelly's free Ultimate Holiday Planner at the link above and check out the Homeschooling Through the Holidays series at hopeinthechaos.com for 4 weeks of practical tips from 16 amazing bloggers. You can get to the end of December and say "I enjoyed that" not "I survived that"!

From speaking life over a strong-willed child to filling your own tank when you feel depleted, Amber shares honest, practical wisdom that will help you step back and see the beautiful life you're actually building.

In this episode:

✅How cultivating joy through simple habits like "good morning" changes your family atmosphere

✅The power of speaking life over difficult children instead of defeat

✅Why remembering where you've come from creates gratitude in overwhelming seasons

✅Practical gift-giving traditions that build thankfulness (including a hilarious "most beautiful of women" story!)

✅How to find community and fill your tank when you're running on empty

Ready to practice gratitude with your family? Grab the FREE 30 Days of Gratitude Challenge hyperlink mentioned in this episode and join hundreds of families starting November 1st!

Recommended Resources:

30 Days of Gratitude Challenge

Grand Prize Giveaway

The Six Keys to Your Successful Homeschool Year: Self-paced Course & Guided Journal. Book available on Amazon

In Due Season Courses

Amber Smith Amber Smith and her chef husband of 28 years raised ten wild children in southern Iowa. Her desire to help homeschool parents avoid burnout and build their best lives with strong relationships led her to start blogging at 200 Fingers & Toes. That is where you can find the latest articles, product reviews, and new In Due Season Homeschool Podcast episodes.

Show Notes:

Why Gratitude Can Give You Peace

We are talking about a topic that I really think can slow you down and move you to a little bit of peace and joy, and a chance to maybe take that coffee break, or a bathroom break, or whatever you need to just get some peace. We are talking about gratitude today.

My friend Amber Smith is here, and she's gonna be able to just bless you in your homeschool and in your family.

Amber: I really enjoy getting to share with you and connect with the audience, and I'm looking forward to this 30 Days of Gratitude. I feel like it's such a good and important season to remind moms to just kind of step back and evaluate and assess kind of where we're at, and bring back an attitude of gratitude so we can kind of go forward into the holiday season realigned.

Y'all, I'm gonna tell you right now, if Amber can focus on gratitude, and she has 10 kids, she calls herself 200 Fingers and Toes, then any homeschool family, any family at all, can take a step back and not get into the pressure.

Meet Amber Smith: Homeschool Courage Lender

Amber: One of the reasons why I started the blog was because so many people were hesitant to homeschool, and thought they weren't capable or equipped, and didn't have enough of X, Y, or Z. Really the main reason that I started sharing my story was because I wanted to show people that anybody could homeschool.

Really, the desire to homeschool was the most important thing. Beyond that, it's just skills that you could learn. I was a high school dropout, I was involuntarily homeschooled for my last two years of high school. I got a job and took some classes at the community college.

Coming forward as a homeschooling mom, I really didn't have a view of homeschooling and kind of had to find my own way. I have a heart for moms who are jumping into homeschooling and discovering it for themselves, and kind of making a roadmap for themselves that makes the most sense.

I call myself a homeschool courage lender. I want to lend the courage to moms who are starting, so that they can get that for themselves, and then take that and start building homeschool that really fits them and is personalized to their life and family.

We have 10 kids. I have graduated 7, and I have the last 3 at home right now. I am kind of on the downward slide. We're all down to high schoolers, and it's a very exciting time at our house, because I get to see the fruits of that, and I get to see the fruits of all of our children's lives, and how homeschooling has provided them with some skills.

Cultivating Joy Must Be Practiced

You have made a comment that gratitude must be cultivated, nurtured, and practiced. What does that really look like in a real family life, especially when you have 10 children, or you still have those 3 at home?

Amber: I was thinking back, what were the things I had to reset my brain to imagine me back at the table with 7 children, 7 and under, starting our first day of homeschool. Even that just makes my heart just so excited to see it was just an idea at the time, and we weren't really confident about what it was going to look like long-term in the future.

One of those things that I think is so important about practicing gratitude is kind of looking at where you've come from and looking at what you have accomplished so far. I think so many times, we get to this certain place, and there's so many obligations and so many things we need to do, but sometimes it's just to sit back and be like, hey, you know what? This was the struggle we started with this year, and we really have come a long way, and we really have overcome that challenge.

We kind of do yearly evaluations, and we talk about the skills that we want to build with our kids, or maybe character things that we want to address. At the end of the year, we go back over that list, and we see what we wanted to work on at the beginning of the year.

Some years we've missed the mark completely, and we just put that on the list for next year. But oftentimes, as we go back and look at the things that we've wanted to learn or establish with our family, we can see that, oh wow, actually, we did make a lot of groundwork.

The Power of Simple Daily Habits

One of the things as a homeschooling mom is your job is never done. Never. The dishes will always be there, laundry will always be there, school will always need to be done. Without a finish line, I think it's really important to set some artificial places where we can stop and kind of evaluate what we've done personally.

Amber: With our kids, a few really small ways we've established gratitude—I think it was a quote from Little House on the Prairie, but Pa said, good morning is one of the best words. I deeply feel that. Good morning is probably the most important thing that we can say to each other every day.

That's just a tiny habit that we've established. When you wake up in the morning, when you see that first person, we greet each other, and we say good morning, and we usually give each other a hug. We're a huge I love you family, so we obnoxiously say I love you in our house, and we say it to our friends, and we say it to people's parents.

That's just a habit that we've created, because we do love each other, and we want to acknowledge that. Taking the time to acknowledge the people in the room, taking the time to stop and say hello and how are you—those are little things that sometimes we just think are niceties, but actually they're establishing a heart that looks at other people and sees them.

That is so good. When you started, you were talking about homeschooling just keeps continuing, sometimes you need to take a stop and look at what's happened. It made me think of the word remember, and it's a word in the Bible that's used over and over.

God was telling the Israelites, remember when I did this, and remember this. Now, whenever I see it, I use colors in my Bible. I put an orange rectangle around it, and it just pops out. That idea is used over and over in the Bible, and I think we do need to remember all the good things that God has done.

I also like that you didn't say, we failed in this. You said, we missed the mark, and I was like, what a great way to say, okay, we missed the mark, but we're going to keep moving forward.

Gift-Giving Traditions That Build Gratitude

Let's sort of take that gratitude. We're in the holidays, the Thanksgiving holiday, which is all about thanks. How do you use gift-giving and your family traditions to build gratitude during the holidays?

Amber: The first holiday I thought of, was we actually have a tradition for Valentine's Day. I buy a little cup, and I fill it with candy, and we put them all around the table, but I always put a card and pens. I make all of the children write a little note, so each person has their name on the card, and then all of the other kids go around the table and just write a little message to their siblings, just what they love about them.

I just think it's just one of those times—we can create different opportunities. I just felt like Valentine's Day is about love, and so it was a great opportunity to tell our siblings what we love about each other.

Now my oldest daughter's married, and my son-in-law came over for Valentine's Day, and he got a card with all of the things that the kids love about him. About a month later, I went to their house, and it's on the fridge. Those are actually really meaningful things.

I'm a words of affirmation person, and so sometimes maybe our gifts and our love languages we can use to kind of bring out things in other people. You can create your own holidays, you don't have to wait.

Definitely at Thanksgiving, it's busy, and so I really try to create some intentional opportunities that we don't bypass and forget. We try to just create some times where we sit together, because the holiday I host, it's 30 people plus at our house.

When She Forgot to Actually Give Thanks

I know we had one Thanksgiving where everybody left, and I thought, oh my gosh, we did no actual Thanksgiving things. We just ate. We ate, and we visited, we played games, and we moved on, and I just remember feeling like a check in my spirit that I don't want to do this again. I don't want to miss the opportunity of having gratitude and sharing with each other what we value about each other and what we're thankful for.

So we try to set a time that we can say what we're grateful for. For me, Christmas is really busy, and so the same thing kind of happens. We host, we have family come in, it's just a swamped, crazy house over here.

Amber: I bought—I can't remember who it was—but they had a Christmas tree fold-out book that just did an Advent every day, and it was an ornament that you got out of the little book, and you hung up, and it had a little card. I just thought, I just need a crutch. I need something to help me become grateful. I need something to help me practice gratitude.

I love how the Lord had the Israelites build pillars, and build remembrances, and build things that they physically saw in front of them to help remind them of that moment, and to help them be grateful for what happened. When they passed the river, they had them put the pillar of stone so they would remember their crossing and remember what God did.

I think it's very on task to say, let's use tools that we have in front of us to help us be in the front of our mind about gratitude. If you find a devotional—the She Reads Truth had some kids cards that had a little Advent plan all the way to Christmas.

Finding a tool that helps you be intentional, I think, is a great way to just help you all focus. The kids loved it, so if the kids like it, they will make you do it, and I think that's a great way to have your kids involved, because they will make you remember.

Kids will remind you. When I was at my daughter's last January, she just had a baby, and I had the other two. She was at the hospital longer than was expected for various reasons. I was going through this devotional that I had given the kids.

By the end of the week, they come home with the baby on Friday or Saturday, and the little 3-year-old at the time, he's like, GG, Bible book, Bible book, Bible book, because every day we were doing this little devotional. Even a 3-year-old, they're like, we've been doing this for 4 days, so get us going.

You said something I think is really important, and that is you need crutches. I think crutches are not bad. You don't feel like, I'm not good enough, so I've got to use this other stuff. That's why God's given us a lot of different gifts, to be able to be intentional. Sometimes we have to think ahead, and then we need to choose what might help us the best.

The "Most Beautiful of Women" Story

Let's talk about self-care and taking care of ourselves. If moms are struggling to sort of take care of themselves, or to just feel grateful about what God's doing in their life, what would you suggest to them? I know some of them are overwhelmed and not appreciated, and they got a lot going on.

Amber: First of all, I thought of a funny memory. I had a period of time where I am a words of affirmation mother, and I felt very empty in the gas tank. I had 7 little ones, and just a high-intensity need life. I just felt like I was not getting enough positive words fed back to me.

So I made a rule that the oldest boys, whenever they answered me, they had to say, yes, mother, most beautiful of women.

It was hilarious. It went on for a year. For a year, every time I said, boys, go do this, yes, mother, most beautiful of women. I tell you what, it was kind of a joke, but it filled my tank, and it made me—it just really did. It filled my heart.

Sometimes a silly game—sometimes just take the stress and anxiety and horribleness out of it, and just try to be fun, and create some silly ways that you can maybe communicate things that you need to hear, or that your kid needs to hear.

It was very funny, but it was at a really hard time in life for me, and I really needed positive words. It was such a great season that the kids answered me that way, and they would do it at church, they would do it at the store. It was very, very entertaining, and it just became a fun little habit. Sometimes you can be creative, and you can fill your own tank in ways that maybe just are silly and cute.

Building Community That Fills Your Tank

Amber: I have a book, Six Keys to Your Homeschooling Success, and one of the chapters is about community, and building community. I really think that in seasons where we are the sole person at home with our kids, and carrying the responsibility of homeschooling, we need support.

It's really, really important to find people that are maybe in your same life area, people that you can talk to, and people that can support you, and also people who can reflect back to you the same situations or what's going on.

I have probably changed friends groups 3 times. My early friends who had kids that were my oldest kids' ages stopped having kids. Then we kind of outgrew those friendships, because then I had a whole bunch of little kids again, so we made some new friends.

Each time that we have come to a place where I had a different set of needs, and I had a different set of situations that I was dealing with—when I moved to having high schoolers, our church had closed. We really forcibly lost our community because we were a very rural church, and so when it closed, all of those people lived 70 miles outside of our circle.

I remember hitting a place where it was about a year that we didn't go to church because we were kind of in a place where we weren't sure where we wanted to go. I remember just telling my husband, I need people. I'm gonna find somewhere, because I have high schoolers, I am in the middle of just all of these things, and I need support.

I think it's really good for us to kind of maybe evaluate and say, where do I need support? If that's joining a women's group, if that's getting involved in your church community, if that's joining a homeschool co-op, wherever it is that you can maybe find a place that fills your tank.

Even if that's something outside. I started blogging and writing because that was one of the things I really wanted to do. I wanted to be a writer when I grow up. Working with other writers and bloggers—something that filled my tank so that then when I had to give out and homeschool and do all those things, I had some things that I looked forward to.

In whatever capacity that is, looking at somewhere that fills your tank and can kind of give back to you, but I think in building community, it's one of the best places where you can get human interaction that feeds your soul and fills you up.

I love that story with your kids. We should have fun together as a family. You do need to fill your tank. I also think sometimes when I write down things that I'm grateful for, that actually lowers my stress and gives me peace and joy, because it's like, get your mind off your problems and get it on to God.

Laughing and having fun together—when you just have that really deep belly laugh, it just feels so good. Find ways to add some fun to your family, even if you're a really serious, somber person. Everyone needs to laugh as well.

We do have different seasons of life. You might need to find some new people. You want to find people that will encourage you in your season of wherever you are right now.

Speaking Life Over Strong-Willed Children

I know you also mentioned how gratitude changed your relationships with your kids. Is there anything that you could say about gratitude, about how maybe it changed your marriage, your relationships with your kids, or maybe even the way that you homeschooled?

Amber: One of the ways that gratitude has really helped me in my relationship with my kids—I am not a controlling person, and I'm a pretty mellow, even-keeled person. I have some intensely control-oriented children. That can be a conflict, and it can be really hard.

There are personality things that we have to resolve as homeschooling mothers that can feel all-consuming, and can feel really difficult. I remember going through a really difficult time with my oldest daughter. It was hard, and her personality is very different than mine, and it can feel personal.

When you're dealing with a child who just doesn't think like you think, and maybe challenges you and your parenting, it can feel like they're out to hurt you. That's just because our mother hearts are tender. We want to love our kids, we want to do best by them, and so when things are hard, that can be really difficult.

I remember going to my best friend, and I was just complaining. I just needed somebody to hear me. I remember she just kind of called me out, and said, hey, you know what? I'm hearing the words that you're saying about your daughter, and what a brave, beautiful friend to say this. She just said, I think that you should really think about the words that you're speaking, and maybe look at that and see if you could speak life over your situation.

For half a second, I was deeply offended, because your friend should hear you, and should hear your heart, and let you complain, but you know what? God bless that she loved me so much that she called my attention to that. I was being really negative, and in my negativity, I was being defeated about that situation. I was really giving up my power and claiming that I was powerless.

In that check that she gave me, I really became intentional and started to speak life over my daughter. Even though she was very strong-willed, I just said, you know what? God made this child this strong-willed. That means that he has a purpose for her that is so great that she needs all of this tenacity to be able to accomplish that.

If I destroy that, she will never be able to do what God has called her to do. My job as her mother and the person who's helping her hone these skills and talents is to help her use this power well. I started being like, I'm a partner with God in helping this child create her purpose.

I just started to speak life over her, and I think that is gratitude. When we can look at a situation and step back and call out what is true and what is real, because we know who God created us to be, we know who God called our children to be, and speak life.

That was just one of the ways, and that really was a turning point in our relationship. As I began speaking life over her, we went from screaming at each other in the living room. It was a hard season. Now, she's 25, and I will say that child is my best friend.

All of her siblings are kind of shocked that we are so closely knit together, but we did the work. We worked really hard on our relationship, and really worked on being grateful and kind and forgiving and grace-filled to one another, even in difficult situations.

Sometimes stepping outside of what you see and just shaping your view of your family, your view of your situation—sometimes husbands can be frustrating. They live in a different world, and they come home with different mindsets and different things that they've got on their mind, and so we can battle, but also we can step back, and we can be like, you know what, I'm so thankful for the things that my husband does so that I can be here in this place and in this position I am now. We're a team.

I think gratitude kind of puts us back on the same level again and gives us a heart where, hey, we're equals in this place. Sometimes my husband and I will sit in bed at night, and we just talk about when we first met, or the funny things that brought us together. I think that's one of the ways that we practice gratitude, is by remembering all of the ways we've succeeded, and all of the hard things we've gone through.

I think it's important in our relationships to remember the struggles and the difficulties and the overcoming, so that we can get back to this place where our hearts are knit together and we're on the same team.

The Power of Words

Words are so important. Words can cut you down, but they can build you up. Too often, I can get really negative and start saying things, even about—I love my children, but they could do something that sort of grinds on me.

I have a statistic—something like, kids hear 300-something negative words a day and 17 positive. That applies to probably our marriages, our kids. We need to—you don't do false positive words. You don't just say good things to say them. You need to speak truth to them and speak life.

Words are so effective, and even if they aren't acting like it, you can speak the truth of who they are. Like, you're a strong-willed child. God's got things in her life that she's got to be strong. My mom would have told you I'm a strong-willed child, too, and my husband would say I was stubborn.

Yet, that stubbornness can be used to be faithful for years and years and years, despite bad things going on in our family and our lives. Use even things that grind on you—speak life to them, and really focus on speaking truth, and building them up, and noticing. You gotta pay attention to when they're actually doing something that you can praise them for as well.

The other word you used was forgiveness. We were talking about this at Bible study, because we were going through Ephesians 5 on husbands and wives. We need to forgive, and they're going to get on our nerves. Forgive and go on and let God take care of that. He's the only one that can change anyone.

Six Keys to Homeschooling Success

You mentioned your book, Six Keys to Homeschooling Success. Can you tell people a little bit more about that, and where they could get it if they're interested?

Amber: Actually, it started off as a course, and so I have a full course online that basically helps parents build their own roadmap, because I think so many people are trying to fit themselves into homeschooling, and trying to fit a model or the school.

I think if we step back and really ask some deeper questions, we can personalize our homeschool to fit, A, our goals, but B, our kids' needs the best way. It started as a course, but then I thought, you know what, I need this to be accessible to people in a broader sense.

We took it to Kindle KDP, and now it's available on Amazon as well. It's the 6 Keys to Your Successful Homeschool Year. I just wanted every parent to have access to ask the right questions before they start.

It's just a course and a guided journal in the back, and it asks questions each week. As you answer those questions, you build a roadmap for you. I remember reading online, somebody asked the question, hey, I'm in a homeschool, what curriculum should I use?

I just thought, that is a crazy question. Anybody who answers that question to you right now is doing you a disservice. There are a whole bunch of questions that we should ask before that, so that you know exactly what you want.

I think if we could help parents ask better questions, then they know exactly what they're looking for, and I want people to start their homeschool year knowing exactly what they're looking for and what they want to accomplish.

I have a ton of articles and things, 200 Fingers and Toes, because I had 200 fingers and toes to clean up after for a lot of years. One thing that people always remembered about me was that I had 10 kids, so I thought, I'm gonna capitalize on this.

The blog is 200 Fingers and Toes, and there we have probably 300 articles that are reviews, devotionals, curriculum ideas, and just life situations that we've shared about what our homeschool looks like, and maybe problems that we've overcome. You can search by topic, you can search by questions. We've done graduations and college prep, and just lots of things that we've covered over all the years that we've been homeschooling. Just a resource to get information and answer questions.

You make a good point, because you need to do what's best for your family, not the family next door. Amber has 10 kids. Maybe you live in downtown Chicago and have one kid in a high-rise. Your homeschool will definitely look different than Amber's.

For you to say, what's the best third grade curriculum, you need to use some of these questions that Amber is providing for you, because you need to find out what's best for you, your children, your family in this season of time, and it may change.