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You Don’t Have to Sit at Every Table

Curiosity, capacity, and choosing where you actually belong.


We’re told that being a “good” person means showing up, keeping the peace, and pushing through—even when our whole body is screaming no. In this episode of It Doesn’t Have to Be This Way, Renae and Laura talk about what happens when we start listening to that inner "ugh" instead of shaming it.


Together, they explore how your nervous system responds to certain people and spaces, why some tables simply don’t feel safe, and how curiosity (not judgment) can help you understand what’s really going on. From fall 2025’s political tension to upcoming holiday gatherings, they walk through reflective questions, body-based cues, and practical options—from preparing differently to deciding not to go at all.


You are not obligated to sacrifice your wellbeing for proximity.


What You’ll Hear

  • Proximity isn’t neutral: why being in the room has a real impact on your body and nervous system
  • The "ugh" response: noticing where you fold in on yourself, brace, go numb, or feel hyper-alert around specific people or topics
  • Curiosity over condemnation: shifting from “What’s wrong with me?” to “What is my body trying to tell me?”
  • Fall 2025 context: navigating political tension, social media noise, and holiday invites without abandoning yourself
  • Holiday tables & safety: questions to ask before you say yes—and what to do if you don’t have the option to say no
  • Preparation & support: processing ahead of time, identifying your “safe people,” and planning code words, exits, and decompression rituals
  • Agency in layers: where you can’t control the situation, where you can adjust your exposure, and where you can choose to step away
  • Worthiness & belonging: remembering that you don’t have to prove your goodness by enduring unsafe dynamics


Try This (3–5 Minute Reflection)

  1. Name one table (literal or metaphorical). A holiday gathering, a chat thread, a recurring meeting, a social space.
  2. Notice your body’s response. When you think about going, do you feel: tight, buzzy, flat, heavy, braced, relieved, hopeful? Where do you feel it?
  3. Ask three curious questions:
  • What specifically makes this space feel hard or unsafe for me?
  • What do I usually do to get through it? (Masking, shrinking, over-functioning, arguing, numbing, etc.)
  • What would support look like—for me—before, during, and after?
  • Choose one tiny adjustment:
  • Shorten your time there
  • Bring a support person
  • Plan a recovery ritual for after
  • Or, if it’s available to you, choose not to attend this time


Whisper to yourself: “I don’t have to sit at every table to be a good, loving person.”


Links & Resources


Credits:

Host: Renae M. Dupuis

Co-host: Laura Rees